


The Curse of a Blessing

by Miko



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-20
Updated: 2007-07-10
Packaged: 2017-10-21 10:07:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 48,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/224000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miko/pseuds/Miko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An unexpected effect of the Innocence they were supposed to retrieve leaves Lavi and Kanda in an unacceptable situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was a beautiful island; there was no denying that. Located just off the shore of mainland Greece, Kythira was surrounded by the beautiful waters of the Mediterranean and starkly majestic with its windswept cliffs. It was also, according to legend, the place where Aphrodite had first emerged from the sea to walk on land among men.

Watching all the pretty girls on the beach, Lavi was willing to believe it. Sadly, none of the ones in the modern day were wandering about naked, but he'd take what he could get. All of the men he could see were bare-chested, but that wasn't nearly as exciting. Why did women wear so much clothing just to go swimming, anyway?

"Will you stop ogling the girls and pay attention to our job?" his companion growled.

Silently Lavi made a note that he owed himself a dollar - he'd had a bet with himself that Kanda wouldn't last more than ten minutes without snapping at him. It had barely taken six.

"But Yuu, I am paying attention to our job," he countered, his voice sugar-sweet. "You heard what Finder Michaels said. The locals believe the statue has the power to bind couples as true lovers. What if they won't give the location to a pair of _guys_?"

"How is it going to help to have you drooling over the swimmers?" Kanda wanted to know, his brows drawing together in a scowl.

"Because," Lavi explained patiently, "if we need to I might have to convince one of them to play my girlfriend long enough for us to find out where the statue is. And it has to be a pretty girl, because who'd believe someone as good looking as I am would settle for less?" He grinned when Kanda just made a disgruntled noise. Really, the other Exorcist was so much fun to tease, how could he resist?

"Let's try it the easy way first, though," Lavi declared. He had no real desire to lead some poor girl on, inviting her to go to the statue with him. That sort of thing was probably tantamount to a wedding proposal around here. Worse, what if the legends were _true_ and there really was Innocence in that statue binding people to each other? Thank you, no, he did just fine without a besotted girl following him around.

The beach's most obvious feature was the river that emptied out into the sea here, after travelling down from Mylopotamos through a steep gorge. There was a monastery tucked into the mouth of the gorge, but Lavi wasn't interested in that. Somehow he doubted the Christians would have allowed a statue of a pagan goddess reputed to do real magic into one of their sanctuaries.

Further into the gorge were the twenty-two watermills that gave the town its name - or rather, the ruins of them. Most of them looked like they'd ground their last bag of grain a long time ago, but Lavi could see the wheel of one still turning slowly in the river. That was the one he headed for, figuring they were more likely to find a local to talk to there than on the beach.

"Just follow my lead," Lavi told Kanda, ignoring the increased scowl directed his way. "Excuse me!" he called as he rapped on the door before poking his head into the building.

A woman in her late forties looked up as Lavi opened the door. She wore plain homespun clothes and an apron, and was covered in the fine dust created as the heavy stone grinder rolled over the grain. "If you boys want to buy flour, we sell it in a stall up in town," she told them, lifting one hand to wipe the sweat from her brow and leaving a streak of white behind.

Lavi turned his most charming smile on her. "Actually ma'am," he said, "we were hoping to find someone who could tell us where to find the statue of Aphrodite we've heard is around here somewhere."

"Oh?" She peered past him through the doorway, obviously expecting to find a shy young girl clinging to his coattails. Her eyebrows rose when she saw Kanda lurking behind him instead, scowling darkly. Lavi didn't let his smile waver, hoping she'd assume the two of them were both planning to take their girlfriends to the statue or something. Things could get awkward if they had to explain why they were really here.

After a moment her surprise turned into a knowing expression. "Well, you boys are certainly brave," she commented. "I don't know if Aphrodite's Blessing will work for you, but I suppose it can't hurt to try. They do say the old Greeks were more accepting of that sort of thing."

Blinking, Lavi took a moment to process that, then had to bite down hard on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing aloud. Him? And _Kanda_? Just trying to picture it nearly made his head explode. Dear gods, they'd kill each other within a week.

On the other hand, it _was_ a perfectly good explanation for why two men would be looking for a statue devoted to lovers. If he could just get directions and get them out of here before Kanda caught on to the woman's train of thought and exploded, they could avoid all kinds of unwanted questions. "So, you know where it is, then?" he asked hopefully.

"Goodness, yes," she laughed and lifted a hand to her cheek, her eyes bright with memories. "I don't think there's a couple in the entire village who hasn't snuck down to the cave for Her Blessing, no matter what the priests say about it. Keep going down the gorge, but don't take the road up to the town. Go to the base of the waterfall instead, and you'll find a narrow trail that leads behind the falls. There's a cave back there, and the statue is inside. Just hold hands with each other and touch Her hands, and you'll get Her Blessing if She'll give it. Good luck, boys."

Behind him Lavi heard a sharply indrawn breath, and he knew Kanda had realized just why the woman thought they were asking. Without looking he jabbed his elbow backwards, connecting hard with Kanda's side before the other Exorcist could say anything. "Say 'thank you' to the nice lady, Yuu," he ordered his companion in an overly friendly voice.

Kanda growled under his breath and turned on his heel to stalk away, but he didn't say anything to contradict the woman's assumption. Grateful for small favours, Lavi bowed and looked at her ruefully. "You'll have to excuse my... friend," he said, putting just enough hesitation on the last word to imply that he'd nearly used a more incriminating word. "He's a little nervous."

"That's understandable, dear," the woman assured him, obviously thoroughly charmed. She flapped her hands at him. "Go on now, you don't want to keep him waiting." She smiled slyly. "Make certain you've got the cave to yourselves before you ask for Her Blessing," she added. "You don't want Her making a mistake - and you'll want the privacy afterwards anyway."

She winked at him, and Lavi bowed again to hide the laughter that was struggling to win free. He closed the door firmly behind him and broke into a trot, heading upriver to where he could see Kanda, who was already some distance up the path.

The moment he was certain he was out of earshot, he burst out in sputtering laughter. "Oh, gods, that was just priceless," he crowed as he caught up to his fellow Exorcist. "I wish I could've seen your face when you figured it out!"

The set of Kanda's shoulders was tense, and from the way the Japanese man was gripping the hilt of his sword Lavi was pretty sure Kanda was entertaining fantasies of running him through. "I can't believe you let her think that," Kanda ground out through clenched teeth.

"Why not?" Lavi asked practically, his laughter trailing off into chuckles. "It's a good explanation for why two men would be looking for the statue. If this _is_ Innocence, it's caused a phenomenon that's been revered by the locals for generations, Yuu. They're not going to appreciate a couple of Exorcists coming in and making off with their treasure."

"But now she thinks we're _lovers_!" Kanda spat at him, glaring furiously.

"Yeah, so?" Lavi shrugged, eyeing the other Exorcist curiously. "What difference does it make?" He'd expected the Japanese man to make a reflexive denial of the assumption, but he hadn't anticipated this continuing distress over the idea. Lavi had always thought Kanda was the type to do whatever it took to finish a mission quickly, no matter what. "Since when does the opinion of a random local matter to you?"

The question made Kanda twitch, and the brunet looked away. "It doesn't," he snapped. "Let's just get this over with already." He picked up his pace, pulling ahead, and Lavi let him.

Wondering what had set the man off, Lavi ran over what little he knew of the Japanese culture. Had he ever heard one way or the other how they felt about that sort of thing? He didn't think so. Judging by Kanda's reaction it wasn't something they approved of, but Lavi still didn't think that was reason enough for Kanda to overreact like that.

Ah well, when had Kanda ever needed an excuse to bitch at his companions on a mission? Shrugging it off, Lavi decided the best thing to do would be to drop it entirely. Even if it _was_ prime teasing material. He did have _some_ instincts of self-preservation.

The Fonisa waterfall was impressive, though Lavi had seen better on his travels. Still, it was pretty enough that if he'd been with Bookman or any of the other Exorcists he'd probably have taken a moment to admire it and fix the image in his mind. Kanda was already vanishing behind the spray, however, and Lavi didn't want to give the man any more reason to resent him at the moment. He broke into a jog, heading for the trail that led beneath the falls.

The woman hadn't been kidding about it being narrow, he realized as he ducked behind the roaring spray of water. Not only was it narrow, it was _slippery_ , made slick by the water that had polished the rocks to a high sheen and which lay in little puddles all along the trail. Lavi was soaked by the spray from the falls in seconds, and he shivered.

"Yuu, wait!" he called when he spotted Kanda ahead of him through the misty spray. He realized before the words were out of his mouth that it was a futile effort; he couldn't even hear himself over the noise of the falls. Grunting in irritation, Lavi concentrated on moving as quickly as he dared over the slick rocks.

It was situations like this that made him keenly feel the loss of his eye. Most of the time he compensated for the lack of depth perception with an ease born of practice and necessity, but trying to navigate a trail like this without being able to see exactly how far he had to reach with each step was difficult. By the time he reached the sandy floor of the entrance to the cave, he could already see Kanda inside examining the statue.

"Huh." Lavi blinked, squinting to see better in the dim light as he approached. It was markedly quieter inside the cave, some trick of the acoustics. "I expected it to be prettier." The statue was crude in design and craft, and obviously very old. Much of the rough carving had been further deteriorated by weather and mossy growth. It depicted a woman standing with her hands outstretched and cupped before her, a smile on her face that was probably supposed to be benevolent but mostly just looked like a smirk.

"Maybe it's not Innocence," Kanda said. "All the Innocence I've seen has been crafted into something that's impressive in one way or another."

"Yeah, me too," Lavi agreed, crouching to run his fingertips over the pitted surface of the statue's base. There was no indication that it could be moved, or that there were any hidden compartments. "And I haven't seen any sign of the Akuma that were reported to be in the area. Maybe they gave up and went home."

"We should be so lucky," Kanda muttered, frowning. "Where is the light in here coming from?"

"From the entrance, isn't it?" Lavi replied, but as he said it he realized that couldn't be right. Glancing towards the entrance, he saw that there was a certain amount of sunlight filtering through the water, making pretty rainbows dance in the mist. But not nearly enough for them to be able to see as well as they could. It was still too dim for shadows to be thrown, so they couldn't use that to pinpoint the light source.

"Stand back," he gestured, and Kanda moved to the edge of the tiny cave. Lavi scanned the room carefully, starting at one side and examining every minute detail as he looked from one side to the other. His incredible ability to see and remember details most people would never even notice, despite the handicap of his missing eye, was one of the reasons Bookman had chosen the redhead as his heir.

"The light is slightly stronger near the statue's hands," Lavi finally declared. Approaching again, he peered at the gaps between the statue's fingers. "There's something in there, but I can't quite see..."

Without thinking he reached out to touch the statue's hands. _Something_ jolted through him, jumping from the statue into him through the point of contact and racing over his whole body. It felt a little like the power he sensed in his link with his Innocence when he activated it, except this _hurt_.

"Ow!" he exclaimed, snatching his hand back and shaking it to try to rid it of the lingering tingling sensation. "It bit me! There's Innocence in there, all right, but it doesn't seem to like me much."

"I thought people were supposed to put their hands over the statue's?" Kanda said, frowning again. "How are they supposed to do that if it shocks you?"

"Maybe it realizes we're not lovers and it's angry with us," Lavi suggested dryly. He flexed his fingers a couple of times, making sure everything was still working properly, and was relieved when there seemed to be no lingering effects. "Or maybe it just doesn't want us to take it."

The soft hiss of steel against wood was barely audible over the muted noise of the waterfall, but it drew Lavi's attention. Kanda had drawn Mugen, the dark blade seeming to absorb the light rather than reflecting it. "Then I'll cut its hands off, and we'll just take the whole chunk," the swordsman declared.

Feeling a little guilty about destroying an artefact that was so obviously treasured by the locals, Lavi stepped aside to give Kanda a clear path to the statue. In the end it was better for the town that they take the Innocence away, he knew. Otherwise the Akuma would tear the place apart trying to get at it.

He watched as Kanda activated Mugen, drawing two fingers along the length of the blade and turning it shimmering silver in his wake. Now it reflected the light properly, seeming almost to draw the rainbows created in the mist to it in a deadly dance of colour. As many times as Lavi had seen the process, he still couldn't help but admire the grace and beauty of it. Not at all like his own Innocence, which relied more on cunning and sheer power.

Kanda was a match for his Innocence, of course, just as beautiful and deadly as the sword. Lavi sighed softly in appreciation as Kanda readied himself for the blow, his gaze trailing down over the other Exorcist's body and storing every detail in his memory. He wished he could run his hands over Kanda as well, _really_ get the full sensory impact. In fact, getting to taste him would be even better...

Realizing where his thoughts were going, Lavi blinked in shock and shook his head, trying to rid himself of the mental image. What the hell was he _thinking_? Not that he was unaware that Kanda was gorgeous; it was the general consensus among the Black Order that Kanda was the prettiest Exorcist in the Order, with Lenalee only a relatively close second. But that was an objective sort of knowledge, and he'd never caught himself blatantly checking out the man like that. Certainly not with the accompanying surge of heat that had swept through him and was still throbbing low in his groin.

Suddenly Lavi had a bad feeling about this. Really bad. _Monumentally_ bad. Like, end of the world bad. "Yuu..." he started, his good eye wide and his voice strained.

With one clean stroke that was almost too fast for even Lavi's trained eye to follow, Kanda sliced right through the statue's extended wrists. The stone hands fell to the sandy floor of the cave with a thud, and the dim light wavered.

"Don't touch it!" Lavi warned as Kanda reached down to pick it up. He wasn't sure exactly what it had done to him, but he had a sneaking suspicion. And that same suspicion said it would be a _really_ bad idea for Kanda to be affected by it, too.

"Why not?" Kanda growled, but he paused just before his fingers made contact and looked up.

"Hello?" a hesitant female voice interrupted them from the entrance of the cave, and Lavi cursed their bad luck. That was all they needed, to have someone see them defacing the local treasure and run back to the town shouting 'thieves!' all the way. Kanda straightened, moving so the defaced part of the statue wouldn't be immediately obvious to observers.

Turning, Lavi shaded his good eye against the brightness of the sun coming through the water, casting the two people standing there in deep silhouette. "Is someone there? What's going on?" a deeper voice asked.

"Uh..." Caught red-handed, Lavi fished frantically for an appropriate excuse. Not finding one, he came up with a reason to get rid of the aspiring couple instead. "Could you give us just a couple of minutes?" he asked, injecting the right amount of sheepishness into his voice as he rubbed at the back of his head. "We're, uh, not quite done yet."

The girl giggled and tugged at the boy's arm. Instead of retreating politely as Lavi had hoped, they took a couple of steps forward. Now he could see them more clearly; they were just teenagers, probably a year or two younger than he and Kanda were. "Hey, you're both guys!" she exclaimed, peering at them in surprise. "Does it even work for you?"

Only the deeply ingrained paranoia Lavi felt towards any and all non-Exorcists saved his life. Later he would be able to say it was the surprising lack of affection in the body language of the two teens that tipped him off, but at that moment there simply wasn't time for such a complex thought to be processed in his brain. His instincts tugged at him and he dove to one side, just barely in time as a gun sprouted from the girl's head and fired a lethal blast where he'd been standing an instant before.

"Yuu!" he shouted, irrationally terrified that the other Exorcist might have been caught off guard. Kanda could take care of himself, he _knew_ that, and yet... making sure the other man was okay seemed far more important to Lavi than protecting himself in that moment. "Watch out!"

"Worry about yourself, idiot," Kanda snapped, blocking a shot from the 'male' Akuma and trying to manoeuvre into a better position to strike. "Mugen! Kaichu: Ichi... shit!" he broke off the incantation as he was forced to dodge again, unable to activate his Innocence's secondary powers.

Lavi bounced back to his feet, already reaching for the tiny hammer strapped to his thigh. "Innocence, activate!" The hammer expanded rapidly in his grip, but he was forced to halt the growth much earlier than usual when the shaft struck the cave wall behind him. "Damn it!" Swearing, Lavi realized the close confines of the cave put the two of them at a serious disadvantage. Both he and Kanda needed enough room to be able to swing their weapons to do any damage.

"We need to take this outside!" he shouted, shrinking the hammer momentarily before expanding it again straight at one of the Akuma. They were both swelling grotesquely, bursting through the skins of the humans they'd been wearing, and Lavi realized the small cave presented another problem. "Before they finish transforming and _squash_ us to death!"

"If you hadn't noticed, they're blocking the only exit," Kanda snarled, thrusting with his sword in quick, short jabs to hold off the 'male' Akuma. "Cover me, damn it."

"Oodzuchi Kodzuchi! Grow!" Lavi ordered his Innocence, and the hammerhead expanded again. He pushed out with it as it grew, trying to force the two Akuma back out of the cave, but they were already too large to fit through the opening. He estimated they had approximately ten seconds left to live.

He found himself wondering if he had time to steal a kiss from Kanda before they died, and couldn't stop a slightly hysterical laugh from bubbling up out of him.

"Kaichu: Ichigen!" Kanda shouted, and the blade of his sword dissolved into a swarm of deadly insects. Almost too late Lavi shrank his hammer again, giving the insects a clear path to get to the Akuma.

The swarming bugs slammed into the transforming Akuma, cutting through them as only Innocence could. Remembering the tendency of Akuma to explode when cut into pieces like that, Lavi hastily reactivated his hammer. "Grow, grow, grow!" he called, and the hammer re-expanded just in time to serve as a shield between them and the explosions.

It protected them from the worst of the force, but the heat and light swept over them and left them both staggered. Lavi blinked rapidly to try to clear his vision, slowly retracting his hammer when there weren't any more attacks. After the brightness of the explosions the dim light in the cave seemed almost as dark as night.

The statue had been utterly destroyed, caught between the hammer and the Akuma. As the insects swarmed back to Kanda and reformed into his blade, they revealed a small glowing object lying on the floor.

Moving cautiously closer, Lavi saw that it was an exquisitely carved oyster, made out of what looked like genuine mother-of-pearl. Nestled inside the hinged shell was a pearl easily the size of his thumbnail, so perfectly round even he couldn't find a flaw in the shape. Housing such magnificent Innocence in such a crude statue was like setting a diamond in a clay ring constructed by a child.

"Well, that's our Innocence," Lavi sighed. There could be absolutely no doubt. It had survived the battle between Exorcists and Akuma without even a scratch.

"Good. Let's get it and get out of here before any more of them show up," Kanda said, and reached for it before Lavi realized what he was doing.

"No, Yuu! Wait!" Lavi exclaimed, lunging towards him in a futile effort to stop him before he made contact with it. His hand met Kanda's arm at the same moment the other Exorcist touched the carving, and a soundless explosion knocked them both off their feet.

For a long moment Lavi seriously thought he was having some kind of breakdown or psychotic episode. The whole world seemed to be melting around him, spinning faster and faster as it all went out of control. He blacked out, his brain shutting down to protect him from the overload.

When he came to again he groaned and opened his eye cautiously, afraid everything would start dissolving again if he looked. The ceiling of the cavern remained steady even after he'd stared at it for a full minute, so he finally risked turning his head. There was nothing but sandy floor and dark cave walls on his left side, and for a horrible moment he panicked, thinking something had happened to Kanda.

A muffled moan from his blind side reassured him, and he rolled gingerly to his right so he could see. "Yuu? Are you..."

He forgot to finish the sentence, his voice caught in his throat as he stared at the other Exorcist. Kanda's hair was half out of his customary ponytail, the long dark locks spread out beneath him like a silken backdrop. He was lying on his side facing Lavi, and a few strands fell over his face, making Lavi positively itch with the desire to reach out and smooth them back. He looked... he looked...

He looked like the most beautiful thing Lavi had ever seen. The redhead could only stare, completely entranced and helpless to deny the sudden powerful longing that welled up inside him. He wanted to lean across the space between them and press his lips against that perfect mouth, to thoroughly learn what the other man felt and tasted like.

Some vague part of the back of his brain knew that this _had_ to be the Innocence's fault. He fought with himself, exerting every bit of willpower he had to keep from crossing the distance between them. Closing his eye so he wouldn't have to see that incredibly tempting sight, he concentrated on taking slow, steady breaths and shoving down the intense desire that was threatening to consume him.

He'd almost regained control of himself when Kanda gave a soft, almost awed exhalation, and whispered his name. "Lavi?"

Despite himself Lavi opened his eye, knowing he was sealing their fates even as he did it. Kanda's expression was like nothing Lavi had ever seen or ever thought he would see on the Japanese Exorcist's face; soft, uncertain, needy, and _vulnerable_. His dark eyes were open wide, fixed on Lavi like a flower gravitates towards the sun, and even in the dim light Lavi could make out the faintest hint of a flush on the other man's cheeks.

In other words, he looked absolutely fuckable, and Lavi groaned and clenched his hands until his nails drew blood from his palms. "Yuu... oh gods, Yuu, don't look at me like that," he begged, his voice husky and deeper than usual.

Instantly he realized he'd made a mistake, as the sound of his voice made desire flood into Kanda's eyes. Lavi honestly wasn't sure which of them moved first, but he thought maybe they met in the centre.

Then he stopped thinking entirely as his lips met Kanda's and they kissed each other fiercely, all but devouring each other. They struggled for dominance, pushing and grabbing at each other in an attempt to come out on top. Kanda tasted every bit as intoxicating as Lavi had known he would, and their tongues tangled in ways that made hot streaks run straight to his cock.

Some instinct made Lavi bite down on Kanda's lip, and the other man made a startled noise and relaxed his grip for an instant. That was long enough for Lavi to take advantage of the opening, and he slung himself across Kanda's hips, rolling so he was on top with his knees on either side of Kanda's waist.

That brought their lower bodies in close contact, and Lavi had instant proof that he wasn't the only one as hard as the stone walls around them. Kanda groaned and rocked up into him, rubbing their cocks together through the heavy layers of their uniforms. They both moaned at that, and Lavi arched down into the contact to press against him harder.

He fumbled with the front of Kanda's jacket, his hands made clumsy by the way he was literally shaking with need and desire. He wanted to feel the other man against him skin to skin, with nothing between them at all. On the other hand, Lavi didn't think either of them were patient enough to take the time to strip down completely, so he'd take what he could get. Damn Kanda and his stupidly complicated uniform front, with its buckle and buttons. Lavi's zipper was so much easier to deal with!

Preoccupied by his struggle with the other man's heavy clothes, Lavi didn't realize Kanda's hands were wandering as well until he felt them tugging on his belt, the backs of Kanda's knuckles brushing against Lavi's cock through the material with each movement. The other man didn't seem to be having the same coordination issues that were plaguing Lavi; his deft fingers undid the belt and buttons and were inside Lavi's pants almost before the redhead realized what was happening.

Whimpering into Kanda's mouth, Lavi forced himself to concentrate just long enough to actually get the other man's jacket open. Once he'd gotten that far it was a simple enough matter to undo the dark pants Kanda wore, even with the added distraction of Kanda wrapping his fingers around Lavi's cock.

Lavi retaliated by teasing Kanda in return, brushing just the tips of his fingers along the length of the other man's shaft. Not until Kanda snarled an incoherent threat against his mouth and jerked up into his hand did Lavi close his fingers around the other man's cock and start stroking properly.

Even if either of them had been willing to pull their mouths apart for longer than it took to gasp a quick breath of air, Lavi didn't think they'd have been capable of talking. That was all right; the assortment of groans, growls and whimpers they both were making served just fine for communication. It was certainly enough to guide him in figuring out just how hard and fast Kanda liked it, and Lavi took nearly as much pleasure in driving the other man wild as he did in the feel of Kanda's hand around him.

They were both eighteen, relatively inexperienced, and under the effects of an extremely powerful spell. They might not have beaten the record for fastest mutual orgasm ever, but it was probably a close thing. Kanda came first, tearing his mouth away from Lavi's and arching up until his back was almost off the ground despite the other man's weight on top of him. Deprived of his mouth, Lavi bit and licked hungrily at the strong column of the other man's throat instead, and maybe that was what made Kanda's voice break when he spoke. "Lavi, Lavi, gods, fuck... _Lavi_!"

It was the shock in Kanda's voice as he came that got to Lavi, the way the Japanese man sounded like he was startled by his own orgasm. A heartbeat later Lavi followed him over the edge, crying out in a wordless, triumphant shout against Kanda's throat as he came.

To say it was the most intense orgasm he'd ever experienced didn't even come close to describing it. Feeling dazed, Lavi thought he had a pretty good idea why Kanda had sounded so surprised.

They lay panting and tangled together on the sandy floor of the cave, surrounded by half-melted pieces of the two Akuma they'd destroyed. Slowly sense returned to Lavi, though he couldn't seem to rouse enough energy to actually move. He was draped bonelessly over Kanda's body, his head tucked under the other man's chin and his bad eye turned against Kanda's chest. It felt better than any bed he'd ever slept on, and he was seriously tempted to close his eye and drift off right then and there.

Only the knowledge that where there were two Akuma, there were often more, kept him awake. "Yuu," he said after a long moment where the only sound that broke the silence was their rapid breathing.

"Nng," Kanda replied. Not the most coherent of comments, but Lavi got the drift from his tone. 'Shut up and stop bothering me, asshole, I'm comfortable.'

Chuckling despite himself, Lavi tried not to feel too smug. This situation was quite possibly the single biggest fuck-up he'd ever been involved in - and he couldn't remember ever enjoying or wanting anything half so much.

"We have to go," he said reluctantly, though he made no effort to move. "There'll be more Akuma."

"Mmph." Slowly Kanda opened his eyes, looking at Lavi. There were still traces of the earlier vulnerable expression that had so thoroughly destroyed Lavi's attempts at controlling himself, mixed with the awe that had been in his voice when he'd first spoken Lavi's name. There was also a healthy dose of fear slowly creeping in to overshadow the other emotions. "What... the fuck was that?"

"Innocence," Lavi replied succinctly. "I think it got a little carried away. Or maybe it was getting revenge on us." With an effort he hauled himself up to his hands and knees, though his limbs were trembling and the loss of Kanda's warmth against him felt like a physical pain.

"You... you can't be serious." Realization of what they'd just done - and the implications behind it - were obviously hitting Kanda hard. The Japanese man looked utterly appalled. "We're not 'true lovers', Lavi! That's ridiculous! This isn't a fucking fairy tale!" He stared at the pretty little carving of shell and pearl with fear and loathing in his eyes.

"I'm not sure the Innocence was ever actually that discerning," Lavi said dryly. "If you think about it, who in their right mind would come near the damn thing unless they were already lovers and _wanted_ to be bound, anyway? Plus, most people would never have touched the Innocence directly. It didn't hit me nearly this hard the first time I touched the statue's hands."

"Well, we'll just have to ignore it," Kanda snapped, obviously trying hard to gather the scattered dregs of his dignity around him. "We'll take it back to headquarters, they'll reduce it to its element form, and that will be the end of it." He reached for the carving, not even bothering to fasten his clothes first.

"Whoa!" Alarmed, Lavi grabbed for him and this time managed to stop his hand before it touched the Innocence. "Yuu! Are you crazy? What if touching it again makes it _worse_?"

They stared at each other for a moment, both horrified by the thought. They literally hadn't been able to keep their hands off each other. What would a second dose of the spell do?

Lavi couldn't speak for Kanda, but just looking at the other man was making his heart squeeze painfully, and he wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around Kanda and kiss him until they both stopped being afraid. He couldn't stand to see that vulnerable, shocked look in Kanda's eyes - and the way it was tempered by a completely uncharacteristic softness when he looked at Lavi only drove home the fact that what they were feeling _wasn't real_.

Taking a deep breath, Lavi scrambled to his feet and pulled his scarf off. "Wrap it up in that," he suggested, fastening his pants and tugging his jacket back into place. "We'll have to risk it, we can't just leave it here."

"Fine, but _you_ carry it," Kanda retorted, eyeing the carving like he was afraid it would jump up and bite him. He fixed his own clothes, trying to be nonchalant about it, but it was hard to pretend everything was normal when the breath caught in both of their throats any time they looked at each other.

Lavi knelt next to the Innocence. Cautiously he reached out with his scarf wrapped around his hands, careful not to let any part of his skin come into contact with the thing. It didn't shock him again, and certainly didn't send the world spinning around him. It seemed to be quiescent for the moment, but Lavi wasn't willing to trust it.

Glancing at Kanda, a wry smile quirked Lavi's lips as he realized how dishevelled the other man looked despite his attempts to repair his appearance. They were both soaked in sweat from the battle and their exertions afterwards, and sand clung to them everywhere. Thankfully the worst of it, including the sticky residue on their hands, would be washed off when they went back under the waterfall.

The thought of Kanda with his wet clothes and hair plastered to his body by the force of the falls made Lavi's mouth go dry, and he looked away abruptly. "Let's get this thing out of here," he declared, deliberately turning his back on the other man. "The sooner we get back to headquarters, the sooner we can get rid of this damn spell."

His chest hurt at the thought of never getting to experience that wild, insatiable pleasure again - and of never again seeing that soft look in Kanda's eyes. Sternly, he told his bespelled heart to go to hell.


	2. Chapter 2

The walk back up the road to town was a great deal more complicated than it should have been. Kanda found his eyes being drawn back to Lavi again and again, no matter what he did to try to distract himself. One minute he'd be angrily studying the road ahead of them, and the next he would realize he was looking at the other Exorcist. Admiring him, even.

Infinitely worse were the times when he'd catch Lavi gazing soulfully back at him, a completely unfamiliar emotion shining bright in the man's gaze. Kanda was morbidly grateful the redhead only had one visible eye, because he suspected it would have been more than just twice as hard to deal with the expression otherwise.

Eventually he wound up pulling ahead of the other man just so the temptation to look wouldn't be there any more, and thankfully Lavi made no effort to catch up.

The whole thing infuriated Kanda. None of this was _real_ , damn it. The idea that an inanimate piece of Innocence had this much power over his body, over his emotions and even his _thoughts_ , was completely abhorrent. It was tearing apart every shred of discipline he had, breaking down his very perception of himself and replacing it with something alien.

Even with Lavi out of his immediate sight he still couldn't stop thinking about the man. Or about what they'd done together, back there in the cave. Kanda didn't have time to be distracted by this kind of... of... hormonal nonsense. He certainly had no interest in repeating the incident! No matter how good it had felt to have Lavi's mouth on him, or the redhead's hand curled around his cock like the man knew exactly what to do to drive Kanda wild. No matter how fantastically intense the moment of release had been, far beyond anything he'd ever experienced before.

A faint moan escaped him, and he realized he was starting to get hard again. Snarling at himself, he wrenched his mind off that track. Again. Only to find himself wistfully thinking of the soft, bright emotion in Lavi's expression every time he looked at the other Exorcist. The expression that made an answering sweet warmth trickle through Kanda's chest, and made him want to reach out and brush his fingers over the redhead's cheek.

When he caught himself glancing over his shoulder to see if he could steal another glimpse of it, Kanda lost his temper. "This is fucking ridiculous," he snapped, pushed beyond the already strained limits of his tolerance. He forced his eyes back to the road, deliberately encouraging his rage so he could use it to swamp all the other alien things he was feeling. "I can't stop thinking about you. I can't stop wanting to _touch_ you, even in the rare moments when I'm not lusting after you in a sexual way! How can I want you so badly when I can't even stand you?"

A startled, pained noise from behind him made him turn to look despite his better judgement. Lavi had stopped walking and was standing a few feet down the road, staring at him. His expression was so full of bewildered hurt that it was like looking at a kicked puppy. Kanda's breath caught in his chest and choked him with the force of his answering emotion, a sharp pain and instant desire to do whatever it took to wipe that awful look off the other man's face.

"What?" he snapped, struggling between the foreign need to comfort Lavi and his own desire to lash out and make sure the other man was suffering just as much as he was.

"Do you... really hate me that much, Yuu?" Lavi asked, his voice uncharacteristically soft and aching with emotions Kanda had never heard from him before. And didn't want to be hearing from him now, damn it.

Until he heard the redhead speak Kanda hadn't been consciously aware that Lavi _hadn't_ been talking all this time, but now that his attention had been drawn to it he realized how unusual that was. It was a rare occasion indeed that found Lavi at a loss for words. Maybe the other man already _was_ suffering as much as Kanda. Certainly Kanda had done a good job of hurting him with his careless words, from the sound of it.

"No," Kanda shook his head, his own voice gone soft as he walked back to where Lavi stood. "Of course not, I just..." He lifted a hand, intending to brush his thumb over the redhead's cheek in a reassuring gesture. Some of the hurt in Lavi's gaze changed to anguished hope, and that as much as anything made Kanda realize what he was doing.

"Damn it!" Snatching his hand back, he glared at Lavi as if the entire mess was the other man's fault. "Yes, I do!" And he did _not_ care that his words brought the hurt back tenfold, Kanda told himself coldly. The pain was just as artificially induced as the rest of these emotions.

Unfortunately knowing the feelings weren't based in reality didn't make it any easier to deal with them, and after a moment Kanda's aching heart forced him to admit, "Maybe. I don't know. How can I answer that honestly when I'm not in control of my own thoughts? You irritate the hell out of me and I hate working with you. But you might've had some redeeming qualities even before this fucking spell made me think everything you do is _endearing_ instead of grating."

His words had only marginally alleviated the pain in Lavi's expression, but there was a trace of reluctant humour in the man's eye now. "Yeah, well, I still think you're an arrogant asshole, too. It's just now that seems charming, somehow. At least we've retained _some_ ability to think for ourselves. We haven't each suddenly decided that the other is perfect and above all possible flaws." His mouth twisted in something that didn't quite manage to be a smile.

"Small mercies," Kanda retorted, and turned away before he could give in to the continuing temptation to do something to cause Lavi to genuinely smile again. How could he possibly be longing for the careless smile that had so annoyed him in the past?

He absolutely refused to acknowledge how relieved he was when Lavi continued to speak as they walked. "Actually, in some ways that makes it harder," Lavi commented, thankfully remaining just out of sight behind him.

"How so?" Kanda ground out, because it was easier to reply and focus on the conversation instead of brooding over how much it had pained him to hurt Lavi like that.

"Because it doesn't _feel_ artificial," Lavi said. "If it was some sort of all-encompassing love spell that made us completely adore each other, it'd be easier to remember that it's not real. But I'm still aware of your flaws, I'm still capable of thinking like myself in all other ways... it's just that I find myself desperately wanting you to be happy, and craving physical contact with you."

'Desperately wanting him to be happy, and craving physical contact'. Kanda winced as he realized that pretty much exactly summed up his own thoughts towards Lavi at the moment. _It's not real,_ he reminded himself viciously. "It'll pass once the Order deals with this fucking Innocence," he added for the benefit of them both.

"Yeah, I know," Lavi agreed, sounding subdued. "And... in some ways, that's the worst part."

There wasn't much Kanda could say to that, because part of him was dreading it as well. Thankfully the town was just up ahead, and he could see their Finder hurrying to meet them. They could both focus on business for a while, and set aside everything personal for later.

Much later. Preferably after the whole thing had been dealt with and they were back to normal, so they could just ignore it entirely. Kanda fully intended to pretend this whole disaster had never happened, just as soon as he was capable of putting it out of his mind.

"Kanda! Lavi! Did you find it?" The Finder who had been introduced to them as 'Michaels' was a swarthy man who looked like he had some Greek blood himself; save for his uniform and the equipment he carried on his back, he could have fit right in among the townspeople.

"Oh, we found it, all right." The dry amusement in Lavi's voice made Michaels look at them curiously. "A little more definitively than we'd have liked to, but that's another issue."

"Give it to him, let _him_ deal with it," Kanda growled, gesturing at the small bundle wrapped in Lavi's scarf. The Finder stretched out a hand for it, but Lavi snatched it out of his reach with a horrified look directed at Kanda.

"What? We can't give it to _him_! What if it affects him too?" Lavi blurted out.

Kanda frowned. He hadn't considered that, but Lavi was right. They couldn't risk anybody else coming in contact with the damn thing. "Fine. I say we mail it back to headquarters." He wanted it gone, _away_ from him, anywhere he wouldn't be constantly confronted by its very existence. Not that he could forget about it, not with its effects tangling up his thoughts and emotions every time he so much as glanced at Lavi, but at least he could get it out of his sight.

Now Lavi was looking at him like he was crazy. "Oh, yeah, that's a good idea," the redhead replied. "Are you kidding me? It'll get there before we do, probably. We'll come back and find everyone at headquarters involved in an orgy! And then when Komui comes to his senses he'll kill us all when he realizes Lenalee was in the middle of it!"

Despite his best efforts, Kanda found himself picturing that, and he blanched. They could plaster warnings in multiple languages all over the package, and _someone_ would still be guaranteed to touch the damn thing. Either out of curiosity, or by accident. "Right, not a good idea," he agreed hastily. "Then what _are_ we going to do with it?"

"Same thing we always do with Innocence," Lavi sighed. "Take it back ourselves. Besides, there'll be more Akuma coming after this thing. We can't have them descending on helpless people." He paused and considered it, his lips twitching as he looked down at the bundle in his hands. "On second thought, maybe we should just give it to them. I wonder if it'd work on a Noah?"

"I doubt it. And as much as I'd like to see it destroyed, we can't afford to lose even one piece of Innocence to them," Kanda grumbled. Though the thought of, say, Road and Tyki being affected by the damn thing _was_ marginally entertaining. It would serve the bastards right.

"Er... what happened?" Michaels asked, his eyes wide as he looked back and forth between them. "What does it do?"

"Nothing," Kanda snapped, absolutely unwilling to discuss it. "Let's go, already. If we have to carry it back, then the sooner we leave the happier I'll be."

"Probably a good idea," Lavi acknowledged. "I doubt those two were the only Akuma in the area, for one thing. When's the next boat off the island?"

"I'm sure we can arrange something with one of the locals, if it's that urgent," Michaels replied uncertainly, obviously still curious. "Once we're back on the mainland we can catch the first train to Athens. From there it'll be simple to get passage for the two of you back to headquarters."

"Do it," Kanda ordered him. Michaels hurried away, leaving Kanda and Lavi standing alone together once more.

Catching himself eyeing Lavi's mouth again, Kanda grunted in irritation and turned away. "We'll wait on the beach," he declared. " _Separately_." He was unwilling to waste even the extra minutes it would take them to get down to the water after Michaels found someone to take them to the mainland. They couldn't get out of sight of each other, there was still the risk that more Akuma would show up, but they didn't have to keep tempting fate.

"And in plain view of a lot of other people," Lavi agreed wryly. "Maybe if we're in public we'll be less likely to slip. I think I've retained enough control to remember that public displays are _not_ a good idea."

"None of it is a good idea," Kanda growled, but he couldn't refute Lavi's logic. "Let's go, then."

Getting back down to the beach was just as strained as walking up to the town had been. Lavi chattered the entire way, talking even more than he usually did and about completely irrelevant things. After a while Kanda realized it was the other man's way of distracting himself, and he just tuned it out entirely. Lavi certainly didn't seem to require any participation from him to keep going.

Once they reached the warm sand Kanda found a shaded rock near the gorge and settled himself to sit leaning against it, his sword propped up on his shoulder. "Why don't you go flirt with the girls," he suggested, for once ready to heartily encourage the redhead's tendency to pay far too much attention to pretty girls. "Maybe you'll be able to weaken the spell's hold on us."

"While I'm carrying _this_?" Lavi retorted, lifting the scarf-wrapped Innocence. "Thank you, no, we don't need the whole damn beach besotted with us." Kanda grimaced at the thought. "I'll be over here," the other man added, and settled down some distance from Kanda, facing away.

That would just have to be good enough. Taking a deep breath, Kanda closed his eyes and tried to force himself into a meditative trance. Normally he would never do this in such a vulnerable position, but he _did_ trust Lavi to warn him of any approaching danger. And he desperately needed to centre himself and find some measure of calm.

It was harder than usual to achieve the state of no-thought that was necessary. Thoughts of Lavi kept intruding, images of the other Exorcist flitting past his mind's eye and tormenting him. He kept having to fight the urge to open his eyes and make sure that Lavi was still there, that the redhead hadn't wandered off and gotten into trouble - or worse, decided to go flirt with the girls after all. That thought sent a sick surge of jealousy sweeping through Kanda, and he swore under his breath as he lost what little stability he'd managed to regain.

Slowly, painfully, Kanda managed to reject all of the unwanted thoughts and emotions from his consciousness, and finally settled into something closer to a proper trance.

When the sound of Lavi calling his name drew him out of it, Kanda felt much calmer than he had since they'd gone to that windmill in the first place. He opened his eyes to find Lavi crouched beside him, one hand outstretched as if the redhead had intended to shake him awake but thought better of it. Even the immediate, intense urge Kanda felt to close the distance between them and kiss the other man was easier to deny than it had been before, and he dared to hope the effects of the spell might be slowly wearing off.

"Hey," Lavi said when he saw that Kanda's eyes were focused on him. "The boat is here, we're ready to go. Feeling better?"

"Yes," Kanda agreed, and rose gracefully to his feet. Tucking his sword back into his belt, he headed for the boat that had been pulled up onto the beach nearby without looking at the other man. It was easier to hang onto his composure that way, better for both of them if he didn't give the spell a chance to get a hold on him again.

Unfortunately, Fate seemed to have other ideas. Kanda suppressed a groan when he saw the boat up close. It was tiny, with barely enough room for four people, and no matter how they arranged themselves he and Lavi were going to be in contact one way or another. Either they could sit facing each other with their knees braced against each other, or side-by-side pressed together from hip to shoulder.

Kanda honestly wasn't sure which option was worse. On the one hand there would be more contact if they were side-by-side, and he wasn't certain he trusted himself to keep it completely platonic. He was _sure_ he didn't trust Lavi to do the same. On the other hand, if they were across from each other they'd have to _look_ at each other the whole way.

The decision was made for him as he stood there hesitating. Michaels took the seat in the stern, leaving the middle seat for the two Exorcists. Lavi stepped into the boat, giving Kanda a resigned smile as he settled onto half of the remaining seat. The owner of the boat was already in place at the prow, ready to row them across. All that remained was for Kanda to take his seat, and they could be off.

Grimly he set his jaw and climbed aboard, settling himself as far from Lavi as he could possibly get on the narrow seat. The distance between them was barely significant and it left him squeezed against the side of the boat, but it was the principle of the thing.

The ride across to the mainland was absolute torture. For the first time in his life Kanda fervently wished to get seasick, because that would probably have taken his mind off Lavi's proximity. He had to fight constantly against the desire to shift over on the seat; just a bit, just enough to press against Lavi's side so he could feel the other man's warmth and strength against him. Probably neither of the boat's other occupants would even notice the change, which made the idea that much harder to resist. He had to clamp his hands on the seat and side so tightly his knuckles were white for the whole trip to stop himself from doing it.

At first he thought Lavi was somehow remaining oblivious to him and he bitterly wished the other man would share his secret. The redhead didn't seem to be having nearly as much trouble, chatting idly with the Finder and looking out his side of the boat at the beautiful water and other boats around them.

Then Kanda realized that Lavi had deliberately chosen his spot so that Kanda was on his blind side, and was looking out over the water specifically so that he wouldn't have a chance of accidentally catching a glimpse of the other Exorcist. Kanda snorted softly under his breath in dark amusement. At least he still wasn't the only one suffering.

It wasn't until the boat ran aground on the far shore and Kanda moved to stand that he realized their traitorous bodies had betrayed them again. Lavi's hand had drifted to cover his on the seat between them, their fingers twined together and the redhead's half-glove feeling rough against the back of Kanda's hand. He glared at Lavi, and the other man at least had the good grace to look mortified as he quickly removed his hand.

Michaels was looking at them oddly again, but Kanda turned his scowl on the dark man and the Finder seemed to lose the nerve to say anything. "Let's go," Kanda ordered shortly, his tone brooking no argument.

Finding the train station and waiting for the next train to Athens wasn't quite as bad as the boat ride had been, because they were at least able to put Michaels between them. They did finally get one small piece of luck, and didn't have to wait too long for the train.

Of course, once they'd boarded he realized they were right back in the same situation they'd been in on the boat. The bench seats on the train cars were arranged in groups of two facing each other, to allow people to converse easily. Once again they had to choose between facing each other and sitting side by side, unless they split up entirely and sat at opposite ends of the train.

Kanda was seriously tempted to do just that. The train was already crowded, but he knew he could silently intimidate someone into giving up their spot. But if there were any Akuma on the train they couldn't afford to be that far apart. Considering they were carrying Innocence away from an area several of the things had been spotted in, it wasn't a trivial possibility.

"Damn it," he heard Lavi mutter beside him, and when he glanced over he saw that the other Exorcist was chewing on his lower lip in consternation. Immediately Kanda wished he hadn't looked; he found himself entranced by the flash of white teeth as Lavi nibbled at his lip, and he was helpless to tear his eyes away. He remembered when Lavi had bit down on _his_ lip, and shuddered.

"Well, there's nothing for it, I guess," Lavi finally sighed, oblivious to the effect his deliberations had been having on Kanda's libido. He settled himself in the window seat, but this time he'd put his blind side to the window. Which meant if Kanda sat beside him, Lavi would be able to see him.

Confused, Kanda started to ask why Lavi hadn't set things up the same way as on the boat, but realization hit him before he got the first word out. Of course the other man wouldn't want his blind side towards the train car full of unknown people. Lavi's subtle but absolute paranoia toward non-Exorcists was something Kanda _could_ say without reservation he'd always considered to be one of the man's good qualities.

Quickly, before Michaels could take the other window seat, Kanda claimed the bench across from Lavi. At least this way they wouldn't be able to touch each other, and these benches were farther apart than the seats in the boat.

Michaels looked back and forth between them, taking in Kanda's rigid posture and Lavi's poor attempt to conceal his miserable expression, and made the wise choice to sit beside Lavi. The redhead immediately started another conversation with the Finder, obviously attempting to keep himself distracted, and Kanda turned to stare out the window and ignore them.

And he absolutely was not going to use the reflection in the window to watch Lavi without the other man realizing he was doing it. Growling under his breath, Kanda spent a few moments contemplating the idea of stabbing himself somewhere non-vital, so he'd have something else to concentrate on. He'd heal from it fast enough.

The rocking rhythm of the train going over the tracks was soothing, familiar from the countless rail journeys Kanda had taken in his time with the Order. At least they weren't trapped in a tiny horse-drawn carriage for the days or weeks it would have taken to get back to headquarters that way. The journey would only take a few days this way, and they were in a crowded train instead of close quarters.

After an hour when nothing disastrous had happened - Lavi hadn't lunged across the space to tackle him, Kanda had successfully resisted the urge to blatantly lust after Lavi's body, and Michaels was sticking to entirely innocuous topics - Kanda finally relaxed enough to close his eyes and seek some measure of rest.

Lavi and Michaels continued to talk quietly, and Kanda discovered that the rise and fall of Lavi's voice was almost hypnotic. The redhead could hardly be described as 'lyrical' and he had a tendency to slur his words with his careless style of speech, but he had a unique quality to his voice that made him interesting to listen to. He knew he should be horrified he was even thinking such a thing, but he was already weary enough of fighting this stupid spell that picking and choosing his battles seemed like a good idea. Enjoying the sound of Lavi's voice was a battle he wasn't going to bother fighting.

For the most part he wasn't paying any attention to what they were actually saying, especially Michaels, but he was brought abruptly back to full awareness when he heard the Finder ask, "So, what is going on with this Innocence? You two seemed awfully skittish about it. Is it dangerous? And what was that about an orgy?"

Kanda's eyes snapped open as Lavi laughed uneasily and rubbed at the back of his neck, obviously searching for an innocent but believable lie. Kanda glared at the Finder, turning the full force of his fury over the entire situation on the hapless man. Michaels actually squeaked, whatever he'd been about to say dying in his throat as he withered under the furious expression. It was faintly ridiculous, a man probably in his thirties being cowed by a slender boy of eighteen, but there were few people who could hold up under Kanda's ire.

"I'll, er, just go see if there's a dining car and fetch us some dinner, shall I?" the man blurted out, and stood quickly. He scurried off down the aisle, with Kanda still glaring after him and Lavi watching in bemusement.

"Well, that was one way to deal with the situation," Lavi commented after a moment, turning back to smile at Kanda. "I should've known better than to think you were asleep."

That bright smile seemed to pierce right through Kanda's chest, leaving him momentarily breathless. That just made him even more irritated. "He should mind his own damn business," he retorted. "Obviously neither of us wants to talk about it, or we'd have told him already. Fucking nosy bastard."

Lavi quirked a brow at him, amused. "That's a bit extreme, isn't it? I mean, he's kind of got a right to be worried about whether it might be dangerous to him."

"It's his job to find the Innocence, it's our job to deal with it," Kanda muttered, crossing his arms and scowling as he turned to stare out the window again. "Don't even _think_ about telling him the truth," he added, just in case Lavi had been considering it.

There was silence for a long moment, long enough that Kanda started to worry he'd hurt the other Exorcist again. Which, damn it, didn't matter because he didn't _care_ if Lavi was hurt. But he couldn't stop himself from sneaking a look, and he found Lavi watching him with an almost curious expression. "What?" he snapped, disgruntled.

"This whole mess really bothers you, doesn't it?" Lavi asked him. Kanda stared, wondering if the other man had truly lost his mind.

"Yes, it bothers me!" he hissed, barely remembering to keep his voice down so they wouldn't attract unwanted attention. "Are you saying it doesn't bother you?"

"Of course it does," Lavi immediately shook his head, and frowned. "Having my emotions manipulated against my will like this, being forced to feel things that aren't real? It would bother anyone. That's not what I meant, exactly. You're really _upset_ about it. Taking it personally, almost. Is it that big a deal to the Japanese? Men with other men, I mean."

"It's unnatural," Kanda growled. "And I don't just mean because this has been forced on us. It happens, but what culture doesn't frown on it as a whole?"

"Lots of them," Lavi promptly replied, flooring him. "Throughout history there've been many cultures, all over the world, that were perfectly accepting of it or even flaunted it. And there are plenty of animal species that indulge in the behaviour, too. So what's unnatural about it?"

Only Kanda's natural reticence kept him from gaping at the other man. He knew better than to doubt the word of a Bookman on matters of history, and he didn't _think_ Lavi would lie or make something like that up. "Is all your girl-chasing just a front, then?" he asked, hardly able to process the thought. Had Lavi been lusting over him all this time?

"No, no, I like girls," Lavi hastily assured him, his good eye wide. "Always have, always will. Can't say I'm horrified by the idea of being attracted to a guy, though, I just never gave it any thought before. But you hate it, don't you?"

Looking across the space between them, Kanda was struck suddenly by just how attractive the redhead really was. The late afternoon sunlight coming through the window turned Lavi's red hair into a brilliant spill of crimson fire, and the green of his eye was as intense as jade. And yes, damn it, that was the spell at work, but he certainly couldn't deny that at the moment part of him very definitely did not mind the idea of being attracted to a man.

"Yes, I hate it," he ground out, forcing himself to look away before he did something stupid like close the distance between them and kiss the idiot to get him off this topic. "I hate that this damn Innocence can make me act so completely out of character. I hate the way just _looking_ at you now makes me feel. I hate not being able to control my body, my emotions or even my thoughts! I hate the fact that I'm afraid of an inanimate chunk of rock!"

He didn't realize his voice was rising until he found himself half on his feet, almost yelling at Lavi. The other man was sitting there with a slightly stunned look on his face, holding his hands up as if in surrender or a defensive gesture. Or maybe he was just trying to get Kanda to calm down, but even that thought infuriated him. Embarrassed by the way he'd lost control and the fact that everyone in the car was staring at them now, he straightened and stalked away down the aisle.

There wasn't anywhere to _go_ , that was the worst part. Even if he'd been in the middle of a forest instead of on a crowded train, Kanda still wouldn't have been able to get away from this. It was inside him, eating away at everything he knew to be true about himself, destroying his composure and his control. How could he outrun something so insidious?

Wrenching the door at the end of the car open, he stepped out onto the platform outside the car. A waist-high railing surrounded it, with a narrow opening in the middle to allow people to jump from this platform to the next one. Briefly Kanda considered continuing, but the next car was a baggage car. This was good enough for privacy.

He gripped the metal railing hard enough he was vaguely surprised he didn't leave dents in it, battling with the emotions that had come to unnatural life within him. He didn't want this, any of it, and he would not allow it to control him! "I will not give in!" he shouted his defiance into the rushing wind that streamed past the train, feeling like he needed some kind of release before everything bottled up inside him exploded.

"Hey..." Lavi's voice came unexpectedly from behind him, and Kanda cursed at himself for the way his heart jumped at the sound of it. He turned, pressed back against the railing to keep himself as isolated as he could from the other man. It wasn't far; the distance between the rail and the door was just barely wide enough for two people to stand there.

"What are you doing here?" Kanda glared at him. "I don't want you anywhere near me, do you understand me? Just stay the hell away from me!"

"I can't," Lavi said, shaking his head. There was genuine distress and concern in his expression, and a pained sort of resignation. "I tried, I just can't. The thought of you out here alone and upset, maybe hurting inside... I can't deal with it, it's killing me. And I _know_ it's only because the spell is making me feel this way," he cut off the objection Kanda had been about to make, spreading his hands in a helpless gesture. "That doesn't make it hurt any less. Kanda, please." He held out one hand, like he wanted Kanda to take it.

Stunned, certain he'd misheard, Kanda stared at him. "What did you call me?" he exclaimed after a long moment where Lavi just stared at him pleadingly.

"Kanda," Lavi repeated, and it didn't hurt any less to hear it the second time. Inwardly Kanda cursed himself. He'd done everything but threaten violent and bloody death to get Lavi to stop calling him by his given name - no, actually, he'd done that, too. Nothing had ever worked, and he'd grown resigned to the whole thing. Why did the bastard have to pick _now_ , when hearing it felt like a slap in the face, to suddenly begin using his family name?

"Why..." he started, bewildered and struggling not to feel stung by the sudden change. Or was it sudden? Thinking back on it, he couldn't remember Lavi calling him 'Yuu' since that morning in the cave.

"Because I can't stand the thought that you hate me," Lavi confessed despondently, dropping his gaze. "And I know it's probably too little, too late, but..."

"Don't!" Snarling, Kanda grabbed Lavi by the shoulders and pushed him back against the door, shaking him hard. "Don't do that! Damn it, nothing I ever said or did could get you to stop being so fucking familiar with me, don't let the spell do it either! If you change yourself because of what it's making you feel, then you're giving in to it!"

"I don't care!" Lavi yelled back at him, lifting his hands to grip Kanda's arms in turn. "D'ya hear me? I don't care if it's just the damn Innocence, I'm _miserable_ and it's eating me alive! And it's _not_ just the fucking spell, all right? I like you, I've always liked you or I wouldn't tease you so much. I knew I irritated you, but I didn't think you _hated_ me. I don't want you to, is that so fucking hard to believe?"

He looked absolutely wretched, his face twisted like he was minutes away from crying, and Kanda felt as if something inside of him was dying at the sight of it. There was only one thing he could think of to do to fix it, so he did. Leaning in, he pinned Lavi to the door with his whole body and fastened his mouth to the other man's, kissing him like both their lives depended on it.

Lavi's hands tightened on his arms and the redhead made a startled little whimpering noise before melting into the kiss. He opened his mouth, inviting Kanda's tongue inside, his own tongue teasing along the very edge of Kanda's lips. Every light touch made heat pool low in his body, and Kanda groaned as he realized he was getting hard again. Giving in to what seemed inevitable, he slipped his tongue into the other man's mouth and did his best to find the places that made Lavi moan the loudest.

It felt less urgent this time than it had in the cave; they weren't tearing at each other's clothes in a frenzy, and were able to take their time and explore a little. But it was just as completely out of their control as it had been earlier, and Kanda didn't think he could have stopped things now if his life had depended on it.

Dropping his hands from Lavi's shoulders, Kanda caught the other man by the hips and pulled him closer, pressing against him. The feel of Lavi's body against his made him moan, and not just because the contact put delicious pressure on his cock. Lavi was a full inch taller and at least fifteen pounds heavier than Kanda, all of it pure muscle. He felt strong and solid, and there was no way Kanda could pretend he wasn't doing this with another man. Or that the thought didn't excite him, not when he realized he was running his hands up beneath the other Exorcist's jacket and revelling in the contours of the man's chest through his thin shirt.

Kanda pulled back, intending to say something and try to regain control of the situation, but Lavi groaned and tilted his head back against the door, exposing the long line of his throat. Remembering how good it had felt to have Lavi's mouth trailing over his neck, Kanda couldn't resist the urge to lean in and repay the favour. The startled and needy moans that escaped Lavi were almost reward enough to make him forget he'd ever intended to put a stop to this.

"K-kanda," Lavi stammered, his voice breathless as he rocked his hips up to meet Kanda's. "Oh, gods. D-don't stop, please."

"Then don't call me that," Kanda replied before he realized what he was saying, the words a husky growl. "Not right now," he amended, because with his luck Lavi would take his words as a permanent invitation to call him by his given name. At the moment hearing anything else was almost unbearable, but when this damn spell was removed Kanda knew it would irritate him again.

"Yuu," Lavi said obligingly, lifting his hands to tangle in Kanda's dark hair and hold him close. "Fuck, Yuu, I can't... you're driving me crazy. I wanna touch you, wanna make you feel so good..."

"Don't tempt me," Kanda warned him, biting hard at the juncture of Lavi's neck and shoulder. Instead of being the punishment he'd intended it to be, from the way Lavi shuddered against him and whimpered it was something the other man intensely enjoyed. So he did it again, struggling to remember why he didn't want to be tempted.

Oh, right. "Someone could come out," he reminded Lavi. "This isn't the place." That, and he was desperately trying to keep this from deteriorating into outright rape - and what else could it be called, when neither of them would ever have agreed to do this if they hadn't been under the influence of the Innocence?

"I know," Lavi replied, frustration clear in his voice. Then he laughed, the sound shaky. "If we keep this up much longer, I'm not sure I'll care any more," he admitted. "Let me do this for you, at least." His hands fumbled at Kanda's waist, tugging at his heavy belt.

Assuming Lavi was planning the same thing they'd done before and knowing they weren't going to be able to get away with less, Kanda nodded and reached for Lavi's jacket as well. To his surprise the redhead twisted away, taking the zipper out of his reach. "No, let me," Lavi insisted as Kanda's jacket fell open and he reached for the Japanese man's pants.

He slid down, ending up on his knees between Kanda and the door, and Kanda forgot to breathe for a moment when he realized what Lavi intended. He gripped the doorframe so hard the wood creaked beneath his fingers, leaning his head against the door and staring blankly at nothing, hardly able to process the idea. He didn't... no one had ever... oh, gods...

It wasn't until the other man's hot, wet mouth closed over the head of his cock that Kanda remembered the importance of air, and he gasped wildly. The rush of sensation was unbelievable and only grew more intense when Lavi brought his tongue into play, tracing the shape of Kanda's cock with a touch firm enough to be felt but light enough to tease.

"Lavi!" Kanda cried, shuddering with the pleasure of it. Lavi took a little more of him into his mouth and held it for a moment before pulling back, his movements awkward and uncertain. The realization that he was the first person Lavi had ever done this for drove Kanda half mad with desire.

Without thinking he lowered one hand and twined his fingers tightly in Lavi's hair, feeling the thick strands sliding over his skin. Lavi moaned, and the vibration of it nearly brought Kanda to his knees. He stayed on his feet with an effort of will, not wanting to lose this incredible feeling one moment earlier than he had to.

Bringing one hand up, Lavi curled his fingers around the base of Kanda's cock and squeezed him firmly as he continued to slide his mouth over the tip with growing confidence. The added stimulation made Kanda groan and jerk his hips forward instinctively, trying to get more.

He pushed too far for Lavi, who choked and pulled back, coughing. "Easy, Yuu. I do have to breathe, you know," Lavi commented, glancing up at Kanda with a wicked gleam in his eye. He resumed licking and sucking at Kanda's cock before the other man could answer him, sliding his hand up a bit so Kanda couldn't push so far into his mouth.

Now that he was watching, Kanda could see every movement of Lavi's lips on his cock, see the way Lavi's mouth had turned red from the friction, and the look of wild pleasure on his face. It was the most erotic thing he could ever have imagined, and he couldn't stop himself from rocking his hips forward again. "Gods, Lavi," he grated out, clenching his teeth as he struggled to regain control of himself.

Lavi moaned and lifted his other hand to Kanda's hips, trying to hold him steady. Unfortunately Kanda had all the leverage in this position, and his hand fisted in Lavi's hair wouldn't allow the redhead to pull back, either. Knowing Lavi wouldn't be able to keep this up more than a few seconds and desperately wanting to come with the other man's mouth as far around him as possible, Kanda stopped fighting against his impending orgasm.

It crashed over him, even stronger than it had been that morning. His legs gave out on him and he slid out of Lavi's grasp, hitting his knees hard. Panting and dazed, Kanda tried to gather his scattered wits.

Lavi was coughing, and if Kanda hadn't been quite so out of it he'd have found the dismayed expression on the other man's face comical. "Okay, that last bit was disgusting, but the rest was good. I like the noises you make," the redhead commented, his voice husky from the abuse Kanda had put his throat through.

And maybe from desire as well, Kanda realized as he noticed the glazed look in the other man's eye and the way he was flushed bright enough to clash with his hair. Glancing down, Kanda saw Lavi was sitting with his knees spread and his pants undone, his cock even more flushed than his cheeks and slick with precome.

Lifting his eyes back to meet Lavi's feverish gaze, Kanda felt a surge of smug satisfaction. "You were touching yourself," he said, the growl in his voice from pleasure for once instead of anger.

"I couldn't help myself," Lavi confessed, not in the least bit ashamed. "You were so damn hot, and the sounds you were making were driving me wild. I'd have finished at the same time as you if you hadn't started thrusting like that."

"Did I hurt you?" Kanda asked, his eyes still locked on Lavi's as he reached out and closed his hand around the other man's dripping cock. Lavi moaned and had to struggle to keep his eye open, swallowing once before he could answer.

"N-nah," he replied, his grin a little shaky but as unabashed as ever. "I'm tougher than that. I just... oh gods, Yuu..." His voice broke as Kanda started to stroke him, hands clutching at the Japanese man's shoulders to hold himself steady.

Even knowing he was going to hate himself in five minutes when he came back to his senses, Kanda couldn't help but experience a thrill at the helpless, needy sounds Lavi was making and the way the other man rocked into his touch.

It was obvious that Lavi had been right on the edge when he'd been forced to stop, and it didn't take much to bring him back to it. In less than a minute he was shuddering and crying out, his cock twitching in Kanda's hand as he came hard. Lavi was left slumped against the door, his head back and eye closed, breathing too fast as he struggled to regain control after the intensity of his orgasm.

Kanda wiped his hand clean on Lavi's pants, because the white material wouldn't show the stain the way his own black pants would. When he moved to stand up, though, Lavi wound his arms around Kanda's neck and held him still. "Wait. Please," the redhead begged, his voice muffled as he buried his face in Kanda's jacket. "Just for a minute. Don't go back to being angry with me yet."

The part of Kanda that still remained free of this damned spell knew it was a bad idea, that he was just encouraging both of them to indulge in these false emotions. But he found himself settling back beside Lavi anyway, his own arms winding around the other man's waist and pulling him close.

They stayed that way for a long moment, Lavi's breath tickling the sensitive skin of Kanda's throat and Kanda absently stroking his fingers through the fall of bright red hair against his shoulder. Kanda's heart was beating so fast and hard he was almost amazed it didn't pound its way right out of his chest. It wasn't a comfortable sensation, but he found it oddly enjoyable even so.

"I still don't like you," he said gruffly, though the edge of emotion in his voice turned the words into the lie they currently were. "But I don't hate you," he grudgingly admitted.

He felt Lavi's chest rise and fall in a deep sigh, and then the other man pulled back to look at him. The redhead's smile was more rueful than amused, but at least he was smiling. "Then that'll have to be enough for me," Lavi replied. "And, uh... I think it might be a good idea if we took separate trains back to headquarters, unless we want this to keep happening. At this point I doubt we'll have more Akuma following us than either of us could handle alone."

The thought of separating, of being apart for the several days it would take them to get back, was almost more than Kanda could stand. But he knew Lavi was right. They couldn't continue doing this or things would only keep getting worse. At least the pained look in Lavi's eyes said the other man wasn't any happier about the idea than he was.

Swallowing, Kanda wondered how they were going to survive until the spell was removed - and how they would ever be able to face each other afterwards.


	3. Chapter 3

It was a weary and heartsick Lavi that trudged into the European branch of the Black Order. It had taken three days for him to get from Athens back to headquarters, and every minute of it had been utter torture.

He'd fervently hoped that once he and Kanda split up the force of the spell pulling them together would weaken - 'out of sight, out of mind', as it were. Instead it seemed just the opposite had happened. While they'd been together Lavi had been constantly distracted by Kanda's presence, but still able to function for the most part. Once separated, the _only_ thing he'd been able to think about had been how desperately he wanted to see the other man again. And it had gotten worse the longer they'd been apart.

It took an effort of will to remind himself that the first order of business was for him to report to Komui, _not_ to go looking for Kanda. At this point he was just praying that either Bookman would be able to do something to help them, or that the spell would break once Komui and the research division reduced the Innocence to its element form.

Halfway to Komui's office, he got a welcome distraction. "Lavi!" Lenalee called as she turned a corner and saw him. She hurried towards him, a welcoming smile on her face that turned into a concerned expression as she got a better look at him. "What happened? You look awful!"

Realizing she was reaching out to touch his arm, he jerked back hastily. "Don't touch me!" he warned her, horrified by the very thought. He was still carrying the Innocence, tucked away in a box now but no less potentially dangerous for the extra layer of insulation. "You don't wanna be infected by this damn thing, too," he added when she looked hurt. "Trust me on this one."

"Is that the Innocence you were after?" she asked. He nodded, and she fell in beside him as he continued towards Komui's office. "What does it do?"

Lavi opened his mouth to explain, and belatedly realized just how Kanda was likely to react to the entire Black Order knowing about the two of them being under a love spell. The Japanese Exorcist would be _furious_. Even if Kanda's happiness hadn't been his first priority at the moment, Lavi wasn't dumb enough to want the swordsman out for his blood.

"Hopefully, you'll never find out," he said instead. "Let's just say it's bad and leave it at that. Please tell me Bookman is off the injured list?" he added, giving her his most pathetic pleading expression. His mentor had been wounded on their last mission, which was the only reason Lavi had been out with Kanda alone.

"He is, but he's not here," she replied, and he winced. "Are you hurt? Where's Kanda, anyway?" Her eyes widened. "Did something happen to him? Is he okay?"

"Yuu's as fine as I am," Lavi told her, his voice dry. Then he frowned. "Wait, he isn't here? We split up in Athens, but he had the shorter train trip. He should've gotten here early this morning."

When she shook her head, panic washed over him. Had something happened? What if Kanda had been attacked by more Akuma than he could handle? Even when they weren't carrying extra Innocence the Exorcists were always prime targets for any local Akuma. If one of the stops Kanda's train had been scheduled to make had been in a place where a bunch of them had gathered, the Japanese man might have been overwhelmed.

Lavi had to pause and brace himself against the wall with one hand, half certain his heart had seized up and formed a solid knot in his chest. It was all he could do to keep from shoving the Innocence at Lenalee to let her deal with it, and running back to the elevator with the intention of tracking Kanda down. It was a ridiculous thought, and he knew the odds of him finding Kanda at all were slim. Let alone finding him in time to help, if help was necessary. But logic had absolutely nothing to do with his reaction.

"Lavi? Lavi, are you okay?" Lenalee asked him, her voice becoming more and more insistent. "Lavi! Let me help... no, you said not to touch you. Hold on, I'm going to get my brother, I'll be right back!"

"No," Lavi rasped out, his head slowly winning the battle with his heart. "No, I'm fine. It's okay, Lenalee, really." Taking a deep breath, he straightened and rubbed a shaking hand over his face. "Sorry, I'm just a little tired. It's been a hell of a mission."

"Looks like it," she agreed, clearly not convinced that he was as fine as he said he was. "Anyway, Bookman left you a message saying not to bother following him, he should be back in a few days. But if it's urgent..."

"Nah, don't worry about it," Lavi shook his head, sighing. "With any luck, by the time he gets back it won't be relevant anyway. For now I need to hand this over so it can be dealt with." Before it affected anyone _else_ and this mess got even bigger than it already was.

Luckily Komui was in his office, sipping at coffee from his favourite mug and blatantly ignoring the piles of paperwork stacked all over his desk. Johnny and Reever were both there as well, alternately pleading and arguing with Komui to try to get him to pay attention to his work, but everyone fell silent when Lavi came through the door.

"What happened to you?" Reever wanted to know, raising an eyebrow at him. "You look like you haven't slept in days."

"Long story," Lavi told them ruefully. "And I'd rather not share with any more people than I absolutely have to, so if you don't mind?" He jerked a thumb at the door with a half apologetic smile. Johnny and Reever glanced at each other, then shrugged and gathered up their papers and headed for the door.

"You too, Lenalee," Lavi added when the other Exorcist remained behind. "Sorry, but..."

"I understand," she assured him, smiling back at him. She aborted an instinctive attempt to pat his arm reassuringly before he needed to warn her. "Oops! Let me know when you're safe to touch again, okay?"

"I will," he promised, and closed the door behind her. Turning, he found Komui giving him a dirty look. "Wh-what?" he stammered, taken by surprise. Normally he only got _that_ particular version of the Evil Eye when Komui caught him flirting with Lenalee.

"Why does my precious sister want to be touching you?" the older man demanded, and Lavi flailed his hands in a placating gesture.

"Not like that!" he exclaimed. Akuma and Noah's Clan he could handle without flinching, but Komui was _scary_ when he was in Protective Big Brother Mode. "This damn Innocence puts a love spell on anyone who touches it, I warned her not to get too close to me so she _wouldn't_ be hit by it!"

"Oh?" His attention diverted, Komui left his chair and moved forward to peer at Lavi. "What happened? Where's Kanda?"

He stayed a healthy distance away, Lavi noted with relief. If he had to have one of the Lee siblings added to this disaster, he'd much rather it was Lenalee. "I don't know where Yuu is," he admitted, his voice subdued. "We split up in Athens to try to keep it from getting any worse. I'm not sure we'd have made it all the way here otherwise, at the rate we were going."

"Wait." Komui stared at him. "You're not seriously suggesting that you and Kanda..."

"Y'know what? Could you just forget I even said that?" Lavi begged, flushing. Gods, he'd blushed more in the last couple of days than he could ever remember doing before. "I like all my vital organs right where they are, thanks. Hopefully the effect will be reversed once we get the Innocence to its base form, and then I'll never have to think about it again!"

Though he was starting to think it wasn't going to be so easy to leave this particular mission behind him. Granted that his emotions were being manufactured artificially, but that didn't keep him from _feeling_ them. The memory of the time he'd spent desperately in love with Kanda would always stay with him. More importantly, his own nature as a Bookman would prevent him from being able to forget even a single moment of the two 'encounters' with the Japanese Exorcist.

"So it just binds anyone who touches it? With who, the closest person?" Komui asked, clearly fascinated - and amused. Lavi couldn't really blame him; he'd have been laughing his ass off if it had happened to anyone but him, too.

"I don't know how discriminating it is," Lavi shrugged. He explained the details of the local legend and how they'd found the Innocence held in the hands of the statue, though he omitted any and all details regarding what had happened immediately after.

It wasn't hard to tell that Komui had guessed the parts he was leaving out, though. The older man wasn't doing a very good job of concealing his laughter, for one thing. By the time he'd finished his report Lavi could feel his cheeks flaming probably bright enough to clash with his hair, and he couldn't remember ever being this embarrassed in his life.

"We'll have to approach it cautiously," Komui commented when Lavi was done. "We don't want anyone else getting caught by it. That means it may take a while before we'll figure out how to deal with it, though."

"Just work as fast as you can," Lavi pleaded with him, rubbing his fingers over the bridge of his nose. "Let me know the _moment_ Bookman comes in. He just might be able to do something to counteract the effects. And for the love of the gods, don't put Yuu and I together on a mission again until this is dealt with!"

He bit his lip, but couldn't stop himself from adding, "Tell me when Yuu makes it back, though? Please? Just... just so I know he's okay." His voice broke on the last word, and he swallowed.

Komui looked surprised, and then some of his amusement changed to real sympathy. "I will, on all counts. Go get some food and rest, Lavi. You deserve it - and from the sounds of it, you need it."

With a salute that wasn't quite as jaunty as he'd have liked it to be, Lavi put the Innocence on Komui's desk and left the office. Not having to carry it around was a huge weight off his back, at least. Now he just had to fight his own heart until the spell was removed, and hope nobody figured out what was going on so Kanda wouldn't have reason to kill him.

The cafeteria was crowded as usual, and people greeted Lavi from all sides. He did his best to return the greetings with his usual enthusiasm, but his heart just wasn't in it today.

"Lavi, over here!" Allen called to him, waving from a table where he was seated with Lenalee. From somewhere Lavi found a more genuine smile to give the other two Exorcists, and he sat down across from them.

"Hey, guys. I think I'm safe to touch now," he added with a half-hearted flirtatious wink at Lenalee, more because he knew it was expected of him than from any real desire. As his teasing went it was a weak effort, and Lenalee only frowned at him instead of smacking him like she usually did.

"So, what's been going on while I was away?" he asked, hoping to divert both of them from questioning him. "Allen, how'd your mission go? Any new rumours about General Cross' whereabouts?"

The silver-haired boy grimaced, but obligingly launched into a description of his latest trip out of headquarters. In moments Allen and Lenalee were caught in a discussion of the general's faults, which thankfully absorbed them both to the point where they didn't realize Lavi wasn't really contributing to the conversation.

He did his best to concentrate, but Lavi found his thoughts drifting after just a few minutes. Worry for Kanda ate at him, and he kept catching himself staring at the doorway and willing the other man to appear. Sighing, he picked at his food and tried to convince himself he was hungry.

"Lavi? Lavi!" Vaguely Lavi was aware that Lenalee was speaking, but the sound of his name didn't catch his notice. It wasn't until she leaned over and snapped her fingers in front of his face that he jerked his eyes away from the door and looked at her, startled. "Honestly! What is with you today?" she asked when she saw she had his attention.

"Huh?" Blinking, Lavi realized he'd been lost in his thoughts and pretty much ignoring his two companions. "Er, sorry. I guess I'm having a little trouble staying focused."

"It's not just that," she shook her head, looking thoughtful. "You're... you're _mooning_ , that's what it is!" she declared.

"I'm _what_?" Laughing uneasily, Lavi rubbed at the back of his head. "Don't be ridiculous. Who would I be mooning over? I'm just tired, like I told you earlier."

"No, you're definitely mooning," Lenalee asserted, glancing at Allen to back her up. "Isn't he?"

"You're mooning, Lavi," Allen confirmed, not without a sympathetic smile. "You've been staring into the distance the whole meal, sighing repeatedly and looking wistful. You've hardly said two words in a row. And you're just picking at your food. Granted, that's not as bad a sign for you as it would be for me, but it's certainly not in character."

"And," Lenalee concluded triumphantly, pointing at him, "except for that one extremely uninspired comment, you haven't made a single even marginally inappropriate remark to me since you got back. If you continue to insist that you're not mooning over someone, I'm going to have to conclude you're an Akuma doing an incredibly poor job of playing at being you."

"That's not something you should even joke about," Lavi complained, wincing. Was he really being _that_ transparent? This was going to be harder than he'd thought.

"So, who is she?" Lenalee wanted to know, propping her chin on her hands and looking at him expectantly. "Someone we know? Another Exorcist? Or a girl you met on your mission? Tell us about her! She must be impressive, to have caught _your_ eye and held it for longer than five minutes."

"Since when did you turn into such a gossip?" Lavi asked her, searching for a believable lie or at least a good reason to excuse himself and flee to his room. "I... I really don't want to talk about it."

"So there is someone! I thought so," Lenalee exclaimed, smiling at him. "I always knew that when you finally fell, you'd fall hard. It's always the flirts who get it worst."

"You have no idea," Lavi muttered, rubbing his eye. His hand was trembling, he realized, and he grimaced. Sighing again, he looked her straight in the eyes and let some of his tortured emotions show in his expression. "Lenalee, could you please just drop it?" His mouth twisted in a parody of a smile, and he couldn't keep a touch of dark amusement out of his voice. "It's kinda one of those star-crossed things that's doomed to fail, and the sooner I can forget about it and get over it, the better. You're not helping."

"Oh! Lavi, I..." Looking first horrified, and then remorseful, Lenalee covered her mouth with one hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize. I... I'm so sorry," she repeated, apparently unable to come up with anything better to say.

Maybe he'd let a little more of what he was feeling show than he'd meant to. Lavi rarely let anyone see past his cheerful surface, and he wasn't used to opening up that way. With an effort he shoved it all back down again, and managed a weak smile. "Don't worry about it," he told her, waving off her concern. "I'll be back to normal in a couple of days, you'll see." _Please, gods,_ he added in a silent but fervent prayer.

A touch on his arm drew his attention to Allen, and the other Exorcist smiled sadly at him. "You know we're here for you if you want to talk, or just need some distraction," the younger man offered. "That's what friends are for."

Honestly touched, Lavi nodded. "Yeah, I know," he acknowledged. "Thanks." Looking down at his mostly untouched dinner, he made a face. It had gone cold and congealed, and even if he'd felt hungry he wouldn't have wanted to eat it. "I think I'm gonna give up on dinner and turn in early," he declared. "I really am exhausted."

"I'm done too, I'll go with you," Lenalee offered.

They both looked at Allen, who had a heap of plates beside him and was halfway through another. "Uh..." Glancing back and forth between Lavi and his food with a sheepish expression, Allen was clearly torn.

Despite himself Lavi had to laugh, the first untainted amusement he'd felt since he'd first touched that damn statue. "Stay and finish," he told Allen, reaching over to ruffle the younger man's hair. "I know you parasite types get cranky if you don't stuff yourselves. I'll see you at breakfast."

He headed out with Lenalee at his side, feeling better than he had in days. He was still worried sick about Kanda and badly distracted by his longing for the other man, but at least he was on familiar ground and among people who cared about him again.

It helped that Lenalee stuck to entirely innocuous subjects, obviously feeling guilty for having caused him pain earlier. When she started relating the disastrous results of her brother's latest well-intentioned robotic experiments, he even managed to laugh and forget about his distress for a few minutes.

Lavi was therefore completely and utterly unprepared for the moment when he turned a corner and saw Kanda further down the hall. He couldn't even begin to express his joy and relief at seeing the other man in one piece. Well, relatively in one piece. He looked just as exhausted and heart-sore as Lavi felt, and it made the redhead's chest ache. "Yuu!" he exclaimed, interrupting Lenalee in mid-sentence.

His attention drawn by the sound of his name, Kanda looked behind him. Belatedly Lavi realized it might not be such a good idea for the two of them to meet face-to-face like this. Then their eyes met, and it was too late to think about turning away or ducking back around the corner to get out of sight.

Everything the damn Innocence had created between them came crashing down on Lavi in an instant, just as intense as it had been in the first few moments of realization. If Kanda had been standing within reach, Lavi thought they just might have embarrassed themselves with a passionate embrace. As it was Lavi had to clench his fists until his nails dug into his palms even through his gloves to keep from running down the hall to the other man.

From the way Kanda's lips thinned to a tight white line, he had a feeling he wasn't the only one fighting with himself. But though the Japanese man's expression was utterly forbidding, his eyes showed the same desperate turmoil of emotions Lavi was experiencing. Desire and lust, joy at seeing each other again, and worry and concern were only some of what they were both obviously feeling.

Distantly, the part of his brain that was still functioning normally wondered what on earth Lenalee was making of this. If she was saying anything he wasn't aware of it, too intently focused on Kanda to notice anything else.

After a long moment of struggle, Kanda's sense of duty apparently won out over his uncharacteristic desire. "I... have to go make my report," he said hoarsely, the words sounding like they'd been dragged out of him unwillingly.

"Y-yeah," Lavi nodded repeatedly, feeling like an idiot but grasping desperately at anything that would avert the catastrophe they teetered on the edge of. "Yeah, you'd better... Komui'll be... I gave them the Innocence already," he babbled, his own voice coming out breathless.

He wanted so badly to touch the other man, to reassure himself in a concrete way that Kanda was fine. But they'd already had two perfectly good demonstrations of where _that_ would lead, and they didn't need a third. Especially not _here_ , among people they had to work and live with. And who would never, ever let them live it down.

"Good," Kanda said shortly, acknowledging Lavi's disjointed words with a nod of his own. With an obvious effort he wrenched his eyes away and turned on his heel, continuing on down the hall. He didn't look back again, which was just as well because Lavi was certain his restraint would have broken if he'd had to look Kanda in the eyes for one more second.

Standing rooted in the hallway like some odd kind of indoor tree, Lavi watched as Kanda walked away. It wasn't until the other man turned a corner and vanished from sight that he finally managed to move again, and then it was only to stagger the two steps to the wall so that he could lean on it.

Even with that additional support his knees still gave out on him, and he slid down the wall to half sprawl on the floor, uncaring that he was in the middle of a very public hallway. Lavi buried his face in his hands, desperately trying to get himself back under control. There was still a very real possibility that if he tried to get up now, he'd end up running after Kanda anyway.

"Lavi?" Gentle hands touched his, pulling them away from his face. With a resigned smile he looked up and met Lenalee's eyes.

"Well, now you know," he said gruffly. "Dunno how I thought I could keep it from you guys, honestly. Guess I was hoping the effect would've worn off a bit by the time we saw each other again."

"It was the Innocence, wasn't it?" Lenalee guessed, putting all the pieces together. When Lavi just nodded, she grimaced and looked sympathetic. "Wow. No wonder you guys split up on the train. And Kanda...?"

"I think it might've hit him even harder than me," Lavi admitted. "Or maybe it's just that I'm a little better at dealing with my feelings than he is. Do me a favour?"

"I won't tell anyone," she promised hastily. "Not even Allen, I swear."

With a tiny smile, Lavi shook his head. "That's not actually what I was going to ask, but thank you. Next time I get stuck like that, yank me back out of sight of him, will you? Or trip me if you have to, whatever it takes. Just don't let me actually get near him." He sighed. "Depending on how long it takes them to fix this, I don't think we're gonna be able to avoid each other entirely. Not in a place this small. And I'd kinda like him _not_ to kill me in revenge once he stops being forced to like me."

She chuckled, and patted his shoulder. "I promise," she nodded. "Though if I know Kanda at all, probably the only time he'll come out of his room in the next couple of days will be for food, and then only at one in the morning when he can be certain he won't run into anyone. You're probably safe."

"Not sure I want to count on that," Lavi replied dryly. Taking her offered hand, he hauled himself to his feet. "Hey, on the bright side, at least I'll probably be too distracted to flirt with you until it wears off?" he offered, trying to regain his normal cheerful outlook.

"Careful! Don't let my brother hear you say that, or he'll never help you get the spell off!" Lenalee laughed, and Lavi shuddered in horror at the thought.

"Let's just hope we can wait the damn thing out," he said. "If either of us breaks, this could get messy."

"You're both stubborn, I'm sure you'll be fine," she said sympathetically. "And if nothing else, at least the fact that you're guys will keep it from going too far. Just imagine if one of you had been a girl!"

Remembering how sheltered Lenalee actually was, Lavi winced and made a mental note not to ever even _hint_ at what had already actually happened between him and Kanda. Now he just had to hope she wouldn't find out from first hand observation that guys very definitely were still capable of 'going too far'.

* * *

The next few days were absolute torture for Lavi. He and Kanda successfully managed to avoid seeing each other, but he _knew_ the other man was nearby. Fighting the constant urge to seek him out was slowly driving Lavi mad.

At least during the day he had Lenalee and Allen to help distract him. He wasn't sure if Lenalee had decided that enlisting Allen's help was more important than keeping her promise not to tell anyone, or if Allen had figured it out on his own. Whatever the case, by the end of the second day the younger man had attached himself to Lavi's side like a silver burr, refusing to let him go out of his rooms without company.

Knowing what he did about the way Allen had grown up, Lavi had a strong suspicion than Allen was perfectly well aware of just how far two men could go, despite the younger man's seemingly innocent personality. Allen never said anything about it one way or the other, in fact never actually indicated that he did know what was really going on, but he was much more dedicated about policing Lavi than Lenalee was. Lavi was appropriately grateful - when he wasn't mentally cursing the boy for successfully heading him off whenever Lavi's willpower gave out and he started to go looking for Kanda.

Worse by far were the nights. At night Lavi had only his own thoughts and fantasies for company. Kanda's room was at the other end of the hall from his, and he spent his nights lying in bed trying desperately not to think about how close the other man was. About how easy it would be for him to get up and go down the hall, slip into Kanda's room and... no one would even know he'd been there, if he left early enough. And once they were that close and in private, Lavi knew exactly what would happen next. Knew it, and burned for it with a feverish intensity like nothing he'd ever felt before. If he got any rest at all it was only when his body rebelled and sent him tumbling into a state closer to unconsciousness than sleep.

Sometimes he heard footsteps in the hall in the dead of the night, long after even the poor bastards making up for Komui's inattention to his job should have been sound asleep. Lavi's attention to and memory for detail didn't only extend to things he saw, and he could have identified anyone in the Order by the sound of their steps. Even so he tried to convince himself it wasn't Kanda out there, because that was the only way he could keep himself from jumping up and flinging open his door to intercept the man.

Once, just once, the footsteps stopped outside his door. Lavi had lain there for hours, longing for and dreading the anticipated knock with equal fervour. How he managed to stay motionless he would never know, but the knock never came. By the time he slipped into an exhausted slumber around dawn, he still hadn't heard Kanda move away.

Worst of all was the way his training and abilities as a Bookman were actively working against him. Lavi remembered every instant of his two encounters with Kanda, down to the tiniest detail that would have completely escaped a normal person. He - or rather, his subconscious mind - could and did reconstruct the scenes over and over to torture himself with, playing them almost endlessly in his mind's eye.

One night he tried jerking off repeatedly until his body was wrung-out and incapable of rising to the challenge again. Another time he forced himself to abstain from any sort of stimulation at all for nearly two full days. As far as he could tell, neither attempt did him any good whatsoever. He was still just as consumed with thoughts of Kanda either way.

By the time Bookman finally returned to the Order, his apprentice and heir was little more than a nervous wreck despite Lenalee and Allen's best attempts to help. Lavi was picking at his dinner, as had become his habit despite the way he was losing weight he couldn't afford to lose, when he saw his mentor come into the main hall.

" _Bookman_!" he shouted, jumping to his feet and nearly overturning the bench he'd sat on. The only time he'd ever been happier to see someone had been when Kanda had returned from Athens. "Thank the gods, I thought you'd never get back!"

The elderly man was staring at him, clearly taken aback. Not surprising, considering how rarely Lavi actually called him by name without at least sticking an 'old geezer' on the end. "Are you ill, boy?" he demanded as Lavi hurried over to him.

"You have no idea," Lavi replied fervently, catching him by the arm and hauling him right back out of the room. "I know you're probably hungry," he correctly interpreted his mentor's frown. "But this is more important, _trust_ me."

Bookman's gaze sharpened as he looked at the signs of stress that were all too evident on Lavi, and finally the old man nodded. "Tell me everything," he said.

When a Bookman said 'everything', they meant ' _everything_ '. Lavi obeyed, sparing no detail despite his own embarrassment. His only concession to the intimacy of what he was describing was to switch to a language he was reasonably certain nobody else in this branch of the Order could speak. Before he'd even finished relating what had occurred in the cave Bookman looked grim, and his expression didn't lighten at all through the rest of the recitation.

Bookman interrupted him only long enough to snap a command to fetch Kanda to a passing Order member. He opened the door to the small room attached to his personal rooms that served him as a workspace, and gestured for Lavi to strip.

More than familiar with the process by which the old man used his Innocence, Lavi quickly shed his heavy jacket and shirt. The room's only furnishing was an adjustable table big enough for a fully-grown man to lie flat on. Lavi sat perched on the edge rather than sprawling out, and Bookman brought out the set of acupuncture needles that was his Innocence.

With a Bookman's precise attention to detail, and having worked on Lavi many times in the past, the old man knew exactly where each of Lavi's acupuncture points were. Normally Lavi watched the process with a certain amount of fascination, but today as the needles slid smoothly beneath his skin the only thing he could concentrate on was a fervent prayer that this would _work_.

As always the old man's face was utterly unreadable, and his only comment when he removed the needles again was a thoughtful 'hmm'. "Well?" Lavi asked, unwilling to leave it at that.

"I need to see Kanda as well," was the only thing Bookman would say. Grumbling under his breath, but knowing from experience that he wasn't going to get anything else out of his master by badgering, Lavi went to put his clothes back on.

He'd just pulled his shirt over his head when he heard a sharp knock followed by the creak of the door's hinges. "I'm.... here," Kanda's familiar voice said, the first word firm but the second trailing off uncertainly. Lavi had a feeling he knew why, and sure enough when he tugged the shirt down far enough to let him see he found the Japanese Exorcist staring at him from the doorway.

Lavi tried not to look, really he did, but it was like a flower trying to refuse the touch of the sun. He drank in the sight of Kanda hungrily, unable to get enough of just looking at the man. He wanted to touch, too, but some remaining vestige of sense reminded him that they weren't alone. He wondered if that meant the effects were starting to wear off - when they'd first been hit by it, keeping their hands off each other had been damn near impossible.

"Well? Come in, don't just stand there gawking," Bookman exclaimed when neither of them had moved for a full minute. "Take your jacket and shirt off, and sit on the table." Kanda shook his head like a man emerging from a dream, and moved towards the table as he reached for the front of his jacket.

Realizing abruptly that Kanda was about to _strip down_ right in front of him, Lavi froze in the act of reaching for his own jacket. For a moment he was literally unable to move, his mind spinning in little circles as his gaze helplessly followed the progress of Kanda's hands on the buttons.

"I. Uh." Wrenching his eye away, Lavi managed to get a bare measure of control over himself again. "I'll j-just wait outside, then," he blurted out, and abandoned his jacket in favour of beating a hasty retreat before he did something he'd regret. The door to Bookman's room was closer than the one to the outside hall, and meant he wouldn't have to walk past Kanda, so Lavi spun on his heel and headed for that one.

Unfortunately in his hurry to get away he'd turned the wrong way, towards his blind side, and he hadn't realized how close he actually was to the door. He slammed into the doorframe with his right shoulder, grunting in pain at the impact.

"Are you okay?" Kanda immediately asked him, the mingled concern and anger in his tone stabbing straight through to Lavi's heart.

"Yeah, just fine," Lavi replied through gritted teeth, rubbing at his aching shoulder. He was going to have a nasty bruise there by tomorrow, but that was still better than throwing himself at Kanda would have been.

On his second attempt to leave the room he managed to get through the door without incident, and he closed it firmly behind him before sinking down to sit in one of Bookman's chairs. Resting his head in his hands, he tried very hard not to think about Kanda sitting half-naked on the other side of the wall.

"You can come back in," Bookman finally called through the door. When Lavi hesitated, the older man added dryly, "He's dressed again."

Flushed with embarrassment at having his mentor see him acting like - well, like a hormonal teenager, Lavi came back into the examining room. His gaze went automatically to Kanda, who was very deliberately _not_ looking in his direction. There was colour high on the other Exorcist's cheeks as well, Lavi noted. This was probably even harder on Kanda than it was on Lavi.

Then again, Kanda wasn't going to have to live with Bookman teasing him about this for the next ten or twenty years. That was entirely Lavi's joy to endure. Clenching his fists to help remind him to keep control, Lavi looked at his master. "Please, tell me you can do something to fix this," he begged the old man. "I swear, I'll never call you an old panda again."

Though Bookman cracked a smile at that, the look in his eyes wasn't promising. "If it hadn't been caused by another piece of Innocence, I might have been able to rebalance your systems or at least mitigate the effects," the old man told them. "As it stands, there is little I can do."

"What?" Kanda exclaimed, his voice cracking. "That can't be right. You have to be able to do _something_! We can't live like this!"

"Hopefully the problem will resolve itself once the Innocence itself is dealt with," Bookman replied, glancing to one side.

"We're working on it, but there have been some... unwanted problems," a deep voice answered the old man's implied question. Lavi blinked as he realized that Komui had apparently joined them at some point. He'd literally been so obsessed with Kanda and with his hope that Bookman would be able to fix this, that he hadn't even noticed the man's presence.

That was bad, _beyond_ bad. For him, a trained Bookman, to miss something that obvious... Lavi groaned and pressed the heel of his palm against his uncovered eye. "Yuu's right, we can't keep this up," he grated out. "If this goes on much longer, I refuse to be held responsible for my actions."

"What problems?" Kanda demanded, his voice frosty with contempt that was a thin veneer over his obvious panic.

"Well," Komui admitted almost cheerfully, "the first few people we had working on it are, er, a bit tied up at the moment. We're still trying to figure out a method for handling it that won't end up with all subsequent researchers in exactly the same situation."

"Y'mean it put _them_ under the damn spell, too," Lavi translated, looking up wearily. "I suppose we should be grateful the fucking Innocence at least didn't send them lusting after _us_."

"It does seem to only work on two people at a time," Komui told them. "We briefly tried having only one person working on it at a time, but they simply ended up fixating on whomever they next encountered."

"Lock someone in a room and shove food through a slot until they've dealt with it," Kanda suggested, unsympathetic to the plight of the poor researcher in question. "This situation is completely unacceptable!"

"The best solution I can offer for now is to send one or both of you away on separate missions," Komui said, shrugging.

"We'll go," Bookman said, rolling up the case that contained his cleaned needles and stuffing it back inside his jacket. "There are some things we should be checking on anyway, and seeing how well you're able to keep your records while you're this distracted will be good training for you," he added to Lavi.

Rubbing sheepishly at the back of his neck, Lavi gave his mentor a sickly grin. He didn't think his records were going to be particularly comprehensive until this was resolved - or even very coherent. But the old man was right that if he wanted to be the next Bookman, he had to be able to function and keep accurate records no matter what was going on.

"That settles it, then," Komui declared, clapping his hands. "With any luck, by the time you get back the problem will have been dealt with."

Lavi could only hope that was true. It was a slender thread to cling to, but it was literally all they had left.


	4. Chapter 4

Being trapped in the headquarters of the Black Order when Lavi wasn't there was both better and worse than when the redhead _was_ present, Kanda was discovering. On the one hand, it meant he could safely emerge from his room without having to worry about running into the man in the halls and creating a scene, and he'd been getting very sick of having nothing to do but stare at the flower slowly wilting in its hourglass.

On the other hand, it meant he spent all his time fretting over Lavi, worrying that something would happen to him and itching to chase after him and keep him safe. Their job was an inherently dangerous one, even on supposedly routine missions like the one Lavi and Bookman had gone on. Kanda wasn't used to this feeling of barely suppressed panic that grew a little with every day that went by without Lavi's safe return.

Worry for Lavi made him irritable, and his anger over the fact that he was worrying at all made him even _more_ irritable. Given that he was irritable by nature to start with, it didn't take long before everyone in the Order had learned to stay well out of his way any time he left his room. Even Allen quickly gave up on his misguided attempts to distract him or cheer him up.

That suited Kanda just fine. He'd always been a loner, and had never been much for company at the best of times. Now being around the others only made him that much more sharply aware of Lavi's absence. Under ordinary circumstances it would have been Lavi who would persist in trying to tease Kanda out of his bad mood, no matter how much Kanda growled at him or how many threats were made against his life.

Slowly, painfully, Kanda found various ways of coping with and distracting himself from his forced obsession with the redhead. The best method by far was to work himself to exhaustion, so that he simply didn't have the energy left to brood. It was harder than it should have been to achieve the proper state of no-mind for training with his sword, but that didn't stop him from trying.

So he spent the majority of his time outside, climbing the rocky crags of the mountainside or doing hours and hours of shadow-sparring and practice kata. Ironically, despite the way the spell cast by that damn Innocence was eroding his mental discipline, Kanda had to admit that he'd never been in better physical condition.

Every night he collapsed into his bed, so tired he was asleep almost before his head hit the pillow. Even so, he never once neglected to whisper a heartfelt prayer to the gods that _this_ time he would be too worn out to dream. Some nights it worked, but not always.

By the time Lavi and Bookman had been gone for a little over two weeks, Kanda thought he was finally starting to get a handle on his unwanted emotions. He'd gotten to the point where he could go several hours without once thinking of the redhead, as long as he kept himself occupied with other things. He'd even spent an entire hour in a proper meditative trance that afternoon, and felt much better for it. As he stumbled into his room that night and started to strip down, he congratulated himself on recovering his normal strength of will and focus.

And, even if it was more than a bit childish, he couldn't help aiming a petulant ' _so there_ ' at the damn Innocence that had started the whole mess. He _was_ the master of his own mind and body and no chunk of inanimate rock, however powerful, would take that from him for long.

When he dropped down onto the bed, however, he got a nasty shock as he found himself suddenly enveloped by Lavi's scent. Before this disaster he would have been hard pressed to be able to identify the other man by scent alone, but after their two... indiscretions... Kanda would have known that particular combination of spice and musk anywhere.

His eyes flew open again, and he shoved himself up onto one hand. Only then did he actually look around the room properly, and he swore viciously under his breath. Instead of his familiar walls and the single table with his hourglass, the room was completely alien. Given the scent soaked into the sheets and pillow, it wasn't hard to figure out just whose room he'd wandered into by mistake.

How much of a mistake could it have been, really? Most people in the Order didn't bother to lock their rooms, as few of them had anything of real value and anyway the only people with access to these floors were other members of the Order. But it wasn't as if Lavi's room was right next to his, even if it was in the same hall. Clearly his subconscious mind had driven him here while he was busy gloating over how well he'd been keeping himself from thinking about Lavi.

Kanda knew he needed to get up and go back to his own room. Sleeping _here_ was just begging for trouble in half a dozen different ways. He'd be sure to suffer from dreams, surrounded by Lavi's enticing scent as he was. And what if someone saw him coming out of here in the morning?

Worse, what if Lavi and Bookman came back? It wouldn't be the first time one of the Exorcists returned from a mission at a ridiculously late hour of the night, and the two were due back soon.

Unfortunately his own cleverness was working against him now. He so exhausted that it was overwhelming to even think of dragging himself out of the bed, putting his clothes back on and going all the way down the hall to his own room. With a groan Kanda gave in and fell back against the mattress, huddling into the blankets. It wouldn't kill him to sleep here for one night, and if Lavi did come back... well, he'd deal with that when and if it happened.

If he was lucky, Lavi would spot him there in the bed and turn right around and march out again. Hell, he could even sleep in Kanda's room; that would only be fair. Or better yet, maybe the redhead would just crawl in with him and...

Growling, Kanda fell asleep in the midst of trying to convince himself that was _not_ a 'better' option.

As he'd expected, his dreams were tortured and feverish, full of the soft sound of Lavi's voice murmuring in his ear and the glide of the man's callused hands over Kanda's oversensitive skin. They left him gasping for air and writhing in agonized pleasure, half convinced that Lavi really had come back and joined him in the bed because it felt so real. When he jerked awake and the maddening touch disappeared just as he tumbled over the edge into orgasm, Kanda cried out in sheer frustration.

It took him a moment to regain control of himself. When he was finally able to focus on his surroundings, he found himself curled tightly around the pillow, his face buried in the fabric so he could better smell the traces of Lavi's scent that clung there. Mortified by his own lack of control, Kanda shoved himself hastily out of the bed.

He'd made a royal mess of the sheets, he realized with dismay. As bad as his dreams had been since that damned Innocence had started playing with his hormones, this was the first time he'd actually reached orgasm without even touching himself. Cursing himself heatedly, he stripped the bedding and shoved the bundle into the narrow chute that led from their rooms down to the laundry. Maybe Lavi would just assume that one of the men and women who took care of the workers of the Order had decided to clean the redhead's bedding while he was away and forgotten to put new linens on.

Despite his unsatisfying release, Kanda was still hard enough that he ached with it. Ignoring it, he forced himself to dress with shaking hands. Once he judged himself to be presentable enough to make it back to his own room, he stormed out into the hall, praying that at least nobody would catch him making a fool of himself like this.

Clearly he hadn't been making nearly enough offerings to the gods lately, because Allen was just emerging from his room, looking sleepy and rumpled. He woke up fast enough when he saw Kanda, though, his eyes going wide as he took in which room the Japanese man had come from.

"Kanda?" he exclaimed, blinking owlishly. "What are you... is Lavi back?"

Flushing despite his best efforts to remain stoic, Kanda wondered just how much Lavi had told the others. Thus far he'd had no evidence one way or the other, and Allen _could_ have just been assuming that the only reason for Kanda to have been in Lavi's room was that he'd been speaking with the redhead, but there had been just a little too much of a knowing tone in the boy's voice for Kanda's peace of mind.

Snarling a curse foul enough that it might even have embarrassed _him_ if he wasn't relatively certain that Allen didn't speak any Japanese, Kanda stalked right past the boy. He abandoned his plans to go back to his own room, desperately not wanting to feel trapped in the confined space. Instead he took the stairs at the end of the hall two at a time, heading up towards the roof instead of down to the main halls where the rest of the Order would be gathered for breakfast.

At the top he burst through the door that led outside, and found himself immediately lashed by icy rain. It had been cold and windy for the last few days and a storm had been brewing on the horizon when he'd come in the night before. Apparently it had made good on its threat with a vengeance.

Welcoming the freezing rain as a good distraction and a way to cool his still overheated body, Kanda headed for the edge of the roof and the chest-high parapet there. He leaned against the slick stone, shivering as he stared blankly out over the wall. The clouds were thick up here, preventing him from seeing anything of the mountainside, but he wasn't really looking anyway.

This was completely out of hand. Just when he thought he was starting to get control of the effects of that damned love spell, he found himself succumbing to it in some other unexpected way. And the worst part was that, having locked himself away from caring about anyone for so long, Kanda had no real defences once the walls around his heart had been breached. He'd never needed to learn how to deal with this sort of lust-induced vulnerability, because he'd never allowed himself to feel anything like it.

The only thing he could do was let the rain slowly freeze the heat from his body, and try to excise the heat from his soul at the same time.

How long he stood out there in the icy rain, Kanda had no idea. He'd trained in harsher conditions than this, and he wasn't worried about getting sick. At least out here, he could be certain none of the others would make a well-intentioned attempt to interact with him.

Or so he thought, until someone spoke unexpectedly from behind him. So wrapped up in his own thoughts, Kanda hadn't been aware of their approach.

"Yuu." Even if Lavi hadn't been the only person in the entire Order bold enough to call him by name, Kanda couldn't have mistaken the sound of _that_ voice. Not after all the nights he'd spent dreaming of it whispering in his ear.

Clenching his hands on the edge of the wall, Kanda managed to keep himself from turning. If he met Lavi's eyes, he knew he was going to throw himself at the other man, and that would be the end of all his struggles to keep from doing something he would never forgive himself for.

"Are you crazy?" he hissed, staring blindly out into the rain instead. "Get the hell away from me!"

To his shock, he felt strong arms wind around his waist as Lavi pressed up close against his back. The other man was painfully warm compared to Kanda's rain-chilled body, almost burning him even through their heavy jackets. Kanda went rigid in Lavi's arms, though he couldn't quite bring himself to jerk away entirely. He covered Lavi's hands with his own, fingers clenching tight, but didn't manage to follow through on his original intention of yanking himself free.

"Gods, Yuu! You feel like ice!" Lavi exclaimed, hugging him a little tighter as if attempting to shelter him from the driving rain. "Allen cornered me the moment we got back, he's worried you'll catch your death of cold up here and said he didn't think you'd listen to him."

"But he thought I'd listen to _you_?" Kanda growled, furious. "How much did you tell them, anyway?"

"Nothing!" Lavi said. "Well, I sorta briefly agreed with Lenalee when she figured it out herself after watching the two of us that first day. She promised not to tell anyone, though. Allen I think guessed on his own. The beansprout is a sharp kid, you know."

"You still shouldn't be out here," Kanda insisted. "You _know_ what will happen!"

Lavi chuckled into his ear, surprising him again. "I dunno, Yuu. Maybe the spell is starting to wear off, but I'm pretty sure I'm not quite tempted enough to ravish you out here in the freezing rain. I think we're safe, at least until we get inside and warm up."

Well, Kanda had to acknowledge that was probably true. As good as it felt to have Lavi pressed against him like that, for once his body wasn't reacting in the predictable way. And from the feel of it, neither was Lavi's. It was just too damned cold.

Still, he shouldn't be standing there like an idiot, letting Lavi hold him like that. No matter how good it felt, or how much part of him wanted to lean back into the embrace and enjoy the contact. "Do you think it's really starting to wear off?" he asked cautiously, focusing on that as he attempted to convince his body to move away from Lavi. "It did seem like it was getting easier to deal with the way I was longing for you, but then I..."

He bit his tongue on the rest of that sentence, grateful he was also too cold to blush. There was absolutely no way he was going to explain what he'd done last night to the other Exorcist. He was just thanking the gods for the mercy that Lavi hadn't returned any earlier.

"I think it is," Lavi agreed. "Or else I'm just getting better at concentrating through it, because my records over the last few days have been a hell of a lot more coherent than the ones I was writing at the start. Bookman was _not_ happy with me." His dry tone said more than words could have about his master's displeasure. "I still don't think it'd be a good idea for us to spend any time together in private, but we might be okay in public."

"I'm not going to chance it," Kanda retorted. "Not until we're one hundred percent sure." But at least there might finally be a light at the end of the tunnel. He'd been starting to worry that Komui was never going to find a way to deal with the damned Innocence.

"Yeah," Lavi sighed, sounding both reluctant and relieved at the same time.

They were quiet for a minute or two, just standing there together with the rain pouring down on them. To his disgust, Kanda realized that not only had he not succeeded in moving away, he'd actually ended up melting back into Lavi's embrace and leaning his weight against the other man.

"I missed you," Lavi admitted abruptly, and Kanda frowned.

"Only because of the Innocence," he reminded the redhead shortly. "You've never missed me any other time we were separated."

"I know," Lavi nodded. "But I still missed you." There wasn't much Kanda could say to that, because the persistent ache in his own chest had finally abated now that Lavi was there with him again.

"Yuu?" Lavi's voice was husky, and despite himself Kanda shivered with something other than cold. "What are we gonna do if it doesn't..."

"Lavi?" Allen's voice interrupted them, shouting from the doorway. They were out of sight of it, the boy wouldn't be able to see them, but Kanda went stiff again anyway.

"We're fine!" Lavi called back, sounding slightly disgruntled.

"Are you sure?" Allen persisted, though thankfully it didn't seem like he was coming to look for them.

"Yeah, I'm sure! We'll be in soon," Lavi said. When Kanda made a confused noise, he explained, "I asked Allen to check on us every couple of minutes. Y'know, just in case the cold wasn't quite enough to deter us after all." His voice was both rueful and amused.

Kanda growled at the idea, but he had to admit it was sound logic based on their past behaviour. Afraid Lavi would attempt to continue their earlier conversation, and not even wanting to think about the possibility that this wouldn't eventually wear off or go away, Kanda finally found the strength to pull himself out of Lavi's arms.

"We _should_ go inside," he said. Even if he was certain he could heal fast enough not to be in any danger from catching a cold, the same couldn't be said for Lavi. And spell-induced affection or not, Kanda would never be able to live with himself if the other man suffered because of him.

"We'll figure this out, Yuu," Lavi assured him. "One way or another." Then, before Kanda could realize what he intended or gather himself to protest, Lavi caught his shoulder and turned him just far enough for the redhead to be able to press their mouths together.

Lavi's lips were cold against his, but his tongue was almost searingly hot. The contrast startled Kanda, making him moan and momentarily forget to object. He opened his mouth and let his tongue tangle with Lavi's in a way that was becoming almost familiar.

Far sooner than his body wanted, but not nearly soon enough for Kanda's peace of mind, Lavi pulled back again. "Okay, enough of that, before Allen has to come looking for us after all," the redhead declared with a quirky grin. "Inside, or we'll both freeze to death."

Not bothering to protest, Kanda simply nodded and preceded him inside, trying not to think about the way his lips were still tingling. Whether the spell was starting to wear off or not, it was clear that being around Lavi was still extremely dangerous to his mental stability.

* * *

  
This time Kanda refused to allow Lavi's presence to force him to remain confined in his tiny room. He still spent most of his time outside, but inevitably the two of them occasionally crossed paths in the halls. When that happened they managed to simply nod and pass by without doing more than looking longingly at each other, even if nobody else was around.

After a few days of that Kanda cautiously returned to eating at the same time as everyone else. He'd been getting tired of scrounging for cold food; and, more importantly, the times he came closest to giving in to his desire for Lavi were when he passed by the man's door late at night. The memory of the one night he'd spent in that room, of sleeping in a bed filled with Lavi's scent and the dreams it had evoked, still haunted him. The thought of what it would be like to do it with Lavi there was almost more than he could handle.

The worst of it was, he knew the other man would probably welcome him gladly, at least until they came to their senses again. And he was starting to wonder just how much Lavi would regret it even later.

Thoughts like that would only lead to him making a fool of himself, though, so he avoided them whenever possible. It wasn't as hard to spend time in the main rooms with the other man as he'd thought it would be; for the most part he was able to keep to himself in his corner like he always did, and satisfy himself with watching Lavi from the shadows. Every now and then the redhead would meet his eyes and heat would flash over him, but Lavi did nothing more than look back.

At least it _was_ easier than it had been, though Kanda's heart - and his body - never completely stopped yearning for Lavi. He dared to hope they would be free of this damn spell yet, and redoubled his efforts to find ways of controlling and diverting himself.

And, of course, it was that complacency that caused him to slip up, yet again. This time in a far more disastrous way than by accidentally sleeping in Lavi's empty room.

He'd spent the day in one of his newfound favourite pastimes, free climbing down one of the steeper faces of the mountain. It took most of the day and left his arms feeling weak with the effort, but it was good training and had the added benefit of requiring all of his attention. One slip could mean falling much further than even he could recover from, and he had no desire to die in such an ignominious way. So while he was climbing, he was able to focus himself completely and forget about the trouble with his wayward heart.

Not even he was masochistic enough to want to climb back _up_ , though, so he invariably took the elevator back up from the bottom. Kanda was tired enough that he only barely registered that the elevator was already occupied as he stepped on, moving automatically to one side to let whoever it was get off.

It was the choked sound of his own name - his _given_ name, not his family name - that made him jerk his eyes up and pay more attention to his surroundings. Too late he realized that it was Lavi standing there staring back at him, looking like a cornered animal.

Kanda froze, his heart suddenly beating too fast in his chest. Lavi still wasn't moving, probably because getting off the elevator would require brushing by Kanda. Newfound resistance to the spell or not, that was _definitely_ not a good idea. But if Lavi wasn't moving that meant Kanda needed to back off again, and _fast_. Before...

...before the door closed, like it had just done. As if the movement of the door had broken whatever power had kept them motionless, they both lunged for the 'door open' button. Unfortunately they promptly got in each other's way, and by the time they sorted themselves out enough for Kanda to stab at the button, the elevator had already started its creaking journey to the top of the mountain.

"Shit," Lavi breathed out, as they were left staring at each other again. This time from much closer, only inches apart. They were trapped alone together in the small elevator cage until it reached the top.

With an effort of will Kanda wrenched himself away, backing up until he hit the wall behind him. It took a distressingly small number of steps to get there. They were in the tiny personnel elevator, not the big freight one. He wasn't sure if that was better or worse; the freight elevator was big enough that they could have stood further apart, but it also took a lot longer to get to the top.

"How..." His voice cracked, and he grimaced and cleared his throat before trying again. "How long does it take to get to the top?" He'd never bothered to track it, he just knew it was 'a long time'.

"Seventeen minutes, fifty-three seconds," Lavi replied. Somehow it didn't surprise Kanda at all that the other man knew the answer down to the second. "Which is actually pretty damn fast, considering how much distance it covers."

"Great. Remind me to be consoled when we make it off without molesting each other," Kanda snapped. Immediately he knew it was the wrong thing to have said; his fevered brain was more than happy to provide mental images of how they could pass the time, and from the glazed look in Lavi's eye the redhead wasn't any better off.

Swallowing visibly, Lavi shook his head. "We can handle this," he asserted, though he didn't sound convinced of it himself. "We're adults, and professionals, and it _has_ been getting better lately. Just think of it as our final exam. If we can get through this, we can probably relax a little."

"Right," Kanda agreed, deliberately turning to stare at the wall instead of looking at Lavi. Anything to stop himself from thinking about how much he wanted to taste the other Exorcist's mouth again. It didn't help that Lavi was chewing on his lower lip, like he had that day on the train.

They were both quiet for a minute or two; the only sounds were the creaking of the elevator and the soft rustling noises Lavi made as he fidgeted. Kanda was half tempted to do the same, needing to burn off some of the restless heat that flooded through his system, but he refused break his discipline that badly.

"So, uh," Lavi finally blurted out, sounding half desperate. "Think Komui'll have a mission for us soon? One of us, I mean, not both of us. Lenalee and Allen are both out again. I think he's been holding us back to make sure we're up to it, but he can't keep us in reserve forever."

It was obvious that Lavi was trying to distract himself, given the way he was babbling, but Kanda wished the man would just shut up. It was impossible to ignore his presence when he was speaking, and the breathless, husky quality of his voice was going straight to Kanda's cock. The last time Lavi had sounded like that had been just after giving him a blowjob, and thinking about _that_ was not doing Kanda's composure any good at all.

"I don't know," Kanda replied, wincing when his own voice came out as a rough growl. He actually _heard_ Lavi shiver, and a faint whimper escaped the redhead that did nothing to help Kanda's self-control.

"Uh." Lavi seemed to be searching for something to talk about, and Kanda fervently prayed he wouldn't find anything. His plea to the gods was once again in vain, as Lavi continued after a moment. "At least Lenalee and Allen don't seem to have said anything about this to everyone else. I've seen Reever giving me some odd looks, especially when you're around, but otherwise they all seem pretty oblivious. And Reever might just be wondering why I'm not being as friendly towards you as I usually am, so..."

"For the love of the gods, Lavi, will you _shut up_?" Kanda snapped. If prayers didn't work, maybe the direct route would. He clenched his fists tight enough to dig his nails into his palms, squeezing his eyes closed as well to avoid the temptation to look at the other man.

Again there was a brief silence, and Kanda dared to hope Lavi might actually be smart enough to stay quiet. Then he heard the redhead draw a deep, shuddering breath, and his control shattered. He didn't even think Lavi had been intending to speak, but to Kanda's fevered imagination the ragged breath had sounded far too much like someone trembling on the edge of orgasm.

Opening his eyes, he had to gasp himself when he saw Lavi leaning back against the far wall with his eye closed, biting his knuckle in an obvious attempt to keep himself quiet as ordered. That was all, he wasn't doing anything else, but there was something unbearably erotic about the image. Maybe it was just the associations; Kanda had done exactly the same thing often enough when trying to stay silent as he jerked off, especially recently. He was only human, after all.

He crossed the distance between them in two quick strides and slammed his hands into the wall on either side of Lavi, startling the redhead into opening his eye. "Yuu!" Lavi cried out, his voice breaking on the word as Kanda bent his head to bite hard at the column of Lavi's throat. Lavi's hands came up to clutch at the other man's shoulders, and he moaned and arched into the bite.

"Tell me to stop," Kanda half dared, half ordered him. If Lavi said 'stop', actually _said_ it, he thought maybe he could still convince himself to back off. Maybe. "Tell me to _stop_ , Lavi!"

"S-stop," Lavi stuttered obediently, but the command was at odds with the way he moaned and tilted his head back to give Kanda better access.

"Damn it, say it like you _mean_ it!" Kanda snarled at him, reaching up to yank the other man's scarf out of his way. He sucked at the skin beneath it, knowing he was going to leave a mark and only turned on further by the thought.

"Oh gods, I can't," Lavi groaned, one hand coming up to tangle in Kanda's long hair, holding him close. "I can't, Yuu. I _don't_ want you to!"

"If you don't say it, then so help me I am going to fuck you into this wall until you can't stand straight," Kanda threatened him desperately, hoping that at least the idea of going that far would be enough to make the other man hesitate. Instead Lavi shuddered against him in a way that had nothing to do with revulsion, and that was the end of Kanda's self-restraint.

He caught Lavi's mouth in a searing kiss, almost more angry than passionate. Kanda bit down on the other man's lip the same way Lavi had once done to him, not quite hard enough to draw blood. Lavi whimpered and shivered again, clinging to Kanda like he was afraid his legs would give out otherwise.

Kanda didn't even realize he was groping at Lavi's jacket until the zipper finally gave way and he was able to push the heavy fabric aside, running his hands over the thin linen shirt Lavi wore beneath. He could trace the solid muscles beneath, feel the way they rippled as Lavi let go of him long enough to shrug the jacket off his shoulders and let it fall to the floor.

Tugging at the shirt, Kanda winced mentally as he heard it rip. He hadn't meant to pull that hard. Well, since it was ruined anyway, and he hadn't heard Lavi object... he tugged harder, and tore it right off the other man's body. Far from protesting, Lavi only moaned and arched up into the touch when Kanda stopped kissing him and ran his mouth over Lavi's chest instead.

Lavi hadn't been idle, having managed to undo Kanda's jacket as well. Kanda let go long enough to shove his jacket off, glad that he wasn't wearing a shirt beneath it because of how hot he got from the effort of climbing. That meant they could be skin to skin right away, and he was fully convinced Lavi would have torn his shirt off in turn.

They were fumbling at each other's pants now, and some distant part of Kanda's mind knew they weren't going to stop with hands or mouths this time unless he did something. How much longer did they have until the elevator got to the top?

"Wait," he rasped, pulling back and catching Lavi's hand before the other man had managed to do more than unbutton his fly. "Turn around." If he had to keep looking at the other man, he _was_ going to end up fucking him. The half drugged look of dazed pleasure in Lavi's eye was enough to make Kanda forget himself and what little sense he still had left.

"You know we're only doing this because of the damn Innocence, right?" Lavi panted, twisting obediently and bracing himself on his forearms against the wall of the elevator. It was obvious from his position that he was fully expecting Kanda to make good on his earlier threat, and Lavi's easy acceptance of the idea nearly made Kanda change his mind and go ahead with it.

But even if he'd truly wanted to, Kanda knew it would be a phenomenally bad idea. Not only were they likely to take longer than the time they had remaining before reaching the top, but he understood enough about how it worked between men to know he would probably hurt Lavi badly without something to ease his passage or enough time to work the other man open.

"I don't care," he growled in response to Lavi's question, tugging the redhead's pants down until they fell to puddle around his ankles.

"Oh, good," Lavi replied, and the relief in his voice was clear. "Me neither. Fuck, Yuu, _do_ it already! We don't have much time left!"

Reaching around the other man's body, Kanda wrapped his fingers around Lavi's cock and squeezed hard, stroking. The redhead groaned and bucked into the touch, pre-come already helping to ease the friction of each stroke. Shaking with the effort it took to restrain himself, Kanda pressed up against his back and let Lavi feel the pressure of his erection.

"Like this," he said, and used his other hand to pull his cock out of his pants and guide himself between Lavi's legs. He was rubbing into the crease of the other man's ass now, his cock gliding over Lavi's hole but not pressing in. When he pushed forward as far as he could, the head of his cock brushed against Lavi's balls from behind.

Getting the idea, Lavi squeezed his legs together and Kanda moaned at the sudden increase of pressure. He thrust repeatedly between Lavi's thighs, harder and faster than he would have dared to if he'd actually been inside the other man. It was hard to concentrate, but he did his best to stroke Lavi's cock in time to his thrusts.

"Yuu, gods, gods, fuck, that feels so good," Lavi was babbling, his voice shaking with need. "Shit, Yuu, need you, need it so bad, want it, fuck..."

"Shut up," Kanda told him again, begging this time, because if Lavi kept talking like that he was going to break. Lavi just groaned and shifted one hand so he could bite at his knuckle again, the stream of words turning into incoherent moans and whimpers.

That was better, though only marginally. At least Lavi wasn't pleading to be taken any more. Kanda thrust faster, biting at Lavi's shoulder hard enough to leave a deep mark behind, his rhythm starting to fall apart as he felt his balls tighten and draw up against his body. He moaned, shuddering against Lavi's back as he came. It was just as intense as it had been the other times, leaving him feeling stunned and witless.

His hand faltered on Lavi's cock, and the redhead stopped biting at his knuckle and dropped his hand to cover Kanda's instead. Rather than pushing him out of the way, Lavi just used his grip to guide Kanda's fingers over his cock in a continuing rhythm, panting and whimpering deep in his throat as he rocked into each stroke. After a moment Kanda recovered himself enough to actively participate again, flicking his thumb over the head of Lavi's cock with each pass.

That was enough to push the redhead over the edge, and Lavi cried out hoarsely as gobs of sticky white fluid spurted over their joined hands. Lavi's knees finally gave out on him, and Kanda followed him down helplessly until they were half sitting in a tangled sprawl of limbs.

"Mmm." Lavi had turned a bit as they fell so he was half facing Kanda, and he was able to nuzzle into the other Exorcist's dark hair. "Felt so good. Holy gods, I needed that bad."

Still more than a little dazed, Kanda said the first thing that came into his head. "I think we failed the test."

Lavi laughed, the sound strangled. "Yeah, I think we did too," the redhead agreed. "We are so screwed, you realize that." He made it a statement, not a question.

"It's been getting better," Kanda protested, but he didn't sound convincing even to himself. It had gotten better, yes, at least so that they were able to function in public - but as they'd just proven, they couldn't even spend fifteen minutes in private without going at each other like animals in heat.

"Would it really be so bad?" Lavi asked, sounding almost wistful. "If we stopped fighting it so hard, I bet we wouldn't spend all our time obsessing over each other like we've been doing. We could get on with our lives like normal, only... together."

"Stop it," Kanda hissed, horrified. Not by what Lavi was saying, but rather by his own surge of longing for the idea. It was getting more and more difficult to convince himself that he _wanted_ the spell removed, and Lavi wasn't helping. "You're only saying that because of the fucking Innocence, you _know_ that."

"Not sure I actually care any more," Lavi admitted, his voice hardly louder than a whisper. He pulled away enough to let him meet Kanda's gaze, his one visible eye dark with longing and vulnerability. "Do you? Really?"

"Yes," Kanda insisted, even as his heart answered 'no'. Feeling oddly like Lavi could look through his eyes all the way to his soul, he untangled himself from the other man and desperately reached for his clothes. "Now get dressed, we must be almost there."

To his extreme relief Lavi didn't try to press the argument, instead sighing deeply and grabbing his pants. He looked troubled and a little hurt, which made Kanda's heart ache even more, but the Japanese man ignored it with an effort.

No matter what, Kanda couldn't let himself give in to the temptation to surrender to the effects of this damn spell. It wasn't _real_ , he reminded himself yet again. And he couldn't afford that sort of distraction no matter what the circumstances prompting it were. Based on Bookman's reaction to the whole mess, he had more than a suspicion that Lavi couldn't afford it either.

Once again Kanda strengthened his resolve. He would not allow this to happen again. No matter what, he could not let himself get used to having Lavi this way.


	5. Chapter 5

The level two Akuma they'd been sent after was wily; like a chameleon it could change its appearance at will, allowing it to blend perfectly with its surroundings. Lavi cursed as he got a face full of dirt and was forced to shield his eye; in the moments he wasn't watching, the Akuma shifted forms and he lost track of it again.

"Allen!" he called to his partner, swinging his hammer up into a defensive stance. He was incredibly grateful he was paired with the younger Exorcist for this mission; Allen's cursed eye let the boy spot the Akuma no matter how often it changed itself. Otherwise they'd both have been dead already.

Unfortunately it always took a moment for Allen to find the thing again, and then another moment for him to relay the location to Lavi. Those few seconds were just enough time for the monster to come surging at Lavi again, seeming to emerge from the brick wall on his blind side. Allen's warning shout came just barely in time for Lavi to spin, spot it, and bring his hammer up to slam it away from him.

It shifted again and melted back into the nearest surface. Lavi swore under his breath and searched for it frantically, not wanting to be caught by surprise again.

"This is ridiculous," Allen said from behind him. "You need to be able to see it, too!"

Lavi heard the distinctive click and whir of the boy's cursed eye activating its advanced form. His stomach dropped to approximately the level of his feet, and he swallowed hard as he braced himself. The first time Allen's curse had extended itself and temporarily granted the people around the boy the ability to see the trapped souls of the Akuma, Lavi had nearly been sick and had hardly been able to eat for a week afterwards. He still had nightmares about it sometimes. But Allen was right that unless they could both see the damned Akuma when it changed forms, chances were good Lavi was going to be hurt or even killed before they could stop it.

The world went strange around the edges, and Lavi rapidly scanned the area, looking for the unmistakeable shape of the soul hovering somewhere in the square. He found it without much trouble, and brought his hammer up with a yell as he charged towards it.

It turned to face him, and he nearly tripped over his own feet as he got a good look at it. The souls of the Akuma were wretched, twisted things, barely even recognizable as the human beings they'd once been. But Lavi would have known _that_ face no matter how tormented the form it was on.

" _Yuu_?" he exclaimed, stunned. It couldn't be possible, it _couldn't_ be. Kanda was alive and well back at the Order; Lavi had seen him just two days ago, before he'd left with Allen for this mission. And who would have been desperate enough - and stupid enough - to call the Exorcist's soul back even if he _had_ died?

The bound soul moaned something that sounded suspiciously like Lavi's name and reached out for him. Its expression was begging, tortured, pleading for release from its eternal torment. Lavi gagged, horrified. Just the thought that Kanda might be dead was enough to make him want to scream with how bad it hurt, but the thought of his friend, his _love_ , trapped forever as an Akuma was more than he could bear.

He swung his hammer around, intending to at least release the soul from the Akuma, tears streaming freely down his face. But at the last moment he found that he couldn't bring himself to do it. Not when it was Kanda looking back at him rather than a faceless monster. Instead he let the shaft of the hammer drop from his hand at the last moment, leaving himself wide open and defenceless when the Akuma came plunging at him with one arm extended in a razor-sharp blade.

At that moment he _wanted_ to die, wanted the monster to pierce his heart and make it stop hurting so badly, but some lingering shred of self-preservation made him throw himself to one side to avoid the blow.

Lavi hit the ground with a jolt that knocked all the air out of him, and flailed. To his surprise he found himself tangled in something confining, restricting his limbs. He fought against it, struggling to free himself, and emerged to find he was...

...completely alone, lying wrapped in his blanket on the stone floor next to his bed, safe back in his room at the Order. For a long moment Lavi just stared at the room in a daze as his lungs laboured to get his breath back.

His emotions caught up with him all at once, and his stomach rebelled. He barely managed to scramble up onto his hands and knees before he was retching helplessly, his body bringing up what felt like everything he'd eaten for the last week. Coughing and choking on the bile, Lavi desperately tried to wrest his body back under control.

A dream. It had all been a dream? Finally managing to stop throwing up, Lavi leaned back against the side of his bed, wracked with tremors. Normally he could always tell when he was dreaming, because it was either a perfect recreation of something he'd already lived through or else it lacked the staggering amount of detail that he absorbed whenever he experienced something in real life. This time had been different, and the memory of it stayed with him as surely as anything he'd ever memorized for his records.

Suddenly Lavi had an urgent need to see for himself that it _had_ only been a dream, not a recreation of a memory. He scrambled up out of his soiled bedclothes and went for the door, more than a little unsteady on his feet.

Uncaring that he was dressed only in the long, thin shirt he slept in, soaked in sweat and more than a little dishevelled from battling against his bedding, Lavi staggered down the hall to Kanda's room. He wouldn't go inside, he promised himself, his hand shaking as he reached for the door. He'd just look, reassure himself that Kanda was safely asleep in bed, and go back to his own room to clean up the mess he'd left behind.

Except Kanda _wasn't_ safely asleep in bed, he discovered to his horror when he eased the door open and peered inside. The other Exorcist's room was empty, almost sterile, the bed perfectly made and untouched despite the lateness of the hour.

Still half caught by the emotions evoked by the nightmare, Lavi had just enough time to start to genuinely panic before a familiar and incredibly welcome voice growled at him from behind, "What the fuck do you think you're _doing_ , idiot?"

Spinning on his heel, Lavi clutched at the doorframe for support. There were no words to express his sheer relief on seeing Kanda standing before him in the hall, hands on his hips and glaring heatedly. "Yuu!" he exclaimed, just barely managing to keep his voice low so he wouldn't wake the whole damn hall.

Forgetting all about anything as unimportant as dignity, he literally threw himself at the other man, catching Kanda in a tight embrace. Lavi buried his face in the other man's shoulder, reassuring himself with the solid feel of Kanda beneath him.

"What..." Kanda's irritation faded into concern, and he lifted his hands to brace Lavi by the shoulders. "You're _shaking_ ," he observed, startled. "Lavi, what the hell happened?"

"Sorry," Lavi apologized, but he fisted his hands in Kanda's jacket so he couldn't be easily pushed away. "Sorry, I'll let go in a second. I... had a bad dream."

He didn't need to see the way one of Kanda's eyebrows shot up; he could hear the sceptical reaction in the other man's voice when Kanda spoke. "You're behaving like this because of a _nightmare_?"

"Let me rephrase that," Lavi said, his voice still trembling but managing to recover some of his usual dry humour. "I had a _really_ bad dream. I just... I just needed to see for myself that you were okay."

Taking a deep breath, he lifted his head and pulled away enough so he could look Kanda in the face. Lavi knew he must look a fright; his hair was down and mussed, his nightshirt faintly stained from his retching earlier, and his skin so pale he was grateful he didn't suffer the usual redhead curse of freckles.

To his surprise Kanda didn't let him back off completely, tightening the grip he had on Lavi's shoulders. Glancing around the hall, Kanda frowned. "We shouldn't be just standing around out here. Come on." Dropping one hand, he pushed his door the rest of the way open and tugged Lavi inside.

"You sure this is a good idea, Yuu?" Lavi made a weak effort to tease the other man as the door closed behind them, leaving them alone together in a small space for the first time since they'd been in the elevator two days ago. "You remember what happened last time we were alone."

"I don't think you're in any shape to jump me," Kanda pointed out scathingly. "You're a mess. Sit down before you collapse." Letting go of Lavi's shoulder, he moved to pour water into a metal basin from a pitcher.

Obediently Lavi sat himself on the edge of the bed, tracking Kanda with his gaze like a beacon. The dream had been so vividly intense that he kept expecting the man to vanish like the chameleon Akuma if Lavi so much as blinked.

After a moment Kanda brought him a damp cloth and a cup of water. Lavi gratefully took the cloth, wiping the sweat off his face before draping it over the back of his neck. The water he sipped at gingerly, doing his best to get the awful taste of bile out of his mouth.

Normally he never let himself lose track of what the people around him were doing, but he trusted Kanda enough that it was actually a surprise when the other man draped a blanket over his shoulders. "Thanks," Lavi said hoarsely, clutching the heavy wool fabric together at his neck with one hand. He was still shivering, with emotion more than with cold, but the blanket made him feel better anyway.

Settling beside him on the bed, one leg tucked up beneath him, Kanda regarded Lavi with a narrowed gaze. He looked angry, but Lavi had gotten good enough at reading past Kanda's automatic defences to know that the anger was hiding genuine concern and worry. "I've never seen you so upset," the Japanese Exorcist said.

Lavi gave a half shrug, smiling wryly. "I can't remember the last time I _was_ this upset," he confessed. "I know it's stupid. Especially for me; dreams never bother me. Something about that one, though..."

He shook his head, looking down and picking at a flaw in the blanket. He didn't want to explain any further than that, didn't want to admit that it was the thought of Kanda suffering as an Akuma that had driven him to this state. He knew the other man would probably give his standard 'it's only because of the Innocence' reply, and at the moment Lavi thought he might just have to punch Kanda for that.

"Anyway," he said, glad when his voice only shook a little this time. "I'm sorry I bothered you. I feel like an idiot, I can tell you that. I..."

Gentle fingers brushed over his cheek, and Lavi jumped. Looking up at Kanda, he was dismayed to realize he was seeing everything through a haze of tears, and there was wetness on Kanda's knuckles where he'd touched Lavi. "Oh, for..." Lavi muttered, scrubbing at his cheek, thoroughly embarrassed. "Okay, I take it back. _Now_ I feel like an idiot."

Hesitantly, like he wasn't quite sure he was doing it right, Kanda reached out and tugged Lavi into a comforting embrace. He wrapped his arms around Lavi and held him close, his posture stiff and awkward. Lavi couldn't help but laugh, though it came out more like a sob.

"Keep this up, and you're gonna have me crying on your shoulder like a damn baby," he warned the other man. "And you'll never pry me off you."

"Would it make you feel better?" Kanda asked, surprising Lavi again. "I... I can't just sit here and watch you hurting so much. I have to do _something_. If not this, then tell me what."

"No," Lavi shook his head slightly, his cheek rubbing over Kanda's silky hair. "No, this is fine. Thank you, it does help." He sniffled and closed his eye, beating off the tears of terror and exhaustion. Terror from the nightmare, and exhaustion from the struggle against this damned love spell that held them both bound to each other. He was so tired of fighting himself, of denying his heart and soul.

Slowly the panic and fear induced by the nightmare faded, replaced by the warm comfort of being embraced by someone he trusted and cared about. Lavi couldn't remember ever being held like this, and he found it was addicting. Kanda said nothing, though he did relax and start to rub his hand over Lavi's back after a few moments.

Eventually Lavi realized he was growing drowsy, drifting off in Kanda's arms like a sleepy child. "Mmm, feels good," he murmured, wishing he could stay right where he was forever. Reluctantly he stirred. "I should probably go back to my own room."

Before they got carried away _again_ , and did something that would make Kanda avoid him entirely for another week. And this time, in a bedroom with no one around and no time limit, Lavi had no illusions about how far they would end up going.

To his surprise, Kanda tightened his arms instead of letting him go. "Not yet," the Japanese Exorcist said softly. Not really wanting to protest, Lavi nodded and rested his head on the other man's shoulder. Surely it wouldn't hurt anything for them to stay like this for another few minutes. It wasn't sexual at all, just comforting; even Kanda couldn't object to that. Just as long as Lavi... didn't fall... asleep...

The next thing Lavi was aware of was the feel of the morning sunlight on the right side of his face, and gentle fingers carding through his hair. The light alone wouldn't have woken him, since he could only sense it as warmth rather than seeing it. There was one cool area over his eye where the eyepatch shielded his face, providing a strange contrast. It was the touch on his hair that really drew him from sleep, sending waves of drowsy pleasure through him with each stroking motion.

Making a noise like a contented cat, he tilted his head into the contact. From beside him came a soft curse, and the fingers left his hair so fast he was surprised they didn't pull any out. "Hey, you stopped," he complained lazily, forcing his eye open.

He was sleeping with his left side to the pillow, something he _never_ did, but he understood why when he found himself lying on his side facing Kanda. They were pressed close together on the narrow bed, legs tangled and Lavi's arm over Kanda's waist. After another moment Lavi realized it wasn't a pillow he was lying on at all, but rather Kanda's other arm.

At some point Kanda had apparently shed his jacket and shirt, and was wearing only his pants. Lavi spared a brief moment to be disappointed that he was dressed in the opposite manner, so the only skin-to-skin contact was his cheek on Kanda's shoulder. Then again, that was probably a good thing; it didn't take much to encourage them to get carried away these days.

"I didn't mean to wake you," Kanda said, sounding uncomfortable. Lavi shook his head and nuzzled a little closer, still half asleep. Tentatively Kanda started stroking through his hair again, and Lavi sighed happily.

There was a word to describe what he was feeling right now, Lavi was certain of it. But despite the many languages he was fluent in, he couldn't find it. It was a mixture of comfort and contentment, warmth and a quiet joy. It felt like he'd found somewhere he belonged.

Maybe, just maybe, he thought this might be how it felt to 'come home'. It was a concept foreign to a Bookman, but if this was what it was like he could finally understand why other people put so much importance on it.

Whatever it was, he wanted to cling to it forever. He resisted waking up the rest of the way, because some part of him knew that once he was awake he was going to have to leave quickly to prevent another disastrous slip of control like what had happened in the elevator.

Then again, Kanda certainly wasn't acting like he wanted Lavi to leave. He hadn't growled once, hadn't even glared at him. For that matter, apparently at some point after Lavi had fallen asleep Kanda had gotten up, stripped down, arranged Lavi under the blankets and then crawled in to join him.

"Y'shouldn't be encouraging me like this, Yuu," he whispered, contradicting himself by tightening his hold on Kanda's waist. "I'm not sure how much more of the hot and cold routine I can take, to be honest."

Every time he'd thought Kanda might be giving in to the feelings between them, every time Lavi had started to hope despite himself, Kanda had thoroughly shut him out and avoided him. The latest mess over the elevator incident was only the most recent example. Lavi had given up on trying to pretend he still wanted the damn love spell removed, or thinking he could just go back to normal once it was gone, as if nothing had ever happened. He understood that Kanda hadn't taken that step and didn't want to, but that didn't stop the mixed signals from driving Lavi half crazy.

This time when Kanda stroked through Lavi's hair he didn't stop, continuing the caress down over Lavi's neck and back through the thin fabric of his nightshirt. Lavi made a startled noise and arched into the contact. "I spent the whole night thinking while watching you sleep," Kanda admitted, pressing close and burying his face in Lavi's hair. He continued to draw his hand up and down Lavi's back, making Lavi shiver repeatedly against him. "I can't... I can't fight this any more. I want to watch you wake up beside me every day. I need you too badly, and I don't have any defences left."

Fighting his own desire to give in, Lavi tried to marshal his few remaining functioning brain cells. Would this really be different than the other times Kanda had given in to the spell and regretted it afterwards? Could Lavi handle the heartbreak if it wasn't?

Did he actually have the strength to say 'no' to something he wanted so badly?

"Yuu," Lavi groaned, tilting his face up. "I don't want to fight it any more, either." And maybe there was still an important distinction between 'can't' and 'don't want to', but at that moment Lavi simply couldn't bring himself to care.

Especially not when Kanda pulled back just far enough to kiss him, and the heat that had been smouldering between them burst into flame all at once. Lavi opened his mouth immediately, tongue tangling with Kanda's and searching for the sensitive spots he'd found the last times they'd done this. His perfect memory served him well, and in moments he had Kanda moaning with each flick of Lavi's tongue.

Kanda retaliated, his stroking hand dropping down to cup at the curve of Lavi's ass, drawing him closer still. Kanda's thigh slipped between Lavi's legs, pressing tight against his crotch. The rough material of Kanda's pants was almost painfully stimulating against the soft skin of Lavi's cock, but he ground down against the other man's leg with a whimper anyway.

"You're wearing too much," he complained when they finally broke apart to breathe, his hand already fumbling with Kanda's fly. "I want to feel you against me."

"So are you," Kanda retorted, moving his hand to grip Lavi's nightshirt in a tight fist, like he was intending to tear it.

"Hey! You wreck that and I have to leave here naked," Lavi protested breathlessly. He _wanted_ Kanda to rip it off him, didn't want to have to let go for the few seconds it would take to get it over his head, but he was going to have to leave the room at some point.

Growling impatiently, Kanda released him and drew back far enough to be able to push his pants down over his hips. Lavi took the opportunity to scramble out of his shirt as well, already hard enough that he was aching for Kanda's touch. He was going to last an embarrassingly short length of time, at this rate.

Kanda was faster than he was, and Lavi had barely gotten the shirt over his head before he found himself pushed back into the mattress, Kanda leaning over him and pinning him by the shoulders. "Touch yourself," Kanda ordered him, his voice husky. "I want to watch you."

"Gods, Yuu," Lavi moaned and shuddered. There was a very large part of him that had been hoping they'd go much farther than that, but he wasn't going to push Kanda past what he could handle. Maybe if they stuck to this, Kanda wouldn't pull away again so harshly afterwards. He could hope, anyway.

Determined to at least be certain he had the other man's rapt attention, Lavi decided to take his time about it. He trailed one hand down his chest to his nipple, pinching and pulling at it. His other hand dropped to cup his erection, not stroking yet. He kept his gaze locked on Kanda, watching the burning desire grow in the other man's dark eyes.

"Yeah," Lavi breathed out, further aroused just by the look on Kanda's face. Remembering the way the sound of his voice had set the other man off in the elevator, he kept talking. "You like this? Like watching me? Bet you've been thinking about it, haven't you? I know I have, gods." He groaned and finally closed his fingers around his shaft, stroking as slowly as he could bear to. "Think about you every time I do this. Your hands, your mouth, your cock... Let me see you, too," he begged.

Somewhat to his surprise Kanda obliged, shifting to lean back on his heels in the kneeling posture the Japanese called 'seiza'. With Kanda's knees slightly spread, Lavi had a good view of the other man's hard cock standing proud between his thighs, and the sight of it made Lavi moan again. He'd had his hands and mouth around it, but this was the first chance he'd had to really _look_. Even if he hadn't had a perfect memory, Lavi knew he'd never forget a single detail of that image no matter how long he lived.

Kanda wrapped his fist around himself and rocked his hips, thrusting into his hand. He tipped his head back, the morning sunlight pouring through the stained glass window to highlight his skin. It made him look like a statue to an erotic god. Lavi's breath was literally taken away, and he had to stop touching himself for a moment for fear that he would come right that second.

Kanda was still watching him, though, and frowned when he saw Lavi freeze. "Don't stop," he ordered. His voice was shaking with need, and just the sound of it made Lavi moan. "Don't hold back, damn it. I want you to come all over your stomach."

"Yes," Lavi moaned, stroking faster despite his best efforts to resume taking it slow. He was so hard it hurt, and he would have given anything to have Kanda's hands on him instead. "Fuck, Yuu, feels so good, it'd feel even better if it was you. It's okay, it's okay if you don't want to, that's fine, I don't care. I just want, just want to think about it, about you, gods I want it so bad, can't stand it, I..."

His hips were jerking up into each thrust now, and he was right on the edge of orgasm. When Kanda reached over without warning and closed his hand around Lavi's, the surprise of it combined with the extra stimulation threw Lavi over the edge headfirst. He cried out hoarsely, tipping his head back against the pillow and spilling his seed as ordered.

Lavi couldn't even be embarrassed that he'd come so quickly, not when Kanda was making helpless little noises like he was ready to follow. Forcing himself to focus again, Lavi looked up and saw that Kanda was panting, his eyes half closed with pleasure and his expression twisted with need. A moment later Kanda let go of Lavi's cock to muffle his shout of pleasure against the back of his hand, his spine arching with the force of his orgasm.

Disappointed that it was over already, Lavi instinctively braced himself. When Kanda came down off the high, Lavi was certain he'd see the other man's expression change from need to disgust, from desire to anger. Then Kanda would snarl at him and kick him out of the room, wedging the cracks in Lavi's heart open a little wider so he could bleed more freely.

Figuring it couldn't hurt to get a head start on gathering his composure, Lavi reached for a corner of the sheet to wipe himself off with. He was halted by an iron grip on his wrist, and Kanda looked down at him with an expression that was caught somewhere between a heated glare and smouldering desire. "Finished already?" Kanda growled.

"I..." Lavi's voice failed him, and he stared up at the other man in confusion and growing hope.

"Good," Kanda nodded, seemingly satisfied by Lavi's non-response. "Now that we're not going to lose it the moment we touch each other, maybe we can actually get somewhere."

He leaned down and kissed Lavi again, fiercely. With a startled noise Lavi opened himself to the kiss, lifting his clean hand to wrap around the back of Kanda's neck and hold him in place. Maybe this wasn't going to be over quite as fast as he'd thought. Well, they _were_ eighteen, and at least on Lavi's part the idea of finally finishing what they'd started weeks ago in that cave was enough to have him half hard again already.

Kanda trailed two fingertips over the semi-erect length of Lavi's cock, making him squirm and rub up into the touch. Instead of lingering, however, the other man continued downwards, teasing over Lavi's balls and the sensitive skin behind them. Lavi held his breath, hardly daring to hope, but he was rewarded when Kanda found the tight ring of muscle blocking his entrance and probed inward with those same two fingers.

Forcing himself to breathe, Lavi did his best to relax into the intrusion, but it felt _strange_. Strange, yet good in a very odd way. There was something easing the passage of Kanda's fingers, but it took Lavi a moment to figure out that Kanda was using his own come as lubrication. Groaning, Lavi rocked his hips to try to encourage the other man to go deeper.

It burned, but he'd felt worse pain many times in his life, and he was able to mostly ignore it. He did have to turn his head away and break the kiss so he could get more air, but that just made Kanda start trailing his mouth down over Lavi's throat. Lavi was so very not complaining.

"Fuck, Yuu, gods, it feels so... so weird, but don't stop, oh gods," Lavi babbled, only marginally aware of what he was even saying. "Want you, want you in me, want to feel you, _holy shit_!" He broke off with a startled exclamation as something Kanda had done made sharp spears of pleasure shoot through his body straight to his cock. He writhed helplessly, which made it happen again.

"What? Did I do something wrong?" To Lavi's dismay Kanda pulled back, looking worried. Unable to find his voice for a moment, all Lavi could do was hang onto the other man's shoulders and try to keep him in place, shaking his head.

"No, _fuck_ , no, that was _good_ , that was... shit, do it again, please?" he begged when he was finally able to speak.

Kanda looked startled, then smug. "Oh?" he said, and pushed his fingers in again. Lavi squirmed, trying to help or encourage him or do _something_ to make that incredible pleasure happen again.

He wasn't disappointed, and it was just as good the third time it happened. Lavi whimpered wantonly, his hips jerking every time Kanda touched whatever it was. He was all the way hard again, and the intensity of the sharp jolts of pleasure made him wonder if he could come from doing nothing but this. "Don't stop, gods, don't stop," he choked out on a breathless moan.

"Don't stop?" Kanda repeated, raising an eyebrow. "I thought you wanted _me_ in you, not just my fingers?"

"Oh, yeah." Lavi's cheeks heated, and he couldn't believe he'd been so thoroughly distracted by what Kanda was doing that he'd forgotten where this was actually going. "What can I say, lover," he purred, winding his arms around Kanda's neck and pulling the other man close. "You're just that damn good."

Kanda froze against him, his fingers going still as he tensed all at once. Dazed, Lavi cried out in dismay and rocked his hips up again, trying to get the other man to move. "What...?"

Drawing a shaky breath, Kanda visibly forced himself to relax, but didn't start moving his fingers again. He ducked his head so his hair hid most of his expression. "Nothing. You startled me. Forget it."

Blinking, Lavi forced his stressed brain to function long enough to review what he'd said. It didn't take him long to figure out what had set Kanda off. Silently he cursed himself for his carelessness. Other than in the context of 'that damned love spell', that was the first time either of them had actually used the word to refer to the other. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking," he apologized, hoping he hadn't ended up alienating the man again.

"Don't worry about it," Kanda said, shaking his head. He moved his fingers again, making Lavi gasp. Slowly he pushed a third finger in, and Lavi made a strangled noise and threw his head back on the pillow. It burned, but it wasn't pain; it was the sort of burn that made him exquisitely aware of every tiny movement of Kanda's hand.

Leaning over him, Kanda nipped at the shell of his ear to make Lavi moan. "I... liked it when you called me that," Kanda admitted, his voice almost too soft for Lavi to hear him. "Maybe a little too much. I had to stop, or I'd have taken you right that second."

"Yeah?" Dizzy from the emotional roller coaster he was riding, Lavi was nevertheless encouraged by Kanda's reluctant words. "Sounds good to me, lover," he said, using the word deliberately this time. To his delight Kanda shuddered against him and made a low sound in the back of his throat, a noise that couldn't be mistaken for anything but desire.

The sudden emptiness when Kanda withdrew made Lavi whimper softly and squirm. To his surprise the other man ran his fingers through the puddles of semen still on Lavi's stomach, coating his hand. When Kanda then reached down to stroke his own cock, Lavi finally understood why the other man had wanted him to come like that.

"Get up," Kanda ordered him, nudging at Lavi's hip with his clean hand. "On your knees."

"Oh gods, yes," Lavi moaned as he scrambled to obey. He couldn't believe this was really happening, that they'd finally given in to what they both wanted so badly. He could only pray that Kanda wouldn't change his mind again and regret it later.

Bracing himself on his forearms against the mattress, Lavi spread his knees to give Kanda better access. He felt the other man press against him, draped over his hips and lower back in a solid line of heated muscle. Kanda's cock felt a hell of a lot bigger than his fingers had, and Lavi had to muffle a pained noise against his wrist as the other man pushed in.

"Lavi!" Kanda's voice sounded strained to the breaking point, and he clutched at Lavi's hips with both hands to hold himself still. "I'm sorry, I'm hurting you, but... I can't... _fuck_ , you feel so good..."

"Do it," Lavi gasped out, rocking back to encourage Kanda to thrust deeper. "Do it, Yuu, fuck me, do it hard, I don't care. I just want you in me, please!"

He got his wish as Kanda drove the rest of the way inside him in one steady motion. It ached, but the worst of the pain had subsided and Lavi was able to ignore what was left. Without pausing Kanda pulled most of the way back out again, then thrust home harder and faster than the first time. That set the pattern as he started to move in a steady rhythm, soft moans escaping him.

Panting, Lavi clenched his fists in the sheets and pushed back to meet each thrust. When Kanda's cock brushed over the spot inside him that made him see stars, it caught him completely by surprise. Lavi shuddered and writhed with the sudden pleasure, just barely remembering to muffle his startled shout in the pillow. That won him a pleased sound from Kanda, who thrust a little harder just to make Lavi cry out again.

It didn't happen with every thrust, but it was often enough that Lavi was left dazed and incoherent. He was _very_ glad Kanda had thought to get them both off once before doing this, because he was certain he wouldn't have lasted five seconds otherwise.

As it was, when Kanda reached around to close his fingers on Lavi's cock and stroke in time with his thrusts, Lavi was left making completely undignified noises closer to mewls than moans. "F-fuck, Yuu," he stammered, hardly able to think enough to speak but needing some sort of outlet before he burst from the sheer pleasure of it. "Shit, feels so good, so... harder, fuck me harder, need you so bad..."

Kanda leaned further over him and bit at his shoulder, thrusting harder as Lavi had asked, and Lavi completely lost track of what he was saying. He moaned again, trying to simultaneously arch up into the bite and rock back into the thrusts and not having much luck.

Then, to his shock and dismay, Kanda suddenly pulled out completely, backing off until they weren't even touching. " _What_? Yuu, no, gods, don't _stop_!" Lavi begged him, twisting to try to see the other man. Had Kanda had that dreaded change of heart _now_ instead of later? Lavi wasn't sure he'd be able to stand the level of frustration that would evoke in him.

Kanda's expression was reassuring, his dark eyes burning with lust and need, and no sign of disgust or revulsion in his face. "I want to see you," he said, his hand tugging at Lavi's shoulder. "I want to see your face when you come, damn it."

Breathing a not-so-quiet sigh of relief, Lavi rolled over onto his back and spread his legs, reaching up to encourage Kanda to come back to him. "Anything," he replied, meaning it heart and soul. "Anything you want, lover, just don't stop!"

"I don't think I could stop now if our lives depended on it," Kanda admitted, gripping Lavi's hips tightly enough to leave bruises and lifting him for a better angle. He slammed home again, the change in angle making Lavi feel like Kanda was able to go even deeper inside him.

Kanda worried at one of Lavi's nipples, biting hard on the stiff peak and then sucking and licking on the skin around it. Lavi threaded the fingers of one hand through Kanda's long, silky hair, and bit down on the knuckle of his other hand. The walls between the rooms were thick stone, but it was still possible they'd be heard if they got _too_ loud.

Though at the moment, Lavi was having trouble remembering why he cared. Hell, he'd be hard pressed to remember his own _name_ if someone asked. The only thing he could concentrate on was the feel of Kanda on him and over him and in him. Especially in him.

Being able to meet Kanda's heated gaze was unbelievably arousing, Lavi discovered. It was an almost hypnotic effect when they locked eyes, as if they'd set up a feedback loop of their desire and sent it spiralling out of control. Lavi let go of Kanda's hair and raked his hand over the other man's back, making Kanda shudder and falter in his rhythm briefly.

Unfortunately the new position seemed to mean that Kanda didn't hit that spot inside him very often. It was still good; the pain was only a distant memory now, and even if Kanda hadn't been stroking him Lavi would still have been thoroughly enjoying himself. But he was a little disappointed to lose that incredible ecstasy.

It had been the downward angle of Kanda's thrusts that had let him hit the spot before, Lavi decided hazily. So how could they stay facing each other, but let Kanda thrust upwards?

"Yuu," he groaned, hardly able to string the words together coherently. "Yuu, lean back. On your knees, like when you were touching yourself."

Kanda grunted in confusion but obeyed, shifting to pull his feet under him and sit up. Lavi hung onto the other man's shoulders so that he ended up basically sitting in Kanda's lap. The new angle made them both cry out with wordless pleasure, as Kanda went deeper yet into Lavi's body.

For a moment they just stayed there unmoving, both trying to figure out how to continue from this position. Finally Lavi twisted until his knees were on either side of Kanda's legs, kneeling as well. That gave him enough leverage to be able to raise and lower himself to meet Kanda's rocking thrusts, and they started moving again.

Kanda wasn't able to thrust as fast or as hard as he had been, but at that point neither of them really cared. As shallow as the motion was, every thrust pushed the head of Kanda's cock over that incredible spot inside Lavi and drove him absolutely wild. He leaned back as far as he could and still support himself with his hands on Kanda's shoulders, and that felt even better.

"Shit, Yuu," Lavi breathed out, his voice trembling. "Oh gods, oh fuck, _Yuu_..."

"Yes," Kanda hissed, fisting Lavi's cock again as he rocked up repeatedly into Lavi's body. "Yes, Lavi, gods!"

He sounded almost broken, as if the words had been wrenched out of him. The desperate need in Kanda's eyes at that moment stabbed straight through to Lavi's heart, making him moan. He let go of the other man's shoulders and arched his back, bracing his hands on the mattress behind him. On the next thrust it felt like Kanda hit the sensitive spot straight on, and it was enough to push Lavi over the edge. With a strangled shout that he just barely kept from turning into a scream, he came hard all over Kanda's hand.

Half snarling, Kanda surged up and pushed him down into the mattress again, flat on his back. Lavi stuffed his fist into his mouth to keep his shouts of pleasure bottled up inside as Kanda pounded into him harder than ever. The continued stimulation made Lavi writhe against him, oversensitive now that he'd come but not at all willing to miss a single moment of this. Kanda's eyes were still locked on him, and the heat in his gaze was enough to scorch Lavi all the way to the bone.

Finally, just when Lavi was certain he couldn't stand another second and was going to have to beg Kanda to stop, the other man's rhythm faltered and he shuddered against Lavi, collapsing over him. For long moments they lay there together, Kanda pinning Lavi to the bed, the only sound in the room their harsh breathing.

When he'd recovered enough that he was fairly certain he could move without breaking into a million pieces, Lavi tentatively lifted his hand to run it through Kanda's hair. The other man moaned softly and shifted to one side, rolling off him but not pulling away. They ended up on their sides, tangled together much the same way they had been that morning when he'd woken up.

Still Kanda said nothing, his face now buried in Lavi's shoulder. Unable to see his expression, Lavi wasn't sure if the continued silence was a good or bad sign. On the one hand, Kanda wasn't kicking him out yet. On the other, he might just be working up to it.

Unable to bear the uncertainty any longer, Lavi broke first. "Yuu?" he whispered, his voice shaking. "What now?"

He felt Kanda sigh, and the other man's arm tightened over his waist. "Now... I don't know," Kanda admitted hoarsely.

"You gonna push me away again?" Lavi asked warily, not willing to trust yet that this might last longer than it had before.

"I... no," Kanda said, shaking his head. "No, not this time. At least until the Innocence is dealt with, I can't fight it any more. I just hope you're right and it'll get easier to be around each other if we're not fighting it constantly."

Well, that wasn't exactly what Lavi had hoped for, but it was a hell of a lot better than he'd expected. Determined to be satisfied with what Kanda was willing to give him, Lavi nodded. "Until it's fixed, then."

"And I hope they never figure out how," Kanda added unexpectedly, startling Lavi. He sounded almost vicious as he said it.

No, not vicious, Lavi decided. _Desperate_.

"You and me both, lover," he agreed softly, resting his cheek against Kanda's hair and closing his eye. "You and me both."


	6. Chapter 6

Lavi drifted off again, basking in the warmth and comfort of Kanda's embrace and the afterglow of the absolutely mind-blowing sex. He almost never slept late, Bookman was far too stern a taskmaster for him to have ever gotten into that habit, but for once he gave himself permission to enjoy himself for as long as it lasted.

Sadly the fragile peace was eventually shattered by the sound of someone knocking hard on the door, and Lavi groaned and roused himself. "Yeah, what is it?" he mumbled, still half asleep.

"Lavi?" Reever sounded startled, and too late Lavi remembered he wasn't in his own room.

"Shit," he hissed, and didn't even try to avoid the punch on the arm Kanda dealt him.

"Nice going, idiot," the Japanese man grumbled, glaring at him. Raising his voice, he called, "What do you want? We're busy!" The ice in his tone dropped the temperature in the room by at least ten degrees, and Lavi stopped worrying that Reever might open the door and come inside. Stronger men than Reever would be stopped in their tracks by Kanda at his iciest.

"Komui wants you both in his office," Reever told them, sounding serious. "Right away."

Kanda went stiff, and Lavi silently ran through just about every curse he knew. Considering the number of languages he spoke, it took quite a while. There was only one reason he could think of that Komui would want _both_ of them in his office, given that the man was fully aware of what was going on between Lavi and Kanda.

The Innocence had finally been reduced to its element form.

"We'll be right there!" Kanda said, and Lavi heard Reever walk away. Despite his words, however, Kanda made no attempt to get up, and Lavi certainly didn't want to be the first to leave.

For long moments they just stared at each other, and Lavi had no idea what to say. He _wanted_ to beg Kanda to promise that this wouldn't be the end of it, that even without the spell between them it wouldn't be over. That was ridiculous, and he knew it.

In fact, he shouldn't even be thinking it, if the Innocence had been dealt with. He frowned, confused, and saw his uncertainty mirrored in Kanda's eyes.

"Maybe they've figured it out, but aren't actually done yet," Kanda suggested gruffly. "Or maybe it just takes a while to wear off completely." He finally untangled himself from Lavi, though he was clearly reluctant. "There's no point in delaying it. Come on."

Slightly mollified by the fact that Kanda obviously didn't want to hear the news any more than he did, Lavi nodded. "You go ahead," he said, sitting up and reaching for his nightshirt where it had ended up on the floor. "I need to go back to my room and get changed anyway." He smiled wryly. "I'll try to make sure nobody sees me."

Kanda hesitated for a moment, but eventually nodded. "All right," he agreed, reaching for his clothes. Since Lavi couldn't go anywhere until he was sure the corridor was clear, he stayed right where he was and shamelessly enjoyed the view as Kanda dressed. He tried very hard not to think about the fact that it was probably the last time he'd ever get to see it.

Once he was presentable, Kanda headed for the door. He paused with his hand on the knob, looking back at Lavi uncertainly. For a second it looked like he was going to say something, and the pained vulnerability in his eyes made Lavi's chest ache. In the end he left without a word.

Somehow Lavi managed to get back to his own room without being spotted by anyone, which he counted as a minor miracle. He'd forgotten about the mess he'd left his bedding in, and he wrinkled his nose as the sour smell of bile hit him when he opened the door. Using one of the sheets to mop up the floor, he then bundled the whole thing into the chute for the laundry, mentally apologizing to whichever worker got stuck dealing with it.

Getting dressed didn't take him much longer than it had Kanda, and shortly he was knocking on Komui's office door. His stomach was clenched in knots, but his usual friendly smile was firmly plastered across his face. He'd had practice at hanging onto that smile through worse things than this. He wasn't about to let it slip now.

Komui called for him to come in, and he pushed the door open to find Kanda and Bookman both waiting inside along with Komui. To his surprise, though, Komui's expression was decidedly serious. Lavi would have expected the man to tease them, not look like some kind of disaster had happened.

Suddenly his heart leapt. Had something gone wrong? Maybe Komui had called them to tell them the Order _couldn't_ find a way to remove the spell!

"Good, everyone's here," Komui declared once Lavi had closed the door behind him. "We've gotten an urgent - and I do mean urgent - message from Finder Michaels in Greece. Apparently there was more going on in that area than just the Innocence you two brought back, because the Akuma there have continued multiplying. Michaels was admittedly rather panicked, but judging by his report it sounds like half the island of Kythira has been overrun. I've already booked space for all three of you on a train leaving at quarter to three."

"Huh?" That was so completely not what Lavi had been expecting to hear, on any level, that his stunned brain couldn't process it at first. "Why are you sending _us_?"

Bookman gave him a particularly withering look. "Obviously, since the two of you are already familiar with the area, we're the logical choice to be sent to deal with the problem," the old man pointed out dryly.

Staring at him, Lavi tried to make sense of that and still failed. "But..." Hadn't they all decided it would be best to keep Lavi and Kanda off of any double missions?

"You can't send us," Kanda said flatly, looking at Komui like he was crazy. "Not together. Especially not _there_!"

"You're all I've got," Komui spread his hands in a helpless gesture. "Everyone else is already out. There are too many Akuma, and probably at least one second level already. We need two front line fighters, so Bookman and Lavi can't go alone." He gave them a curious look. "Surely you're not still holding such a grudge that you can't work together."

"Holding a grudge?" Lavi repeated blankly. "Why would we be holding a grudge? But Yuu's right, you can't send us together. The mission'll be the _last_ thing that gets done."

Too late he realized the unintentional double entendre of his words as Kanda glared at him. Lavi just gave him a sheepish smile in return, shrugging. "What? It's true, however you interpret it," he said.

"Whatever," Kanda growled, his cheeks faintly flushed. He turned back to Komui. "I thought you'd already agreed with us on this. The two of us can't go on any missions together until this damned Innocence has been dealt with!"

There was a surprised silence for a long moment as Komui stared at them. "You mean... you don't know?" the older man exclaimed. "I thought... how odd."

"What're you on about?" Lavi asked, his stomach sinking. Whatever it was, he had a feeling it didn't bode well for things between him and Kanda.

"We successfully reduced the Innocence to its element form over a week ago," Komui told them.

"And nobody bothered to let us know?" Kanda demanded, a sharp edge in his voice.

"I didn't think we'd need to," Komui said, shrugging. "It should have been rather obvious."

Lavi was speechless, his mind racing over calculations and coming up with an answer that both elated him and sent him into despair. Over a week ago - that meant that both last night and the incident in the elevator had happened _after_ the Innocence had been dealt with. The implications behind that thought were staggering.

"Well, we did both agree it's been better lately," Lavi pointed out, fighting to keep his voice level. "Since a couple days before I got back, right? That would be just over a week ago. I guess it's just taking a while to wear off."

"Strange," Komui commented, frowning. "Everyone else who'd been affected by it reverted to their normal behaviour the moment the spell was removed. That's why I didn't bother to tell you."

Lavi and Kanda looked at each other, wide-eyed. "Maybe it's just that we're the only ones who actually, uh..." Lavi tried to find a tactful way of saying it. "Who had the chance to, er, consummate it, so it's got a stronger hold on us. We are, aren't we?" he asked, turning to Komui.

The older man nodded. "Yes, the others were all separated immediately," he agreed. "You two are the only ones who encountered it in uncontrolled conditions." Lavi was grateful that Komui seemed to be of the impression that the first time had been the _only_ incident between them.

"There's one way to be certain," Bookman declared, gesturing to them peremptorily. "Come to my workroom, both of you."

Lavi wasn't surprised to find that his mentor was frowning deeply, clearly not happy about what was going on. Biting his lip, Lavi prayed that this wasn't going to turn out to be as big a disaster as he thought it would.

Once in Bookman's workroom the old man indicated that Kanda should strip. "You first," he said. "Do you need to leave the room again?" he added dryly to Lavi.

Flushing, Lavi shook his head. "No, I'm fine," he demurred. The reminder of how bad things had been between them back then only made his stomach drop further.

The old man was silent as he studied Kanda's qi patterns. Knowing his master as well as he did, Lavi was not encouraged by the way Bookman's frown continued to deepen throughout the process.

"Well?" he demanded once Bookman had removed the last needle and indicated that Kanda could get dressed again. He didn't have the patience to wait until he'd been examined as well, and anyway checking one of them was probably as good as checking the other. They'd both been hit at the same time.

"His qi is as well balanced as it's ever been," Bookman said bluntly. "There's no sign of the disturbance from before. The spell is gone, and likely has been since the Innocence was dealt with."

"What? That can't be right," Kanda protested, white-faced. He froze in the middle of fastening his jacket, staring. "You've made a mistake!"

"I don't make mistakes." Bookman scowled at him. "Certainly not of that magnitude."

That was exactly what Lavi had been afraid of. And if the spell had been gone all that time, then what had happened that morning and in the elevator had been entirely of their own free will. Oh, they'd never have done it if they hadn't thought they were under the influence of the spell, but they couldn't actually blame it for what had occurred.

"Yuu..." he started, more than certain that the other Exorcist was not going to react well. Kanda had fought what was between them with everything in his being, until he'd simply been too exhausted to fight any further. It had created huge cracks in the armour Kanda wore to protect and hide himself from the world. Better than anyone, Lavi understood how important that armour was to the other man.

Having to admit defeat to an inexorable outside force had been bad enough for the proud swordsman. Acknowledging that the pressure had been entirely _internal_ would be infinitely worse.

He was right. Kanda had gone rigid, drawing in on himself completely. "Clearly we fell into a habit of behaviour that lasted longer than it should have," the Japanese Exorcist said stiffly. "Now that we know what's going on, we'll be fine. Won't we," he added to Lavi, his tone and eyes frosty. "I need to get ready. I'll meet you both at the train."

"Yuu, wait," Lavi said, catching him by the sleeve as he tried to push past to the door. "We..."

"Have nothing further to say to each other," Kanda growled at him, shaking him off. "And stop calling me that." There was pain under the ice in his expression, a searing agony that called to the matching ache in Lavi's heart, but it was buried so deeply that even Lavi could barely detect it.

Unable to find the right words to answer him, far too aware of their audience, Lavi stood there like an idiot as Kanda yanked the door open and stalked out of the room. His thoughts and emotions were jumbled together in a conflicted tempest, and he felt like he was watching the only chance he'd ever had at real happiness walk away from him. Before this he'd been content with the lonely lot of a Bookman, had considered it well worth the sacrifices he'd have to make. Now, knowing what he was missing, he wasn't so sure.

He couldn't let things go at that, he just couldn't. "Yuu!" he called and bolted for the door, intending to follow the other man and catch him in private where they could talk properly.

"Lavi!" Bookman's sharp voice stopped him in his tracks, the one word holding a wealth of rebuke.

"I know," Lavi replied, shoulders drooping. He didn't need to hear the actual lecture; it had been drilled into him repeatedly since he'd been a small child. Bookmen had to stay neutral, unbiased. Their records were worthless if they allowed themselves to be influenced by the people around them. Being friendly with his fellow Exorcists was one thing. Actually caring about them was another. Bookman had tolerated it this long only because it hadn't been under Lavi's control.

"Is this going to be a problem?" Bookman wanted to know. Lavi glanced back over his shoulder, and found the old man's eyes narrowed on him.

"Probably," he admitted. There was no point in lying. Bookman was a master at reading people, and he knew Lavi far too well. "I'm... not sure I care any more."

Bookman's eyes widened, but Lavi made his escape before the old man could say anything else. Ignoring the sound of his mentor calling his name, Lavi ran down the hall in the direction Kanda had gone, feeling like his heart was being torn in two different directions.

One problem at a time. First he had to find Kanda. He doubted the man would go back to his room, since he knew Lavi was looking for him. The headquarters of the Order was huge, with hundreds of rooms for a sulking Exorcist to hide in. It could take him hours to find Kanda, and he didn't have that kind of time.

And at that, finding him was likely to be the easiest part of the coming argument, Lavi realized with a grimace.

He checked Kanda's room anyway, just in case. Lavi wouldn't have put it past the man to go there just because he knew that Lavi was likely to assume he _wouldn't_. The bedding was still in disarray, and the smell trapped in the small room left absolutely no doubt what they'd been up to that morning. It served as a sharp reminder for Lavi of the happiness he'd briefly had, and made him all the more determined to catch up with Kanda.

Pausing outside Kanda's door, he made himself actually think about the problem instead of racing off in the first direction that came to mind. Where would Kanda go? Not to the main rooms, there were too many people there. To one of the practice rooms, maybe, but he had to know that would be the second place Lavi would think to look for him in.

Remembering what had happened when he'd come back from his last mission, Lavi's gaze drifted upwards. Kanda had gone out to the roof to avoid people that day. It was reasonable to think he might do it a second time. Short of hiding himself in a storage room for the next couple of hours, that was the place he was least likely to encounter any of the others.

Lavi took the stairs to the roof two at a time, his heart pounding in his chest so hard it was almost nauseating. If he screwed this up, if he couldn't convince Kanda to talk to him and be reasonable, he was going to lose the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Out on the roof it was cold, but not raining like it had been the other day. Lavi's heavy jacket was enough to cut the wind and keep him warm, but it was unlikely anyone else would be up here. He hoped Kanda _had_ come up to the roof, that way they could talk without being interrupted.

It took him a moment to find the other man. The roof wasn't flat, being littered with vents and chimneys and other objects. Kanda had gone as far from the door as he could get, wedging himself into a corner formed by a duct and the parapet.

This time Kanda was keeping one eye on the rest of the roof, so he saw Lavi coming. "What the hell do you want?" he snapped, his expression forbidding. "Go away."

"No." Lavi shook his head. Kanda wasn't going to be able to drive him away that easily. He was at least as stubborn as the Japanese Exorcist. He had to convince Kanda that they couldn't just pretend nothing had ever happened between them. "Y'know, Yuu, there's a saying. If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, chances are good that it's a duck."

Kanda stared at him like he'd lost his mind. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Lavi gave him a crooked grin in reply. "I'm saying that the two of us are acting like we're under a powerful love spell - and for the past week or more, we _haven't been_."

"Habit," Kanda insisted, panic creeping into his eyes under the ice. "We'd gotten used to thinking that way, to reacting to each other like that."

" _Habit_?" Lavi repeated incredulously. "Yuu, habit would explain why we automatically avoided each other. We might even have gotten conditioned into feeling attracted to each other. But habit and conditioning could not have been responsible for what happened in the elevator. Let alone this morn..."

"It doesn't matter!" Kanda interrupted him harshly, sweeping one hand out in a sharp chopping motion as if to cut Lavi's argument off at the knees. "None of it matters."

"Of course it matters!" Lavi protested. "We were acting of our own free will, Yuu! We were both just using the spell as an excuse so we could give in. It wasn't controlling us!"

"All right, maybe we were using it as an excuse to... to indulge ourselves," Kanda said, scowling. "But that doesn't mean we should keep doing it. I never should have let my discipline slip this far in the first place. Now that I know I'm doing it, I'm damned well going to put a stop to it."

"Saying we were 'indulging' ourselves still implies that we wanted it in the first place," Lavi pointed out relentlessly. "You can't still be denying that we're attracted to each other. It doesn't matter if it was caused by the spell at first, or if the spell only made us realize what was already there. The fact is, it's not gonna go away just because you want it to."

"I'm not an animal, to be ruled by my base instincts," Kanda snapped. "Just because I enjoyed fucking you doesn't mean I'm going to keep doing it."

Lavi wasn't sure whether to count that as a victory because Kanda had admitted that he'd enjoyed it, or feel hurt by the implication that there had been nothing more than lust behind what they'd done. He _knew_ that wasn't true, damn it.

"What about last night?" he asked quietly. "It wasn't animal lust that made you hold me because I was upset. It wasn't base desire that made you stay up all night watching me sleep. You said this morning that you were too tired to fight it any more - but the only thing you were fighting was yourself."

"I said I'd given in until the Innocence was dealt with," Kanda reminded him, ignoring the rest of Lavi's words. "It's been dealt with. It's over."

"You also said you hoped they'd never find a way to deal with it at all," Lavi reminded him in turn. That was the part he was really clinging to, what made him so certain that this wasn't entirely one-sided.

"I... I wasn't in my right mind," Kanda retorted, shaking his head. "For any of it. Now I am, and that's the end of it." He stalked forward, clearly intending to push right past Lavi if necessary, but Lavi grabbed his arm again and stopped him.

Determined not to let this go, Lavi refused to allow Kanda to shake him loose this time. "It's not the end of it," he insisted. "It's not, because I won't let it be. You can't get rid of me this easily. I love you, damn it. Ai shite'ru," he repeated in Japanese, hoping that hearing it in his native tongue would have a greater impact on Kanda.

The Japanese Exorcist went rigid, and Lavi could feel the trembling in Kanda's arm. "No you don't," Kanda said. "You're just clinging to an illusion that's already gone. In a week when you've come to your senses, you'll be grateful at least one of us kept his head. Now let go of me."

Lavi was running out of arguments, and despair was creeping up on him. He couldn't lose this fight, he just couldn't. He'd acknowledged a long time ago that what he was feeling was too intense to be anything but love, and if it _wasn't_ the spell causing it, then it had to be real. Something that powerful couldn't be caused by a lingering habit.

Lavi had never had his heart broken before. He'd never gotten close enough to anyone to allow them hurt him that much. He was very much afraid he was about to get his first concrete experience with it.

And the worst of it was that he _knew_ Kanda felt the same way. The man was just too damned stubborn for his own good.

"Yuu..." he started, frantically groping for something to say that would convince Kanda to at least give it a fair chance.

"Don't call me that!" Kanda snarled, his voice breaking. He jerked his arm free of Lavi's grasp and shoved past him, turning to glare back at him once he was in the open. "You said you didn't want me to hate you, even before the spell got us," he reminded Lavi. "You're not getting off on a very good foot. Just stay the hell away from me and forget this ever happened."

The thought of Kanda hating him stung unbelievably, but it was the desperation and pain in the other man's voice that kept Lavi from replying. What could he possibly say in the face of that? If Kanda could cling to his insistence that things were over between them even though he was hurting that much, then nothing Lavi could say would sway him. No external persuasion would have an effect if Kanda's own emotional agony didn't.

Trembling, he stood on the roof and watched as Kanda stormed away. Lavi felt like he was in shock; he was chilled from more than just the wind, and his mind was spinning in helpless circles. He couldn't seem to make one thought connect to another long enough to actually follow it to a conclusion.

Slowly he gathered himself back together, bullying his aching heart into subsiding long enough to let him think. He was _not_ going to give up this easily, damn it. Not when he knew that the only thing between them was Kanda's stubborn denial. Lavi would just have to out-stubborn him.

Even knowing he was going to catch hell from Bookman wasn't enough to deter him. Lavi grinned into the wind, the expression more than a little wild. Kanda was about to learn just how determined Lavi could be, when he put his mind to something.


	7. Chapter 7

Grit and dust from the gravel road was picked up by the near gale-force wind that roared through the gorge, tossing it into Kanda's face. He did his best to shield his eyes with one hand, wincing as an occasional larger piece of gravel slammed into him and left a bruise behind.

The second level Akuma that had taken over Mylopotamos was beautiful in a way. It danced through the air over the windmills as if the wind was as solid as rock to it. It looked like an oversized version of a fairy from a children's tale, all delicate butterfly wings and flowing hair. The wind moved at its direction, whipping back and forth around the Exorcists and sometimes forming deadly tornados.

There seemed to be only the one second level on the island, thank all the gods, but it was more than powerful enough to take on the two Exorcists. The dozens of first level Akuma that kept popping up seemingly out of nowhere were complicating things further.

"Where the hell are they all coming from?" Kanda growled, releasing Mugen's first illusion for at least the fifth time since the fight had started. The swarm of insects slashed through a cluster of first levels, ripping them to shreds and exploding them harmlessly in the sky.

Flames whipping around him, Lavi was using his Innocence's advanced powers to battle one-on-one with the second level Akuma while Kanda kept the first levels off his back. The torrent of fire in the shape of a snake tore through the deadly tornados, scattering and dispelling them before they could reach the Exorcists. But every time Lavi tried to turn the flames against the Akuma itself, the damned thing just laughed and danced away again, creating more twisters.

"We should've expected this!" Lavi called back to him over the shriek of the wind and roar of the fire. "Think about it! Everyone over sixteen in the whole village... probably the whole damned island... was bound to someone by that Innocence. All it took... was one person being tempted by the Earl... into calling back their 'true love'. Then that Akuma killed someone... and _their_ 'true love' called them back... and on and on in an endless chain. This place was just begging to become an Akuma breeding ground!"

Even through the haze hanging in the air caused by the dirt kicked up by the wind, Kanda could see that Lavi was tiring. The redhead was sweating hard, and his words had been punctuated by frequent pauses to allow him to gasp for breath. Keeping his fire seal active for so long was draining him fast.

Truth to tell, Kanda wasn't faring much better. Repeatedly summoning the Hell's Insects like this was wearing on him, but if he let even one of the first level Akuma slip through his guard and get at Lavi, they were both dead. There were just too many of them scattered over too great an area for him to take them on directly with Mugen's blade. His current personal issues with the man aside, Kanda had no desire for either of them to end up being killed on this mission.

Kanda cursed as the wind shifted direction suddenly and whipped his long ponytail across his face, blinding him momentarily. Brushing it irritably out of his face, he swore again as he saw that a group of three Akuma had taken the opportunity to get past him and head for Lavi.

He summoned the insects again, tearing through the Akuma and clearing the area around Lavi. Then he turned and cut his way through two more Akuma that had tried to come up behind _him_ while he was busy. Kanda was panting, the air burning in his lungs as he pushed his body to its limits. He wasn't sure how much longer he could keep this up, but he was grimly determined not to fall.

"We can't keep going like this forever!" Lavi said, sending his flame snake after another couple of twisters. "We need to find somewhere the damn thing won't have such an advantage with the wind!"

"Where?" Kanda snarled. "This town was built here _because_ the wind is so strong in the gorge! If we go up to the town it'll use the tornados to pull the buildings down on top of us, and if we go to the beach the first levels will be able to swarm us!"

"Well, we can't stay here!" Lavi shouted back. "I think it's starting to figure out how to combat my Innocence!" The three newest tornados hadn't been scattered or dissipated when struck by the superheated air of the flame snake; instead they'd converged on the snake from three directions at once, and the flames were being steadily devoured or blown apart by the strong winds. Lavi made the snake twist and writhe to try to escape, but the Akuma was already creating new tornados to throw at them.

Thinking furiously, Kanda ran through everything he knew about the local geography. There had to be somewhere they could go where it wouldn't be able to use the wind against them so easily. Somewhere enclosed and small...

"The cave!" he remembered. Loath as he was to return to the place where this whole mess had started, he was even less eager to die. "The cave behind the waterfall, where the Innocence was!"

"Perfect! Kanda, you're a genius!" Lavi crowed.

The sound of Lavi using his family name _still_ made Kanda wince, even though he was the one who'd insisted the redhead stop calling him 'Yuu'. He hadn't honestly expected the man to obey him, but Kanda could hardly retract the order now. That would have meant admitting how much it hurt, and under no circumstances could Kanda afford that kind of vulnerability.

He also couldn't afford to take even a moment to brood over it, as he was abruptly reminded when the nearest Akuma fired at him. Kanda dove to one side, just barely managing to dodge the hail of bullets. He hit the ground and rolled, coming up out of it in a leap that sent him soaring into the air to cut right through the Akuma.

Lavi had dismissed the fire snake, leaving the five tornados that had been eating at it with nothing to destroy but each other. The Akuma screeched with outrage at the sudden change in tactics, and Lavi took the opportunity to activate another of his second level seals. "Tenchi Bankai: Moku Ban!" he shouted, slamming his hammer into the 'wood' symbol in the ring that floated around him.

Kanda hadn't seen that particular seal used before. There was no obvious effect, but the sound of the wind shrieking through the gorge changed subtly. It slowly stopped whipping around them and started pushing outwards instead, as if they were at the centre of a massive high-pressure zone that had formed out of nothing.

"You think you can used _wind_ against _me_?" the Akuma giggled, clearly amused. It had the voice of a young girl, suiting its seemingly delicate appearance. "Don't be a fool!"

The sound of the wind changed again, and now it was alternately blasting into and away from the two Exorcists. "Clear us a path, and hurry!" Lavi ordered Kanda between gritted teeth. "I can't keep this up long, its control of air is more powerful than my seal's ability to affect nature!"

Summoning the Hell's Insects again, Kanda sent them down the trail ahead of him towards the waterfall, creating a path. Two tornados formed in front of him, then tore themselves to shreds as Lavi exerted his will on them. "Go!" Kanda shouted to Lavi. Following his own advice, he took off running. He could hear Lavi right behind him as the Akuma screeched again.

The first level Akuma were gathering into more clusters, swarming towards the two fleeing Exorcists. Lavi released the wood seal without warning, and Kanda nearly stumbled as the wind was suddenly whirling around them again. He kept his feet somehow, and summoned the insects once more. Lavi had reactivated the fire seal, sending the flame snake surging after the Akuma closing in on their right. Kanda did the same with his insects on the left, and between the two of them they managed to keep the path before them open.

Unfortunately the concentrated double assault on their front left their backs wide open, and the second level was giggling again. That couldn't be a good sign. Kanda risked a quick glance back over his shoulder. When he saw five new twisters chasing after them, he wished he hadn't looked. There was nothing they could do but try to reach the cave before the tornados pulled them in; they simply didn't have the energy to spare to fight on all sides.

The roar of the falls was audible now even over the shriek of the wind and the crackle of Lavi's flames. They rounded a sharp turn in the path and Kanda saw the waterfall just ahead. The wind whipping around them was now full of water spray as well as gravel and dust, making it hard to see.

"We don't have time to pick our way over the rocks!" Lavi shouted. "Shield your eyes!"

Without bothering to ask why, Kanda obeyed. He threw his left arm up, using the sleeve of his jacket to protect his face from whatever was coming. Beside him he saw Lavi doing the same as the fiery snake went flying past them.

With an ugly roar like an out-of-control wildfire, the snake of flames shot straight for the waterfall. The explosion of steam as fire met water took out several of the nearest Akuma, giving them a bit of breathing room. The snake was destroyed, but the water of the falls was also evaporated, leaving the entrance to the cave exposed for one crucial moment.

"Now!" Lavi yelled, and grabbed Kanda by the arm. "Oodzuchi Kodzuchi! Extend!" he ordered his Innocence, bracing the hammerhead against the ground and hanging on tight to the shaft.

Despite himself Kanda let out an undignified sound of surprise when they both went suddenly soaring through the air, the rapidly extending shaft of the hammer dragging them along with it. He'd seen Lavi cover long distances quickly in this manner before, but this was the first time he'd ever been involved in the process.

They were thrust into the entrance of the cave just as the water came crashing down from above again, soaking them from behind. The cold spray helped mitigate the heat still lingering from the steam. "Take cover!" Kanda snapped, pushing Lavi to one side and following his own advice, diving towards one corner.

Not a moment too soon. A rain of bullets came pouring through the cave entrance as the level one Akuma fired right through the waterfall. Pressed against the wall on either side of the narrower entrance tunnel, Lavi and Kanda were safely out of range. The shots expended themselves harmlessly on the far wall, gouging huge holes out of the solid rock.

It was too loud for Kanda to even hear himself think, let alone try to communicate with Lavi. He kept Mugen up and held between him and the far wall, shielding himself as best he could from any shots that might ricochet back towards them. He might be immune to the Akuma virus and capable of healing faster than a normal person, but he didn't fancy the idea of taking a shot to a vital area.

However, Lavi _wasn't_ immune, he remembered. Even the slightest scrape from a rebounding bullet would infect the other Exorcist with the Akuma virus, and he would be dead in minutes. Suddenly anxious, Kanda peered towards the other side of the cave, squinting to try to see through the bright light created by the bullets.

It took him a moment to make out what he was seeing, but he sighed in relief when he realized Lavi had grown his hammer large enough to provide a shield for himself, wedging himself into the corner with the hammerhead in front of him. Nothing would hit the redhead through that.

The hail of bullets ceased as abruptly as it had begun, and Kanda's ears rang in the ensuing silence. He tensed himself, ready to move in any direction, but nothing happened.

"Y'think they'll follow us in here?" Lavi asked cautiously, shrinking his hammer again so he could get a better look at the entrance.

"The first levels are all too big to fit through the tunnel," Kanda pointed out, shaking his head to try to clear it. "And the moment the second level tries to get in, we'll destroy it."

"The force of the waterfall will stop it from sending tornados after us," Lavi realized with a wide grin of appreciation. "And this space is so small it won't be able to create much of a wind inside. You really _are_ a genius."

Kanda grunted, the only response he dared to make. Seeing Lavi smile at him like that caused things to twist inside his chest in a way that made it hard to breathe. Ruthlessly he shoved the emotions aside, determined to ignore them. This was neither the time nor the place for such things, damn it.

Not that there was any appropriate time or place for thoughts of Lavi. Angry with himself for his continued and repeated lapses of discipline, Kanda wrenched his gaze away from Lavi's smile and focused on the entrance again. When this was over he was going to make it plain to Komui, in no uncertain terms, that he never wanted to be assigned to work with Lavi again.

Still nothing happened. Lavi frowned and fidgeted with his hammer. "Maybe it's hoping we'll get bored and assume it left?" he suggested, only half facetious.

"Where else would it go?" Kanda shrugged. "I don't think there's anything human left in this area. And it'll be drawn to our Innocence."

"I wasn't saying I thought it _had_ left," Lavi snorted. "I'm not that dumb, thank you." He raised his voice. "Hey! Could you just do whatever you're gonna do and get it over with, already? Hanging around doesn't do you any more good than it does us!"

There was another high-pitched giggle from outside, the sound setting Kanda's nerves on edge. "Why don't you come out and play, instead?" it asked them sweetly. "You were much more fun before you went in there."

"Thanks, but we're comfy in here," Lavi drawled back. "Why don't you join us? It's nice and cozy."

"Have it your way," the Akuma giggled again. Something about the singsong tone of its voice made Kanda nervous - it sounded smug, not disappointed or dismayed.

The roar of the waterfall changed pitch suddenly, and Kanda felt himself being physically dragged towards the entrance of the cave. "What the hell?" he exclaimed, grabbing for the nearest rock outcropping and hanging on to keep himself in place.

"I don't know!" Lavi said, scrambling for a similar hold but not finding one. He swung his hammer around and jammed it against the far side of the entrance wall instead, using it as a brace. He was panting, more than was called for by the effort it took to hold himself in place.

Seeing that, Kanda frowned as he realized he was breathing hard as well, his heart pounding in his chest in an effort to keep his system supplied with oxygen. "Is it getting hard to breathe?" he gasped, struggling to control his body.

Dawning horror spread over Lavi's expressive face. "It's formed a horizontal tornado and centred it on the cave entrance!" he choked out. "The twister is drawing the air from the cave up inside it, creating a vacuum. If we don't get sucked out, we'll suffocate!"

"Fuck!" Kanda swore, his mind racing over options. They couldn't stay in here, there were already black spots dancing in his vision caused by lack of oxygen. But if they went outside, they'd be overwhelmed and destroyed in moments.

Seeing Lavi dig his feet in and plant the hammer a little more firmly, an idea came to him. "Can you keep that thing braced against my weight as well?" he asked, his voice hardly more than a breathless whisper. He wasn't even certain the redhead would be able to hear him over the roar of the tornado, but Lavi nodded.

Letting go of his outcropping, Kanda allowed himself to be dragged towards the entrance. Lavi lifted the hammer shaft so that it was right at Kanda's chest level, and the Japanese Exorcist managed to wrap his left arm around it as he hit it.

In the middle of the entrance, the pull of the tornado was much stronger. From here Kanda could see the deadly column of wind stretching away from him, the deceptively calm-looking centre like a gaping maw waiting to swallow him. Water from the falls spun along the sides of the tornado, turning it into a waterspout. If Kanda lost his grip, the force of the twister would tear him apart in moments. At the far end of the spout, the second level danced in the air like a triumphant child.

Hanging on to the hammer shaft with all his strength, Kanda aimed Mugen at the centre of the twister. The force of the wind tried to rip it out of his hand, but he gritted his teeth and clenched his fingers so tight it felt like the hilt would leave permanent indents in his skin. He didn't even have enough air to whisper the words of the activation spell, but his lips formed the shapes as his mind spoke the incantation.

Slowly, because he was already exhausted and only half conscious, the blade disintegrated into a dozen parts. The Hell's Insects were promptly sucked straight into the spout, their wings unable to beat fast enough to combat the deadly suction.

That was exactly what Kanda had counted on. The insects didn't need to breathe and couldn't be torn apart, so they were able to use the pull of the vacuum to send them flying through the air with all the force of a bolt from a crossbow. At the end of the twister they slammed into the second level Akuma, moving so fast it never had a chance to dodge.

It screamed once as the insects ripped it apart, flailing wildly. The twister spun out of control, sweeping across the face of the cliff and tearing large chunks of rock away. When the Akuma exploded, more rock came tumbling down along with the water to land in the pool below.

The suction of the tornado vanished the moment it moved away. Lavi, who had been leaning back and using his full weight to brace his hammer against the pull of the twister, was thrown suddenly off balance. He fell backwards, the hammerhead jerking upwards and crashing into the roof of the entrance. The shaft impacted Kanda squarely on the underside of his jaw, hard enough to send him flying and knock him silly.

Dazed, gasping for air and trying to ignore the agony in his jaw, Kanda lay there for a moment trying to orient himself. He was certain he'd destroyed the second level, but the fight didn't seem to be over yet; he could hear an ominous rumble, and the ground was shaking beneath him. Were the first levels up to something, or was there another second level out there?

"Look out!" Lavi cried, panicked. "Yuu! Cover your head!"

Unable to see what the other Exorcist was doing from this angle, Kanda decided not to argue or question the order. He flung one arm up to shield his face, gripping Mugen's hilt tightly in the other fist.

He was just in time, as the first rock struck his arm hard and would probably have broken his nose if he hadn't shielded himself. More rocks fell all around him, striking his body hard enough to leave bruises or possibly even break bones. Horrified, Kanda realized what was happening; stressed by the force of the tornado and the impact of Lavi's hammer, the cave was collapsing on top of them.

A rock the size of his fist hit his ribs, and he grunted in pain as he felt at least one bone break. A much larger boulder landed on his leg and pinned it, then two seconds later another struck his sword arm and nearly crushed his hand.

"Oodzuchi Kodzuchi! Grow!" he heard Lavi shout. The hail of small rocks that had been striking Kanda's raised arm and upper torso stopped abruptly, though the rest of him was still being steadily buried.

Looking up, Kanda could just make out the looming bulk of Lavi's Innocence above him. The redhead had expanded the hammerhead and braced it against the ceiling to keep the rocks from falling in the centre of the cave, and that was the only thing that saved their lives.

When the echoing rumble finally faded away and the last of the rocks had settled, Kanda cautiously tried to stir. To his dismay, he found himself completely pinned and unable to move, except for his head, left arm and shoulder. The air was full of choking dust, and he struggled to keep from coughing for fear of puncturing a lung with one of his broken ribs.

He'd expected to hear a string of creative cursing from the other side of the cave, but there was nothing. "Lavi?" he called, twisting to try to see. His ribs screamed at him, making it even harder to breathe - or maybe that was a result of the way his chest had clenched with fear. The idiot hadn't used his hammer to save Kanda and let himself be buried, had he? With the totally irrational way Lavi had been acting since they'd been hit by the damned love spell, Kanda wouldn't have put it past him.

"Lavi!" he shouted, straining harder against the rocks that held him captive. Finally he spotted the other man face down a few feet away, near the shaft of the hammer. Lavi was mostly buried as well, though because he was closer to the centre of the clear area he had both arms free. One of his hands was wrapped around his Innocence, as if he was holding it in place.

The fallen rocks blocked most of the dim light from the entrance, making it hard to see, but it looked like redhead wasn't moving. As far as Kanda could tell, he wasn't even breathing. "Lavi!" Kanda called again, fighting against panic. "Lavi! Damn it, wake up! Answer me! Lavi!"

Lavi couldn't be dead, he just... he _couldn't_ be. Not that it mattered to him _personally_ , Kanda reminded himself viciously. Lavi was nothing to him, just another Exorcist. Just an annoyance, really. But... but the Order couldn't afford to lose even one Exorcist and, and, and Lenalee and Allen would be distraught to the point where their work would suffer and, and...

Realizing his thoughts were growing hysterical, Kanda wrenched his mind away from the idea of Lavi being dead. Stretching to his limit, he just barely managed to grab the other man's outflung arm and shake it. "Lavi!"

"Nng." Lavi made an incoherent noise of protest, and Kanda couldn't remember ever being more grateful for anything in his life. He couldn't even bring himself to be angry at his own emotional lapse, not when Lavi was stirring and making pained sounds that very definitely meant he was still alive.

"Wake up, damn it," Kanda insisted, trying to cover his relief with gruffness. The last thing he needed was Lavi realizing that he'd been worried. The redhead would hound him ceaselessly, trying to insist that it meant Kanda felt something for him.

"Yuu?" Lavi's voice was thick and he sounded dazed, but he opened his eye and blinked back at Kanda. "Yer u'side down," he observed in surprise.

"I was on my back when the rocks fell," Kanda snapped at him impatiently. That was the second time Lavi had called him 'Yuu' again, and it was hard to deny how grateful he was. So he used anger to cover it, as he did all emotions he didn't want to reveal. "I can't turn. You've got both arms free, can you dig yourself loose? Or do something with your Innocence?"

"I c'n try, but'f I move th'hammer, th'whole thing'll come down onnus," Lavi pointed out hoarsely. "Whadda 'bout Mugen?"

"I think I lost my grip on it when that arm was trapped," Kanda admitted, frowning. Lavi was careless with his language at the best of times, but he wasn't usually this difficult to understand. "Are you concussed?"

"Huh? Dunno, mebbe," Lavi blinked again, and cautiously ran one hand over the back of his head. He winced visibly. "Ow! Yeah, think so," he agreed ruefully. "Don' worry 'bout me, 'll b'okay. Le's get outta here."

That was a sentiment Kanda could wholeheartedly agree with. Releasing Lavi, he turned to pry at the rocks on his other arm. If he could get that free, he'd be able to dig himself out twice as fast.

Unfortunately, it wasn't quite that simple. Half the time when he managed to haul a rock loose and toss it aside, another would fall from the pile above to take its place. Slurred cursing from the other side of the cave told him Lavi wasn't having any better luck. There was a sudden sharp intake of breath, and the swearing cut off abruptly. Kanda twisted to see what was going on, but all he could make out was Lavi lying awkwardly half turned on his side trying to get at the rocks.

"Lavi?" he called, fighting to keep the concern out of his voice. "Damn it, don't pass out on me. If you go to sleep, I'm not waking you up again, and you can just deal with the damned concussion yourself."

"Nah, 'm fine," Lavi replied, but he sounded subdued. "Don' think I c'n get loose, though." He shifted so he was flat on his front again, his breathing pained.

"Fine, I'll do it myself," Kanda growled, and heaved at a particularly stubborn rock. It came loose, but instead of just one stone falling to take its place there was a whole shower of pebbles and rocks sliding down the pile. Kanda just barely managed to shield his face in time to protect him again, and picked up several more nasty bruises on his forearm. "Damn it!"

"Mebbe we should jus' sit tight," Lavi suggested wearily. "Bookman'll come lookin' fer us. Leas' there's air."

"And no water," Kanda agreed sourly. He'd been half afraid that enough of the upper cliff would have fallen to change the angle of the waterfall, allowing it to come into the tiny cave. They'd have drowned in short order if that had happened, but there was only air coming through the gaps in the entranceway.

Unwilling to concede defeat that easily, he pulled at one of the new rocks. He hadn't even managed to pry it loose before another small shower of pebbles came tumbling down, and he hastily let go. He didn't want to be buried completely, and the hammer over his head wouldn't protect him from rocks that slid down the pile.

Giving up, he lay back against the uneven ground and did his best to relax. It was much easier to breathe now that he wasn't straining his broken ribs. He concentrated on clenching and relaxing each muscle in turn, starting with each of his feet. He could feel everything, at least; there were plenty of things that felt like they might be broken or otherwise injured, but he hadn't damaged his spine or had a limb crushed beyond feeling. He wasn't sure even he could heal that.

"Y'know, when I said I wan'ed t'pin ya down an' talk t'ya, this inn't quite what I haddin mind," Lavi said dryly after a minute.

"Don't start," Kanda warned him. The last thing he needed was another earnest attempt by Lavi to convince him that the mess created between them by that fucking Innocence _meant_ something. Especially when the other man was concussed to the point that he was barely understandable.

Kanda had managed to avoid being cornered on the three day trip to the island, though he suspected it had more to do with the way Bookman had been watching his heir than any cleverness on Kanda's part. Lavi had tried several times to say something anyway, but he'd always been interrupted before he got more than a few words in.

 _Why_ the man persisted in making such a big deal of the whole thing, Kanda couldn't understand. It had been nothing more than hormones and a misunderstanding of colossal proportions, damn it. Lavi's continued insistence that something real had somehow formed beneath all the lies was ludicrous. Kanda just wished the idiot would hurry up and realize it, so he'd stop hounding Kanda about it.

"All righ', I won'," Lavi agreed, and Kanda could hear the wry smile in his voice. "Not now. Don' think 've given up, though. Gonna talk 'bout it 'ventually, whether y'like it'r not. 'M as stubborn's you are. Stubborner."

"There's nothing to talk about," Kanda snapped, feeling a bit like a broken record. "Just give it up, already."

"Not gonna happen," Lavi repeated, though thankfully he didn't persist further.

They lay there in silence for an unmeasured amount of time that felt like hours. It took an effort of will for Kanda to keep himself still rather than continuing to pick at the rocks trapping him. Risk of a further cave-in or not, there was little he hated more than being helpless. If any of the first level Akuma that were still out there got the notion to try blasting the cave again, there would be nothing Kanda could do to protect them. To protect _himself_ , he corrected himself sternly. Lavi could damn well manage on his own, for all Kanda cared.

Despite the haze of pain and his intense frustration, Kanda found himself dozing uneasily. His body worked rapidly to repair itself, and that required energy he didn't have to spare at the moment. The sound of not-so-distant explosions jolted him awake, and he set off another minor shower of rocks when he reflexively tried to jerk upright.

Forcibly reminded of the situation he was stuck in, Kanda growled and tried to think of something he could do to fight back if the Akuma had decided to come after them. There were more explosions, rapidly approaching, but nothing actually near the entrance to the cave. Frowning, Kanda wondered what on earth was going on out there.

The faint sound of their names being called clued him in. Bookman had grown tired of waiting for them to return, apparently, and the older Exorcist had finally come looking for them.

Of course, the entrance to the cave had been difficult to find even before it had been mostly filled in by rock. Kanda raised his voice and shouted back, hoping to attract the man's attention. "Bookman! _Bookman_! We're in here, the cave behind the waterfall!"

There was no response, and Kanda cursed. "Lavi, you call him," he growled. "You're louder than I am." Silence reigned in the cave, and Kanda felt a chill creep over his spine. "Lavi? Lavi!"

Still nothing. Remembering the other man's concussion, Kanda's eyes went wide. Gods, how could he have been such an idiot? He'd been so focused on not allowing Lavi to drag him into a conversation about their non-existent 'relationship' that he'd forgotten the need to force the redhead to remain conscious. He should have been insisting that Lavi keep talking so he wouldn't fall asleep. If the redhead had passed out with a concussion that bad, he was in danger of falling into a coma.

Fear gave Kanda's voice volume he hadn't thought he possessed. "BOOKMAN!" he yelled, loud enough to set off another shower of pebbles and dirt. "Bookman! In here!"

This time he got an answer. "Kanda?" the old man called back. "Where are you?"

"Behind the waterfall!" Kanda replied, straining to be heard over the roar of the falls. "There's a cave, but the entrance is blocked! We're pinned under the rocks!"

"I see it." Bookman sounded much closer now, and Kanda heard a grating noise like rocks being shifted. "Lavi's there with you?"

"He's unconscious, I think," Kanda replied, struggling not to show how much that worried him. "He has a concussion. He was awake and talking earlier, but he hasn't said anything in a while and he's not responding."

"Try to wake him," Bookman ordered. "I'll get you out, but it will take some time. You have air?"

"Yes, I think there's still space at the top of the entrance," Kanda agreed. "Start there and try to widen it rather than pulling rocks from the bottom, or you'll start another slide. Be careful; Lavi's hammer is holding up part of the ceiling in here, and if it shifts we'll both be crushed."

Bookman grunted in return and Kanda could hear the sound of him scrambling up the rock pile. Satisfied that the old man would get them out, Kanda returned his attention to trying to wake the unconscious redhead. "Lavi. Lavi! Damn it, you picked a hell of a time to finally shut up on me. Wake up!"

His ribs didn't scream at him as much when he twisted around to see Lavi this time, he was pleased to note. He was able to reach towards the other man without nearly as much pain. "Lavi! La..."

Kanda's hand encountered a puddle of something liquid, and his first thought was that the water had started seeping into the cave after all. But the liquid felt warm and sticky rather than wet and cool, and when he drew his hand back and peered at it in the dim light, he could see his fingers were coated with something dark. Even without the sharp coppery scent of it, Kanda couldn't have mistaken it for anything but blood.

Suddenly it felt like his heart had jumped into his throat and was trying to choke him. "Lavi?" he gasped, twisting further and reaching out again, trying to find the edges of the puddle. It was shallow but broad, staining the uneven floor of the cave like spilled ink. Moreover it was still fresh enough to be faintly warm at the edges, and that meant the puddle had to be spreading rather than stagnant.

It definitely had not been there when Kanda had shaken Lavi earlier. Was this why Lavi had stopped trying to free himself? Kanda had read that people trapped in cave-ins were sometimes unaware of serious injuries that were masked by the weight of the rock. If Lavi had shifted something and taken pressure off a wound, it would have started to bleed.

Why hadn't the idiot _said_ anything? Frantic, Kanda stretched further and grabbed Lavi by the arm again. The redhead's skin was frighteningly cold and clammy, which wasn't surprising considering how much blood he seemed to have lost. Kanda shook him hard, calling his name, but the other man didn't so much as twitch. If he was still breathing, Kanda couldn't hear it.

Shifting his grip, Kanda searched for the pulse in Lavi's wrist. He found it, but it was thready and weak, fluttering wildly like a trapped butterfly.

"Bookman!" Kanda screamed, fear making him shrill. "Bookman, hurry! He's bleeding, and I can't reach the wound to stop it! _Hurry_ , he's dying!"

Later he would berate himself over his loss of control, he promised himself. Later he could be angry for the way he'd allowed his emotions to get the better of him. Later, when Lavi was well and Kanda could safely return to ignoring him, knowing that nothing he said or did would make Lavi go away.

"I'm coming, stay calm!" Bookman told him, and gave a grunt of effort. There was a loud clatter of rocks as something shifted and started another slide. More stones came tumbling down, a few impacting with the shaft of the hammer in a way that made Kanda more than a little nervous, but it held.

Then one of the 'rocks' unfolded, and Kanda realized it was Bookman. "Let me see," the old man demanded, kneeling next to Lavi and batting Kanda's hand out of the way. He grunted when his hand encountered the puddle of blood, and carefully examined the unconscious redhead.

"He's not going to die in the next few minutes," Bookman finally pronounced. "What about you? Are you injured?"

"Anything life threatening has healed," Kanda told him, and prior experience let him clearly imagine Bookman's annoyed frown despite the poor lighting in the cave. The old man had repeatedly tried to trick or coerce Kanda into revealing the source of his enhanced healing; it was an old bone of contention between them. Today he didn't even ask, and that more than anything told Kanda how worried the man was for Lavi.

"If I get your other hand free, can you work yourself loose?" he asked, and Kanda nodded. Bookman set to work, and in remarkably short order he'd managed to shift the rocks pinning Kanda's hand in such a way that he hadn't triggered any further slides. "There. Get free, then come and help me with him," the old man ordered, turning back to Lavi.

Grimly Kanda started moving rocks, trying to copy the clever way Bookman had used each rock to brace another section so it wouldn't fall. Thankfully none of them were too big for him to be able to move, which had been his primary fear. Slowly, far too slowly, Kanda freed himself. The work went faster once he was able to sit up, but it still took far longer than he could have wished for him to get his legs free. Finally all that remained pinned was his left ankle, wedged tightly between two rocks that had come to rest at an angle.

Impatient, he yanked his foot out with no regard for the way the joint screamed at him. In addition to hurting his ankle, the abrupt movement undid half his careful work in propping up the rocks. Cursing, he scrambled backwards and just barely managed to avoid being trapped again. Digging Mugen out was a simple matter after that, and he felt much better once he had the blade in his hands again.

Turning, he found that Bookman had uncovered Lavi to the waist and then stopped. The old man was now crouched with one hand pressed hard against Lavi's side, and the other carefully manipulating his acupuncture needles. He'd cut Lavi's heavy jacket and shirt away from his back to give him access, and even in the dim light Kanda could see the way blood had stained a large section of Lavi's back.

"What can I do?" he asked gruffly, trying to swallow his fear. Between the puddle on the ground and what had to be soaked into Lavi's clothes, the redhead had lost far more blood than was healthy. Small wonder he had passed out, concussion or not. From this angle Kanda could see that Lavi's other hand was covered in blood as well; he must have been trying to keep pressure on the wound until he'd lost consciousness.

Without looking up, Bookman jerked his head in the direction of the rocks. "Dig him out," the old man told him. "Carefully! Don't jar him. I'm keeping his qi flow even, but it's delicate work. Under any other circumstances I'd refuse to move him, but we'll have to risk it."

"Just keep him alive," Kanda ordered him gruffly. "I'll do the rest." He started moving rocks away from the redhead, following the careful pattern of shoring and bracing Bookman had already started. He was a great deal more gentle about it than he had been when freeing himself; he was torn between his need to hurry and the knowledge that even a minor slide might be enough to kill Lavi, and thankfully caution won out.

It was excruciating to have to work at a snail's pace, though. Bookman was muttering to himself in a language Kanda didn't recognize, but he didn't need to understand the words to know that the old man wasn't happy with Lavi's condition.

 _Finally_ Kanda moved the last of the rocks that had been pinning Lavi, leaving the redhead lying under a precariously braced pile of rubble. "Now what?" he asked, irritated when his voice came out hoarse.

"Now we bandage the wound as best we can, and hope his condition doesn't deteriorate further when we move him up to what's left of the town," Bookman replied curtly. He was already tearing strips out of the sturdy fabric of his Exorcist's jacket.

Kanda's own jacket was filthy, but he shrugged out of it and pulled his shirt off, offering it to the old man. "Use this for padding, and secure it with the strips from your jacket," he suggested as he put his coat back on. The shirt was relatively clean, and the soft, fine linen would be better padding than the heavier material of their jackets.

Bookman simply nodded and continued what he was doing, and Kanda turned his mind to the problem of how to move Lavi. Carrying him would have been awkward at the best of times; Lavi was taller than him and several pounds heavier. Kanda was fairly certain he could stagger up the road to the village, but he wasn't sure he could do it without jostling the acupuncture needles or making the wound worse.

Not that they had much choice. Bookman was right that they couldn't leave the redhead here. "Ready?" he asked as Bookman finished tying off the makeshift bandage.

"A moment," the old man replied. He carefully removed the needles he'd inserted into Lavi's pressure points, which at least answered the question of how Kanda would keep from jarring them out of place. The change in Lavi's condition was subtle but immediate; the redhead's breathing grew weaker and more irregular, and the steady but faint beat of his pulse returned to the wild fluttering it had been doing earlier.

Kanda helped Bookman gently roll Lavi onto his back. He slipped his arms under the other Exorcist's muscled body and lifted, grunting with the effort and pain as his not-quite-healed ribs protested the exertion. He ignored them, as he ignored the fiery burn in his wrenched ankle. He would survive, and time was of the essence if Lavi was going to make it through this.

"What about his hammer?" he asked as Bookman started climbing back up the rock pile to the entrance. Leaving the Innocence behind seemed almost like sacrilege; if Kanda had been injured and someone had left Mugen behind in the rescue attempt, heads would have rolled the moment he woke up.

"Leave it for now," Bookman commanded. "He won't be happy, but we can't move it without the whole cave coming down on us. He'll be able to retrieve it if he wakes."

 _If_ he wakes, Kanda repeated the old man's words in the depths of his mind. If, not when. The phrasing made another chill run down Kanda's spine, and he shuddered hard. _Don't think about it now,_ he ordered himself. _Just focus on getting him out of here._

Leaving the cave proved to be the hardest part. Kanda painstakingly inched his way up the rockslide, fighting the uneven footing and unable to use his hands. Bookman took the time to widen the gap he'd squirmed through to get in, since neither Lavi nor Kanda would have been able to fit through the small opening. Even so, in order to get Lavi out Kanda had to push the redhead through the gap while Bookman pulled from the other side.

When he'd scrambled through behind Lavi, Kanda finally got a good look at the redhead in full sunlight. He wished he hadn't. Lavi's skin was chalk white, and blood had already soaked through Kanda's white shirt balled up against his side. Kanda had seen dead men who looked better than Lavi at that moment.

Shoving aside his gut-deep emotional reaction to the sight, Kanda picked the other man up again. "Let's go," he grunted, and Bookman nodded.

The collapse of the cave had altered the entire face of the rock wall the waterfall had poured over. The water now ran down over the rocks rather than falling free, and it would be some time before erosion returned it to its former glory. In the meantime, at least the rocks they had to walk over weren't covered in slippery moss or slick from the constant fall of water over them.

Getting up the long path to the town was more of an ordeal than Kanda wanted to admit. Even if he hadn't already been drained by the fight against the Akuma and his body's efforts to heal, it would have been a strain. As it was, he was panting and sweating hard by the time they reached level ground, the agony in his ribs and ankle difficult to ignore.

He followed Bookman to the abandoned inn they'd appropriated for their own use. Once inside Bookman opened the door to the nearest bedroom and indicated that Kanda should set his burden down. Kanda laid Lavi on the bed as gently as he could, but it was obvious that the trip had been incredibly hard on the injured Exorcist. His breathing was harsher than before, and his pulse was so erratic it would have been impossible to time it.

Despite himself, Kanda gave in to the urge to run his fingers briefly through Lavi's hair. The headband that normally confined it had been torn off at some point, leaving the bright red locks to tangle over Lavi's face. He remembered the enjoyment Lavi had taken from the simple action the night they'd spent in Kanda's bed, and hoped the man would feel it somehow now.

With an impatient sound, Bookman put a hand on Kanda's shoulder and pushed him out of the way. "Out," he ordered the younger Exorcist, pointing firmly at the door. "Make yourself useful, cut up the bedding in the other rooms and boil it to sterilize it for bandages, but don't come in here. This will be difficult enough without you jogging my elbows and cluttering up the flow of qi in the room."

Uncharacteristically meek, Kanda swallowed hard and obeyed. There was nothing he could do for Lavi now except to perform the chores Bookman had given him; all he could do was stand by and wait.

The next three and a half hours felt like three and a half _years_ to Kanda. He peeked into the room frequently but didn't quite dare ask Bookman how things were going, afraid of disturbing the man's intense concentration. Besides, he could see for himself that Lavi's condition wasn't good. Bookman had managed to stabilize the redhead's breathing again and seemed to have stopped the blood loss, but Lavi was still far paler than was healthy.

During that interminable wait, Kanda had a lot of time to think and not much to distract him from thoughts he didn't want to pursue. He was having a hard time denying the implications of his own intense emotional reaction to Lavi's injury. Not that he didn't continue to try, but his internal rationalizations held less and less conviction as the hours wore on.

When Bookman finally did emerge, the exhausted and bleak expression on his face wasn't promising. "Well?" Kanda demanded, his nerves strung wire-tight.

"He has a chance," Bookman said bluntly, obviously making no effort to soften his words. "A slim chance. I stopped the bleeding and balanced his qi as well as I could, but there's not much more I can do for him. It comes down to his will to live, now. If he wakes soon, his chances will improve, but there's no way to know how much damage the concussion has done."

Even a slim chance was more than Kanda had been afraid he would hear. He let out an explosive breath, and the relief that poured through him was impossible to ignore. Whatever else might happen - or not happen - between him and Lavi, Kanda was forced to admit that he desperately did not want the man to die.

"His will to live, huh?" Kanda repeated with grim determination. "Then I'll give him something to live for." He started towards the door.

Bookman stopped him with a hand on his arm before he'd gotten more than two feet. Kanda tried to pull away, but the old man's grip was too tight. He was a lot stronger than he looked, apparently.

They locked eyes in a silent battle of wills. Bookman was wordlessly warning him off, and Kanda was just as wordlessly threatening bloody mayhem if he wasn't released. When it seemed Bookman had no intention of backing off, Kanda growled at him.

"What good is he to you if he's dead, old man?" he challenged. It had been obvious from the start that Bookman didn't approve of Lavi's infatuation with him, but would the man really allow the redhead to die because of it?

Bookman studied him for another moment, frowning, before he finally nodded and released Kanda's arm. "Do what you can," he said wearily. "And pray it is enough."

Kanda pushed past him through the door, and didn't bother to look back to see where Bookman went. At that moment, all of his attention was on Lavi, laid out on the bed and looking distressingly like a corpse.

It wasn't just the other man's unbelievable pallor, or the way even his hair seemed limp and less vibrant than usual. It wasn't the way his eyepatch stood out starkly against his skin, or the lump of the bandage visible beneath the thin sheet that covered him. After a moment of thought, Kanda realized what the truly disturbing factor was. Lavi was too still, too perfectly composed.

Every moment of the long night Kanda had spent watching Lavi sleep had been burned into the swordsman's memory. He'd learned then that the redhead was a restless sleeper; he moved often and sprawled out over as much of the bed - and of Kanda - as he could reach, and his expression frequently changed as he dreamed.

Now Lavi lay there unmoving, unnaturally so. It was as if someone had flipped a switch and all of the man's excessive energy and vitality had drained away, leaving this silent shell behind. Even the rise and fall of his chest was barely noticeable.

Looking around, Kanda found the chair Bookman had been using and dragged it closer to the head of the bed. He sat in it, and reached for Lavi's hand. The redhead's fingers were cold and limp in his, but at least Kanda could feel the faint throb of Lavi's pulse in his wrist.

"Lavi..." The sound of Kanda's voice startled him, emerging rough and wavering. Clearing his throat, he dragged himself firmly back under control before trying again. "Lavi. You have to wake up. Please, wake up."

He paused, feeling awkward. He'd never tried to talk someone out of unconsciousness before, and he had no idea how to go about doing it. "We need you," he continued, fighting to keep his voice steady. "The Black Order needs you. We can't afford to lose anyone, and anyway... even if you are unbearably irritating to me, half the time you're the only thing keeping people's spirits up. Without you, everyone will be depressed and dragging around like a bunch of useless lumps. They need you. I..."

His voice caught in his throat, and Kanda struggled with himself. " _I_ need you," he admitted, nearly choking on the words. He bowed his head over Lavi's hand, unable to bear looking at the nearly lifeless man.

"This isn't the way it's supposed to be, damn it!" he cried out, his voice cracking. "You weren't supposed to actually _listen_ to me about not calling me Yuu! And you absolutely are not supposed to die! You're supposed to be irritating and cheerful and overly familiar and always _there_ no matter what I say to make you go away and..." He ran out of things to say, but the emotions behind the words made his shoulders shake.

"Quack, quack, quack." The words were so soft and hoarse that Kanda barely registered them at first. When they were followed by an equally soft but almost eerily accurate imitation of a duck's call, Kanda jerked his eyes up to Lavi's face. The injured Exorcist had turned his head slightly to let him see Kanda, and his good eye was shockingly green against the pallor of his skin.

For a long moment Kanda just gaped at him, struggling to process the fact that Lavi was awake. Certainly he'd been hoping the sound of his voice would bring the other man out of it, but he hadn't expected it to work so quickly. "Wh-what?" he stammered, confused by Lavi's words. Had the redhead's brain been more scrambled by the concussion than he'd thought?

A small smile quirked the corners of Lavi's lips. It was nothing like his usual broad grin, but it somehow seemed more... genuine. "I said," he elaborated, his voice gaining a bit of strength but still slurred with the concussion, "sounds like quackin' t'me, Yuu."

Remembering Lavi's ridiculous summation of their situation the day they'd discovered that the spell had already been removed, Kanda shook his head. "Don't you ever speak sense?" he asked, his voice gruff as he tried to hide the emotions he'd so carelessly been allowing to spill over.

Belatedly realizing he was still holding Lavi's hand, he dropped it abruptly. "At least you're awake," he said, standing hastily. "I'll get Bookman. He was worried, we weren't sure you were going to make it."

Tearing his eyes away from Lavi's face, Kanda turned and blindly stumbled towards the door. He could hardly see where he was going, his vision consumed by the memory of the almost painful hope in Lavi's eye as he'd looked at Kanda. He hadn't intended for Lavi to actually _hear_ him saying those things, not in such a way that the other man would remember it later.

"Yuu!" The half panicked, almost desperate croak stopped him in his tracks, and Kanda had to clutch at the doorway for support. Despite his better judgement, he glanced back over his shoulder and found Lavi looking at him with an anguished pleading expression, one hand extended towards him in entreaty.

"Yuu, don't go," Lavi begged shamelessly. The look in his eye was tortured, and said more than words ever could about the emotional turmoil inside him.

Kanda knew the other man wasn't just asking him to stay beside him in the room for the moment. It was a much deeper fear and a far more encompassing need that drove Lavi to reach out to him. If Kanda responded, if he turned back and went to Lavi's side, it would be as good as an admission that Lavi had been right about their feelings.

"Please?" Lavi added, perhaps seeing that Kanda was wavering. His hand was shaking, from emotion or the fatigue of holding it up, Kanda wasn't sure. It made a poignant counterpoint to the way Lavi's voice was trembling.

Still Kanda didn't move, too deep in his own denial to be able to break free. He could admit to himself under duress that he couldn't live without Lavi, could even say it to the man's face when he thought Lavi couldn't hear him, but he couldn't make himself take that one last, irrevocable step. To do so would be to shatter the walls around his heart past mending.

Finally the strain of keeping his hand up, weak as he was, overcame Lavi. He let it fall back to the bed, closing his eye with a pained sigh. His expression was briefly resigned, then even that faded away as if it had been too difficult to sustain. He looked just the way he had before he'd woken, so much so that Kanda almost wondered if he'd imagined the whole exchange out of desperation.

"Don't tell me you're giving up?" he said, his voice harsher than he'd meant it to be. It was the very lack of expression on Lavi's face that got to him, making chills run over his skin. "Did you lose your spine in that cave-in? What happened to being more stubborn than I am?"

To his surprise, Lavi opened his eye again and gave him that same faint smile, though this time the look in his eye was one of melancholy rather than hope. "Who said anythin' 'bout givin' up?" he demanded hoarsely. " 'M jus' rechargin', is all. Need all m'strength t'deal with you."

That was Kanda's cue to make his exit, secure in the knowledge that he wouldn't be rid of Lavi's annoyance any time soon. But just as he hadn't been able to make himself go to the other man a moment before, now he seemed to be incapable of taking that last step to carry him out the door. The knowledge of how close he'd come to losing Lavi entirely was still sharp in his mind, prodding at him painfully.

"Idiot," Kanda muttered, his voice wavering. He hoped it came out sounding disgusted, but had a feeling it only sounded emotional. He took one halting step towards the bed, then another, and then a third brought him to Lavi's side. He collapsed down onto the side of the bed, reaching out for the other man, and Lavi met him halfway.

Careful of Lavi's injury, Kanda pulled him up into a tight embrace, swallowing hard as he spoke into Lavi's hair. "You're an idiot," he repeated, just as hoarse as Lavi had been. "I'm only going to hurt you. I'm horrible at dealing with people, and that's not going to change. In a year you'll regret..."

He was stopped by a brief kiss, and Lavi was smiling again when he pulled back far enough for Kanda to see him. This time the expression was tempered only by an incandescent joy that was almost difficult for Kanda to look at. "Anybody ev'r tell y'that y'talk too much, Yuu?" Lavi asked.

The very idea was so ridiculous, especially coming from the ever-talkative redhead, that Kanda couldn't help laughing. It was more an emotional release than genuine amusement, but he could feel Lavi chuckling as well. Hesitantly Kanda kissed him again, and for once the simple pleasure of the embrace wasn't marred by underlying anger or resistance.

The sound of a throat being cleared made them both jump, and wrung a small pained noise from Lavi when he jarred his injury. Resisting the urge to pull away abruptly as if he'd been caught doing something wrong, Kanda turned to look at Bookman. He couldn't help the blush he could feel on his cheeks, but his expression was otherwise defiant and challenging as he glared at the old man.

Bookman stood in the doorway, his hands tucked behind him and his dark eyes fixed squarely on Lavi. "You've made your decision, then?" he asked, his rough voice betraying nothing of his emotions.

Lavi went stiff in Kanda's arms, and something complex was communicated between the two Bookmen. Kanda couldn't even begin to interpret what their expressions meant, but after a moment Lavi nodded firmly, his eye never leaving Bookman's.

"So be it," the old man shrugged. Kanda thought he saw a trace of real regret and disappointment in Bookman's expression, but it was difficult to be sure. "I hope you don't regret it." He turned away, clearly intending to leave them alone.

"I won't." Lavi's voice was just as firm as his nod had been, though his arms tightened slightly around Kanda's neck. Kanda squeezed him back in automatic response, wondering what exactly had just happened.

"Are you sure..." he started, but Lavi gave him a look that stopped him in his tracks.

"Don't ask," the redhead cautioned him wearily. "I'll tell y'later. Much later. Don't have th'strength right now." He sighed and closed his eye, leaning his head on Kanda's shoulder much as he had the night he'd come to Kanda's room after his nightmare. "So tired. Stay with me?"

"I'm not going anywhere," Kanda assured him. "Somebody has to keep you awake, you shouldn't go back to sleep with that concussion." And he didn't want to let Lavi out of his sight, unreasonably afraid that he'd return to find the redhead half dead again.

Gently he laid Lavi back onto the pillow, then stood just long enough to kick his boots off and shed his jacket before he slid onto the bed as well. Lavi looked at him in surprise, but Kanda just growled at him to forestall any questions. When he extended his arm, though, Lavi was quick to settle himself with his head on Kanda's shoulder, just as he had been the last time they'd slept together.

This could easily get to be a habit, Kanda thought to himself as Lavi snuggled in closer and made a sleepy noise of pleasure. And maybe... maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Maybe Lavi was right, and there was nothing wrong with them taking a bit of pleasure for themselves in the midst of their war.

"Love you," Lavi murmured, the words almost inaudible against Kanda's collarbone.

"I..." Kanda hesitated over it briefly, then decided it was ridiculous to withhold this one last gesture when he'd already effectively admitted the truth. "I love you too," he whispered.

Despite the hell it had put them both through, maybe the curse of that damned statue's Innocence had been a blessing in disguise after all.


End file.
